so sick of the path I am on
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 3
so sick of the path I am on
I am new. I am 38. I have three beautiful children (young). I have been drinking every single night for the past year and half due to marital problems, and was pretty much a very social/weekend drinker for years before that. I am sick of this. I am scared. I hate how I feel. I have anxiety, I am wasting my life, and I just want to say goodbye to alcohol forever. I need help and support. I live in a foreign country and am moving again soon to another new country. Can people here please just tell me I can do this, because I am so tired of every day waking up and saying "last night was the last time I drink a bottle of wine". I really want last night to have been THE LAST TIME.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Welcome to SR hbird!
You can absolutely do it. What you need is a PLAN,because NOT drinking is easy - you just stop tipping the glass into your face. However, FEELING OK about not drinking can be really hard for a while - especially if you've wanted to quit and are having trouble. That's a symptom of addiction. (I know because I've got it BIG TIME!)
Members here are successfully using many different methods to maintain their sobriety. You can learn about all these different methods by reading around the forums here and asking questions. Then you can make your own plan based on what suits you.
You can do this, and you'll be so glad you did.
Best of luck!
You can absolutely do it. What you need is a PLAN,because NOT drinking is easy - you just stop tipping the glass into your face. However, FEELING OK about not drinking can be really hard for a while - especially if you've wanted to quit and are having trouble. That's a symptom of addiction. (I know because I've got it BIG TIME!)
Members here are successfully using many different methods to maintain their sobriety. You can learn about all these different methods by reading around the forums here and asking questions. Then you can make your own plan based on what suits you.
You can do this, and you'll be so glad you did.
Best of luck!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
For me I had to find a different path.
I used to sit on the sofa, favourite glass, television on for hours, watching rubbish, drinking a bottle of wine for hours on end. Every morning I felt grim.
I had to get off the sofa, turn off the television and find something else to do. I also smashed my favourite glass and drove home a different way from work to avoid the wine shop.
At first it was different.
Not difficult but just different to my normal evenings.
I had to find things to do. I took long baths, cleaned, cooked meals for the freezer, drank a lot of hot chocolate, sorted junk out for charity and car boot sales. went for a drive with loud music, went to bed early, talked on the phone to friends, went shopping, exercised - anything that would keep me from drinking.
I am nearly 500 days sober.
I can hand on heart say to you it would seem strange now to sit and drink an evening away.
It does not cross my mind.
It took time, but now not drinking is my new normal.
I spent a lot of time reading here at SR.
I went to some AA meetings and I will always be eternally grateful for the members who shared their stories with me to save me from having a similar rock bottom to them.
You can do this.
Take it one day at time.
Tell yourself, you can have a drink whenever you want, just not today.
My best to you
I used to sit on the sofa, favourite glass, television on for hours, watching rubbish, drinking a bottle of wine for hours on end. Every morning I felt grim.
I had to get off the sofa, turn off the television and find something else to do. I also smashed my favourite glass and drove home a different way from work to avoid the wine shop.
At first it was different.
Not difficult but just different to my normal evenings.
I had to find things to do. I took long baths, cleaned, cooked meals for the freezer, drank a lot of hot chocolate, sorted junk out for charity and car boot sales. went for a drive with loud music, went to bed early, talked on the phone to friends, went shopping, exercised - anything that would keep me from drinking.
I am nearly 500 days sober.
I can hand on heart say to you it would seem strange now to sit and drink an evening away.
It does not cross my mind.
It took time, but now not drinking is my new normal.
I spent a lot of time reading here at SR.
I went to some AA meetings and I will always be eternally grateful for the members who shared their stories with me to save me from having a similar rock bottom to them.
You can do this.
Take it one day at time.
Tell yourself, you can have a drink whenever you want, just not today.
My best to you
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi hbird, welcome to SR; many, many people on this forum have achieved sobriety once they finally became disgusted enough to WANT to stop. I was drinking a bottle a night myself, just like you. I spent about a year thinking I should try to cut down, only drink on the weekends, only drink when out etc etc but total abstinence was the only option that worked for me.
Nonsensical is right; wanting is good, but having a plan gives you a much better chance on succeeding. Some practical steps that worked for me:
- having a fridge full of juice, and alternative drinks
- eating more sweets and other treats as a substitute, calorie neutral if you think about your wine intake
- walking at the danger times when habits made me want to drink
- avoiding events with alcohol for a time
- using deep breaths when cravings struck
- talking to my doctor (hard but worth it)
I'm sure you can come up with your own list. Don't forget SR; I've learned so much on this site.
Good luck - you can do it!
Nonsensical is right; wanting is good, but having a plan gives you a much better chance on succeeding. Some practical steps that worked for me:
- having a fridge full of juice, and alternative drinks
- eating more sweets and other treats as a substitute, calorie neutral if you think about your wine intake
- walking at the danger times when habits made me want to drink
- avoiding events with alcohol for a time
- using deep breaths when cravings struck
- talking to my doctor (hard but worth it)
I'm sure you can come up with your own list. Don't forget SR; I've learned so much on this site.
Good luck - you can do it!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Scotland UK
Posts: 122
Hi hbird, I am also 38, I have 6 children and recently became a single parent. I'm on day 3. I used to drink a bottle of wine per night too, then it creeped up to 2, then I started to crave my first glass as soon as the kids were home from school, while cooking dinner. Before I knew it I was drinking through the whole weekend (spirits, wine, beer), spending the rest of the week looking and feeling like ****. Tried controlled drinking many times - just 1 bottle of wine 5 nights per week - but as soon as I was in a social situation and alcohol is involved I would be drinking until there was no alcohol left or I passed out. Drink my way out of hangovers, yuk. I started looking for extra excuses to drink more, holidays, sunny days, anything. I told myself I deserved a drink for having a tough day with the kids, I could go on and on. I found this site and read and read for a few weeks (still drinking) and then something clicked a few days ago. As I said I'm here on day 3 and it feels so good. I've been drinking for years, if I can do it so can you. Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 746
Hi hbird
I was wine drinker too. I drunk 2 bottles a day!!! I just could not continue like this. Sometimes I consumed 2 bottles and 1 extra glass.
I stopped and never looked back. Its day 511.
If I can do it, you can do it too!
I was wine drinker too. I drunk 2 bottles a day!!! I just could not continue like this. Sometimes I consumed 2 bottles and 1 extra glass.
I stopped and never looked back. Its day 511.
If I can do it, you can do it too!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 3
oh thank you so much
I really appreciate such rapid feedback, it is sincerely very comforting. I will look into what plan and approaches to take. I am, ironically, very athletic but with my marriage stress and chronic drinking I have of course resumed a long ago old smoking habit. the combination of it all is a disaster. I miss feeling good... the physical pleasure of taking care of myself fed an immense mental stability that seems now a very distant memory. The past years of when I was pregnant and raising my babies (now little kids) I was so good at caring for myself, looking after myself. My marriage however was not being nurtured and some major fractures have occurred and I steadily began drinking more and more as time went on and the kids got a little older. Now we live abroad, and it has frankly been a nightmare. We brought our marital problems and my budding alcohol dependency with us here, and both of these issues grew to much bigger proportions. My husband also drinks, and smokes cigarettes, and we clearly enable each other. He travels often for work, and is away now. He returns tomorrow and I will just sit him down and say that I am done drinking. I can't manage it anymore. Can't have nights with one glass of wine or one prosecco. Because two nights later will be just way too much consumption. Maybe he will commit to quitting too, as he really wants our marriage to be saved. We have been through marital counseling but I really feel what we both need is each our own therapist.
I just wake up everyday fantasizing of a prior existence where I didn't feel like $hi# all day long, remembering the person I was, not being so dependent on a drug that really is doing absolutely nothing for me except making me feel worse than I already do. I think I have been in denial for so long about how many years I actually had this dependency; binge drinking at parties, always needing a drink to relax in social situations. It is just now that it is so obviously chronic that I realize I have to eliminate alcohol completely from my life. I do not possess the ability to have a responsible relationship with it.
Thank you all for responding, it feels so much better just to even type this all out and just ask for help and admit that I am not a social drinker, I am an alcoholic and I need to sort myself out. I don't want to live my life this way.
I just wake up everyday fantasizing of a prior existence where I didn't feel like $hi# all day long, remembering the person I was, not being so dependent on a drug that really is doing absolutely nothing for me except making me feel worse than I already do. I think I have been in denial for so long about how many years I actually had this dependency; binge drinking at parties, always needing a drink to relax in social situations. It is just now that it is so obviously chronic that I realize I have to eliminate alcohol completely from my life. I do not possess the ability to have a responsible relationship with it.
Thank you all for responding, it feels so much better just to even type this all out and just ask for help and admit that I am not a social drinker, I am an alcoholic and I need to sort myself out. I don't want to live my life this way.
AA member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: United Kingdom.
Posts: 3,007
Welcome to SR hybrid.Glad you are here.
You have to want to remain sober more than you want to drink.
It is the first drink that does the damage,I never realised that.Today I only have to stay away from that one drink.
Remember to stay well hydrated,water is the best.
It is difficult in the early days,but it gets better.
Wishing you well.
You have to want to remain sober more than you want to drink.
It is the first drink that does the damage,I never realised that.Today I only have to stay away from that one drink.
Remember to stay well hydrated,water is the best.
It is difficult in the early days,but it gets better.
Wishing you well.
Sober Today
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 779
Welcome!
I'm 42 with two young kids. You sound like me, except I was drinking beer and could not stop, even though every single day I said I would. I just couldn't and I was lost and scared and had no idea how to stop. I was killing myself and endangering my children's lives.
I, too, finally had an awakening and realized I have been in denial for 20 years about my drinking. I just told myself back then that I'm a party girl, I just like to drink, and I drink because I want to and I do whatever I want. I actually cringe with embarrassment at my denial.
I recently found this site which helped tremendously, and I started going to AA meetings last week which I never thought I'd do. I thought I would hate the meetings but I knew it was a face to face support system for me or the bottle. I am 10 days sober which is a lot for me as I'm a daily drinker starting from morning to night, and it's not easy but it's better than the alternative.
I hope you stick around - you can stop and you are worth it. Read this forum - there are so many inspirational people here and the support is incredible.
I'm 42 with two young kids. You sound like me, except I was drinking beer and could not stop, even though every single day I said I would. I just couldn't and I was lost and scared and had no idea how to stop. I was killing myself and endangering my children's lives.
I, too, finally had an awakening and realized I have been in denial for 20 years about my drinking. I just told myself back then that I'm a party girl, I just like to drink, and I drink because I want to and I do whatever I want. I actually cringe with embarrassment at my denial.
I recently found this site which helped tremendously, and I started going to AA meetings last week which I never thought I'd do. I thought I would hate the meetings but I knew it was a face to face support system for me or the bottle. I am 10 days sober which is a lot for me as I'm a daily drinker starting from morning to night, and it's not easy but it's better than the alternative.
I hope you stick around - you can stop and you are worth it. Read this forum - there are so many inspirational people here and the support is incredible.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: northern virginia
Posts: 535
hbird...
welcome to SR! i was a daily three-bottle of wine drinker (starting at 10am everyday), have three small kids... and i'm now on 28 days sober.
i tried all the moderating and control tricks too... only to find i drank more. i've found abstinance to be much easier... no obsessing over the minutes until i can crack the first bottle, no figuring out how much i can drink without being too hammered to run to the store for more, no lies or hiding my consumption. it's so freeing to let all of that go. i've also discovered i have much more patience with my small kids (which suprised me), a better outlook on my daily life (getting chores done sober was a terrifying thought for me), and i feel better all around.
i didn't think i could do it... but with SR and AA, i'm doing it every single day. you can do it, too!
wishing you peace and strength as you begin your journey...
welcome to SR! i was a daily three-bottle of wine drinker (starting at 10am everyday), have three small kids... and i'm now on 28 days sober.
i tried all the moderating and control tricks too... only to find i drank more. i've found abstinance to be much easier... no obsessing over the minutes until i can crack the first bottle, no figuring out how much i can drink without being too hammered to run to the store for more, no lies or hiding my consumption. it's so freeing to let all of that go. i've also discovered i have much more patience with my small kids (which suprised me), a better outlook on my daily life (getting chores done sober was a terrifying thought for me), and i feel better all around.
i didn't think i could do it... but with SR and AA, i'm doing it every single day. you can do it, too!
wishing you peace and strength as you begin your journey...
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