zoso77

One of my colleagues is a former lover of mine, the woman I was with prior to my AXGF. For reasons I will not get into, our relationship ended, and in the wake of it, both of us behaved poorly after the fact. Her maturity isn't what it should be, and to be honest I behaved in ways that didn't reflect the maturity I was capable of.

So we have to work together. At the same time, I don't trust her as far as I can throw her, so I minimize my dealings with her in order to protect myself. If I see her, I acknowledge her, but I limit my interactions with her to a professional level and not a personal one. I care for her a great deal, though. She has reached out on several occasions, but my response has been cool.

Well, the unintended consequences of this became clear the other day.

Tuesday morning, I'm in my office. I share my office with someone who is in only once or twice a year. So my former lover comes into my office, walks right past me, doesn't say anything, doesn't acknowledge me, puts something in this guy's desk, turns around, and walks out...

...and I'm thinking to myself: WTF?!?

First of all, it's my office, and if someone's going to come into my office, I think you should at least acknowledge that I'm, like, sitting there. It pissed me off. And it hurt. At heart, even though I'm an engineer by training and education, I'm also a romantic at heart, and I was wondering how we got from where we were to where we are. But I'm also pissed because I felt she was rude.

It didn't occur to me until tonight, on my way home from work, that the lessons learned from dealing with my Borderline AXGF were applicable here, too. People are what they are, and they don't always behave the way you'd like them to. Doesn't make them right, and it doesn't make what they do OK. It simply means you can't influence their behavior, especially when it's poor.

But even though I know this, and even though I've practiced this, it's hard to let go of those negative feelings.

I'm thankful that during the day, I'm so busy that I don't have time to think about all of this. In fact, I've been in our test lab all week with two of my colleagues and a vendor, troubleshooting. It's fun, and it takes up all of my attention. But when I leave the office, what I keep at bay during the day comes back.

So I'm going to do what I did during the debacle with my AXGF: I'm going to ask God to protect my former lover, keep her safe, and I'm going to ask Him to take away my anger and my hurt.

Anyways, wanted to share this. Letting go of hard feelings is so, so difficult, and it's something we have to work on a little bit every day.

ZoSo

AnvilheadII

zoso, I just got thru with a fabulous book, The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry and one of the conclusions that Harold came to at the end of the story was that people ARE. they live, they do what they do and sometimes others get hurt, sometimes they are hurt by others, we all carry pain and memory and sometimes those pains and those memories cause us to act in ways we don't even truly realize, we try so hard to blot them out that we can no longer SEE clearly.

it is good you CAN take an objective stance, without disregarding your own feelings. and so kind of you to include her in your prayers.

zoso77

Anvil, I'll check that book out. Thanks for the feedback.



ZoSo

AnvilheadII

I've just rediscovered books, via audiobooks...I signed up LAST month, and just finished my 4th! LOL I would strongly suggest the audio version as the narrator brings it so alive...it's very british, very proper, the English way, so stifled, so polite. and how these people break open.....