findingpeace87

So I won't today feeling a little anxious and nervous. Boyfriends Mom will be here tomorrow to stay the weekend before he gets out of rehab and moves in with her. Mind you I had to check to see if she was still even staying here. Anyways after talking to her it reminded me just how much of denial she is in about his recovery and all the excuses he has fed her on why he needs to come home. I drove back from lunch and I saw a rainbow not sure why but I felt a sense a calm but I did. I left today work today and decided I was going to go to my first alanon meeting. By the time I got home got in the car and started driving I began to change my mind. Well the road I turned on to change my mind was a one way street which went right back to the direction of the meeting. As I pulled up I realized it was the same building that I dropped my ex for several NA meetings while I set idly in my car. As I opened the door the only thing I could think of was why the hell hadn't I taken my ass five years ago when this all started. Why wait until its over to start the healing process. Either it was just what I needed. After the meeting was over I headed home and saw another rainbow twice in one days it just reminds me that it's time weather I like it or not. I'm very excited to work on this process in my own life. I want to love and be loved the right way. As much as it may break my heart watching him move in with his biggest enabler, yet I can't let that bother me. This time I have to be me and me first.