JBird100

I worked my a** off for the 4 mo.s of recovery. I had never felt better. I was liking myself again. My boyfriend fell off the wagon and held on for dear life, but like an idiot picked up. It made me so anxious that I drank. Now I've been sneaking around and drinking. It sucks. I am ready to get my life by again. Its day 2. I just have to do this, I can't go on as a closeted alki. Plus it will be out there for everyone to see eventually. I have alienated pretty much everyone in my life. Its got to stop. Feeling terrible and kicking myself that I have to start over.

Ananda

Hi Jaybird,

You can stop kicking yourself ok .... it won't help.

I'm so glad you are on day 2. I'm returning after drinking again and the first thing I had to do was stop with dwelling on "what a looser I am". That sort of thinking always leads me back to the drink. When I start thinking that way I have to turn my thoughts to something else or perhaps just clean the bathroom.

I need compassion for others and also for myself. I am very focused on that the most compassionate thing I can do for myself and for others is not drink!

I have lost a lot of friends and become distant from many from my lack of sobriety. My expereince has been that some people will come back and some will not. New people will come into my life. And some of the alienation I feel at times is my miss inturpretation of others....I tend to assume the worst.

You are back to sobriety now and you can build from here

2granddaughters

Are you two attending AA meetings, Bird ?? ....

All the best.

Bob R

JBird100

Thanks for that. I really appreciate what you said, "the most compassionate thing I can do for myself and others is not drink." That is so true. I will use that.

least

Pick yourself up and start over. You can do this!

Mizzuno

Feel what you need to feel and then move on. Yes, the most compassionate thing that you can do for yourself and others is to not drink. I second that. All any of us can do is to try. Give it your all.

jstar

I understand exactly how you feel as I'm in a similar boat with my drinking. I have 2 days sober. Just dust yourself off & get back up and jump back into recovery. I've even been fighting that for the last few weeks weeks but I think I just might be finally ready to stay the course. AA has really been helpful for me.

seanie1888

I'm with you jbird,
day2 here also.

We can do this, i'm going to try get to meeting tonight if my nerves stick up,

dont know if AA ur thing, but if it is mayb u should try 1 also.

Take care x

Goose1

Hello JBird. Recently, I did the same after 96 days, here I am at 14 days Sober. This is what I know. I know that we have to know who we are and own it. After all here is another chance for us. And secondly, there comes a point in time in making a decision to pick up that we have to leave. We leave by any means possible; a higherpower, AA, a friend, a hobby, etc., etc. Because we know who we are our integrity is at stake. If we don't leave, we don't know how many more chances we will get. Those 4 months of Sobriety were very important for you. You did it then, you can do it now. The booze, the poison changes the way we think. Stay Sober JBird.

ScottFromWI

What's most important is to retain your commitment to sobriety. A relapse is a sign tha either you aren't 100% committed to your recovery plan, or perhaps additional help is needed. Glad you are back and hope you can fix your plan to make it bomb proof

brenteagle

This is what Bill W wrote it saved my life 24 years ago when I felt the way u did after a slip


11
Quantity or Quality
"About this slip business -- I would not be too discouraged. I think you are suffering a great deal from a needless guilt. For some reason or other, the Lord has laid out tougher paths for some of us, and I guess you are treading one of them. God is not asking us to be successful. He is only asking us to try to be. That, you surely are doing, and have been doing. So I would not stay away from A.A. through any feeling of discouragement or shame. It's just the place you should be. Why don't you try just as a member? You don't have to carry the whole A.A. on your back, you know!
"It is not always the quantity of good things that you do, it is also
the quality that counts.
"Above all, take it one day at a time."
LETTER, 1958

JBird100

Yes I am committed to recovery. I just can't do this anymore. Thank you everyone. I will be camping out on SR. I need this support.

2granddaughters

And if your all doesn't quite cut it .. then surrender and join us in AA.

All the best.

Bob R

wiscsober

JBird100 back

many times when I relapsed my alcoholism took me on day long if not month long journeys to hell...

Well as long as your ABF stays sober, and his drunkenness doesn't make you anxious, you will stay sober too....I hope that works out

It did for 4 months...

Personally for me my recovery isn't dependent on another person's behavior.

You'd think there'd be a better way....AA, AVRT, White knuckle, NA, Church

JBird100

That's why I'm feeling like an idiot. I know that someone else's drinking should not make me go off the rails. I am replaying that one over and over. I'm also visioning myself as sober if this were to happen again.

Carlotta

And remember to put your oxygen mask on first. YOUR sobriety cannot be contingent upon your boyfriend's. His recovery (or lack of) is his and yours is yours.
You are welcome to post in the double winner's thread http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...loved-one.html
We can become and stay clean and sober and find contentment whether our loved ones are still drinking/using or not.