1stthingsfirst

Hello All,

I have had a great time being sober. Really, I have. It has been really tough, but somehow I have found my inner and outer strength and stuck through it since March. I had two small relapses which really boiled down to me blacking out when I thought I would be able to "moderate."

My life is so much better, but after a confession that my husband did something that I thought amounted to pushing the line of his own addiction relapse, I really feel like hitting the sauce. I know I cannot. I feel like he is not addressing the real underlying issues for his own addiction and after a stressful visit from his toxic family last night, he caved.

I am angry. I do not want to let him know that. He is in therapy and is trying hard. He has been so patient with my recovery and relapses. I too, have a difficult time dealing with his narcissistic family, but it is easier for me since I was not raised by them and have the ability to detach myself from them. I don't want to drink. I don't want to say something I will regret later.

Thanks,

First

RunningClean

I can't tell you anything that you don't already know....Anger is empowering your AV. Drinking can't possibly help the situation in any way whatsoever. It can, however, make things about a hundred times worse. You just have to handle this feeling, ride that wave, and tomorrow you'll be glad that you did. Distract yourself somehow.

You more than likely know all this already. This is just a friendly reminder. If you have any phone numbers (friends, family , AA people if you're in that), then use them now. These are the really tough moments that come up now and again, and I'm afraid that this probably won't be the last time in your life that you feel really mad and frustrated at something. So decide how you deal with those situations NOW. Do you get blasted on booze? Or do you do something else, something better?

Hang tough!

Threshold

I'm so glad you checked in here rather than checking into a bottle. Because drinking won't help anything.

It's so hard, stressful and anxiety producing when someone we love is struggling or giving in to addiction.

It's a process. My household is going through tough times and on bad days I get very discouraged, and have to remind myself that rotten days happen but they don't mean that there is no longer any forward momentum.

Hang tough. Talk out your anger with a friend, a journal or us good folks here...and if you can't actually be supportive to your husband today, at least do no harm...to yourself or the relationship.

Hugs

Dee74

Hey First

Drinking at someone is pointless - we still can;t change them - and we end up back in the quicksand ourselves.

I know you must be angry frustrated and scared - but there are better ways to deal with all that. Lean on us and your other support for now

Mountainmanbob

1stthingsfirst

Thanks for the encouragement. I am still sober and feel a little better since I posted. My last thought was to start a Stephen Fry novel - at least for some good laughs.

I have been running 5 miles a day and I really do not want to have to deal with a hangover or not being able to run today or tomorrow. I also said some really insensitive things to my 10-year-old son last time I drank (but don't remember it). That is enough to keep me sober, at least for today. I have to admit that I am struggling without the daily checkup here at SR. I have been really busy getting my family, work and home back together. I am going to have to make time to visit SR daily, since I am using it as my program.

This is really hard. Dealing with issues that are not in my control is difficult. The best I can do is to stay in control with mine.

least

This is so true. Trying to control others is a waste of energy and leaves a person feeling angry and frustrated. It's enough to do just to mind our own business.