Serenity Prayer
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 170
Serenity Prayer
As it gets closer to the time for me to leave and my fear is taking over my rational mind, I keep repeating "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."
Leaving probably is as easy as just walking out the door but it seems so complicated when you are living with such an angry AH who is always ranting and raving about one thing or another. I think it's very intimidating to hear all of it or at least it is for me.
I guess I'd just ask for you to wish me the courage to follow through on what I know I must do.
Thank you.
Leaving probably is as easy as just walking out the door but it seems so complicated when you are living with such an angry AH who is always ranting and raving about one thing or another. I think it's very intimidating to hear all of it or at least it is for me.
I guess I'd just ask for you to wish me the courage to follow through on what I know I must do.
Thank you.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
visualize some peace and quiet, air conditioning and not having to listen to his drunken ranting and raving.
Visualize safety and sleeping well without worrying. visualize waking up and just having a normal routine, not being browbeaten when you come home.
I hope you have strong support of your friends and family and do NOT give him any information...protect your new home and block the calls.
Visualize safety and sleeping well without worrying. visualize waking up and just having a normal routine, not being browbeaten when you come home.
I hope you have strong support of your friends and family and do NOT give him any information...protect your new home and block the calls.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: England, UK
Posts: 257
The serenity prayer is a great mantra (and mine too at the moment!). You have a great deal of courage already to have looked honestly at your life, courage to make a conscious choice that you deserve a happy life, courage to take steps to make it happen. Although you may not realise it you have taken many many positive steps already to get to where you are now, stepping out the door is just another one of those steps. You can do it, you know you deserve that life that is waiting for you out there 
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
The Serenity Prayer can be a very soothing mantra when faced with a scary situation.
Here's another suggestion. I often hear experienced moms who are totally freaking out young pregnant women with their stories of the agonies of labor. Over the years, though, I've heard many people describe births that were a virtual piece of cake (well--maybe a bit of an exaggeration, but relatively simple and not too painful). The point is, you cannot possibly know what kind of experience YOU will have until you are there. The fear can take over and make any pain there is worse than it has to be.
Same thing with something like this. Is it possible he could freak out and make this really difficult for you? Sure. It's also possible he will react with simple resignation.
Maybe have a friend or two (a married male friend who he won't see as a threat, or a couple, might be a good choice) on standby in case you need any backup.
But yeah, as Fandy says, keep your eyes on the prize. You aren't just leaving, you are going TO someplace--someplace more peaceful, where you can live your life without all the chaos.
Here's another suggestion. I often hear experienced moms who are totally freaking out young pregnant women with their stories of the agonies of labor. Over the years, though, I've heard many people describe births that were a virtual piece of cake (well--maybe a bit of an exaggeration, but relatively simple and not too painful). The point is, you cannot possibly know what kind of experience YOU will have until you are there. The fear can take over and make any pain there is worse than it has to be.
Same thing with something like this. Is it possible he could freak out and make this really difficult for you? Sure. It's also possible he will react with simple resignation.
Maybe have a friend or two (a married male friend who he won't see as a threat, or a couple, might be a good choice) on standby in case you need any backup.
But yeah, as Fandy says, keep your eyes on the prize. You aren't just leaving, you are going TO someplace--someplace more peaceful, where you can live your life without all the chaos.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2,884
Hi sunnshinegirl.
I was 57 years old, a martial artist and former Marine when I left my AW and it was one of the scariest things I ever did. It was also one of the best. I now live in an apartment I call home. It is safe, quiet, drama free and mine. I don't regret for one second making the choice to leave. I also learned in this process that I am much stronger than I ever imagined.
Your friend,
I was 57 years old, a martial artist and former Marine when I left my AW and it was one of the scariest things I ever did. It was also one of the best. I now live in an apartment I call home. It is safe, quiet, drama free and mine. I don't regret for one second making the choice to leave. I also learned in this process that I am much stronger than I ever imagined.
Your friend,
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 170
Thank you one and all. Means a lot to me to read your comments. It was a bad night last night. I accidentally turned on the television and incited a evening long rant. All this anger and raging intimidates me especially as I'm quietly moving my things and getting ready to leave in a few days which is why I really appreciate your help. Nothing physical towards me though so I'm very thankful for that and from reading the other posts, I see a lot of people suffer through these out of control quackings.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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Sunnshinegirl, is it possible for you to spend more hours out of the house---some bogus excuses, perhaps. Need to run to the store--need to return some books to the library--need to weed the flowers outside---whatever.....
At least being physically away for even short times can return a modicum of mental eqilibrium for you. Spending a long time in the tub (with bathroom door locked)....
dandylion
At least being physically away for even short times can return a modicum of mental eqilibrium for you. Spending a long time in the tub (with bathroom door locked)....
dandylion
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 170
Dandylion, I can get out and go for a walk with the dog so I shall do that. Thanks for the suggestion. The time is drawing near to leave and I'm guess that's when for me the nervousness is taking hold but I know without a doubt I'm leaving.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 170
Fandy, for a brief moment, I actually thought of that but can't bring myself to do it. He does a good enough job on his own and he'll be out cold by 8:00 and besides the cost of funding his drinking has left me broke and I want to buy something special for my new place just for me instead of spending all my money on him. But you made me smile!!!
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
I used to fantasize about poisoning my Ex-husband before the divorce was final and we sold the house..(this was many years ago, my daughter was young, she's 32 now) and I thought about using unisom in his mashed potatoes..but they are bright blue!
...it finally ended when I got a RO after he tried to choke me..he left/moved out of the house with the new bedspread and a handle of vodka.
Sadly, he did the job himself, he died of alcohol related problems and cardiac issues at age 54. I think he just died of stupidity and laziness...he never attempt to rebuild a real life for himself...and he left a big mess for our only child to clean up.
yes, you certainly can buy something NICE just for you...i am all for good sheets, clean and fresh.
...it finally ended when I got a RO after he tried to choke me..he left/moved out of the house with the new bedspread and a handle of vodka.
Sadly, he did the job himself, he died of alcohol related problems and cardiac issues at age 54. I think he just died of stupidity and laziness...he never attempt to rebuild a real life for himself...and he left a big mess for our only child to clean up.
yes, you certainly can buy something NICE just for you...i am all for good sheets, clean and fresh.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 170
Fandy, I'm so sorry. I can't begin to imagine how terrible that was for you. He sounds so awful. I'm buying myself a house plant or two and I'm putting them in my wide open windows and I'm watching my so called s--- television shows to my heart's content. And I'm going to be able to go to an actual Al-Anon meeting which will be wonderful. Thank you again and thank you all of you for your support. I appreciate all of you more than I can say. Sometimes even though we are in our older years, we need the backing of those who have been there to help us along.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Toronto
Posts: 31
sunnshinegirl,
You are very brave to move on with your life. I've just moved out, and however difficult these past few weeks have been, the support of frineds, family and this forum is wonderful. For now, I've just been reading, and have finally mustered the courage to post to the threads. Isn't it strange, how I've been so robbed of self-confidence that posting anonymously leads me to question myself?
Best wishes and kind thoughts for your big transition. Having just gone through the exact same thing, I can tell you that the promise of each calm and serene day is enough to keep me going. Even in my moments of weakness.
acm
You are very brave to move on with your life. I've just moved out, and however difficult these past few weeks have been, the support of frineds, family and this forum is wonderful. For now, I've just been reading, and have finally mustered the courage to post to the threads. Isn't it strange, how I've been so robbed of self-confidence that posting anonymously leads me to question myself?
Best wishes and kind thoughts for your big transition. Having just gone through the exact same thing, I can tell you that the promise of each calm and serene day is enough to keep me going. Even in my moments of weakness.
acm
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 170
Thank you NeedHappiness. I actually feel like mush instead of strong. This is someone I care for deeply and I think about how much he has changed and my heart breaks but despite that I am continuing on because I can't sacrifice my life for this unhappiness.
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Join Date: Mar 2017
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When I moved out and was restocking my kitchen, I bought a huge jar of minced garlic (I mean enormous survive-a-nuclear-war-sized jar - I have no idea why I thought I needed that much). I remember thinking "there's no way I'm ever going to use all of this". But over the course of a couple of years of dinner-making (lots of spaghetti sauce!), I did use it all. I still remember the moment that I finished the jar as being some sort of milestone - I had been out of the craziness long enough to use up an entire giant jar of garlic, and I had many more such jars ahead of me in my new life.
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