eveewonder

Long story short I had to remove my live in AGF immediately when she stole my sentimental jewelry. I didn't realize she was an addict until everything started adding up after the fact and people started telling me info. There was never any closure and I was extremely angry. She immediately moved on to live with someone else, another addict. I did find some of the jewelry at the pawn shop so she was charged and arrested. Served two weeks in jail and there will be a hearing. Over the course of 3 months I reached out to her via email, 1 text and 1 phone call begging her to get honest and get help. Offering to pay for treatment. Telling her I hated everything that happened but I didn't hate her and thought she had many great attributes if she could just find her way to get clean. She is 40 yrs old. It got to the point I simply had to speak to her to get some kind of response for closure. I was really getting crazy. We never had a talk about drug use. Anyway she wouldn't speak to me or respond She said she couldn't talk to me. I guess the judge ordered her not to. She ran off to her girlfriends house. I stayed alone and ended up slicing up my arm with a beer bottle I broke and needing stitches. I did this to stop the pain. Not a good coping skill but it works. I have bipolar disorder and my meds just weren't right from all the stress. The police came, ambulance, stitches, sent to psyc ward and ex AGF filed harassment charges. I'm 48 and never had any charges in my life. I think I have reached my bottom in all of this. This has all been a loss, a bad hoax and con as well as a betrayal on so many levels. I still have been but It will get better. I'm praying for the court dates to just get over. I have a lawyer who said my stuff should be dismissed. Who knows what will happen to her for pawning and stealing. The justice system is crazy. I still wish she would get honest and get help but the likely hood of that happening is about as much as me winning powerball. I'm doing everything I can to detach and move forward and to accept I will never have any acknowledgement or explanation from the person I loved, cared for and supported for a year. If that person even ever existed at all..........

EnglishGarden

I'm sorry about all the chaos and pain addiction created in your life. I hope you know how important it is now to turn your full attention to a regeneration of your full physical and emotional and spiritual health. It is time.

You are among many here who lost their sanity in relationship with an addict, so please feel no shame about anything you did or said which was extreme and was out of character. Addicts hurt us, to the deepest core, and we respond in an almost primitive fashion sometimes, we throw out all our social skills and the wounded and angry animal inside us comes barreling out.

Al-Anon's literature says it more euphemistically: "Our thinking becomes distorted and we become irritable and unreasonable without knowing it." But many of us here, when we are seized with a rage and a chaotic need to force things to go our way because we want someone to be what we want him or her to be....we know very well, afterward, how "unreasonable" (meaning: irrational) we became in relationship with a crazily unstable individual. It knocked us right off our center.

Don't force this anymore, is my suggestion. Let her go, let this go. This attachment to her and to outcomes you wanted has only served to nearly destroy you.

Find a healing place for yourself. A program or a counselor or a church. Your soul is injured. Turn your attention to its repair.

gfwhoneverknew

I'm so sry ur feeling this way...I do know for stealing n pawning etc it can be few yrs or more! I want u to know that I was also lied to from the beginning so Iknow what its like..gosh the closure part is HUGE....Iknow this but with a person on drugs, there can't be much closure because there was never a real OPENING with a rational human being!!! Their minds are altered and she wants to still use probably or I promise shed be wanting 2b with u!!!I'm proud of u. Pm me if u need to chat!

zoso77

Hey...I know a lot about Bipolar disorder. Right now is a time that you need to be in touch with your mental health team. You don't have to go through this alone, you know. Cutting yourself with a beer bottle is not a coping skill.

I don't know what your meds are in terms of mood stabilizers and anti-depressants. If they need to be tweaked short term, that's OK. Do you have a safety plan? Do you have friends to turn to when your moods swing that wildly?

I hope you're not drinking alcohol, but I hope you're drinking enough water to help flush the built-up cortisol out of your system. That should give you a bit of relief.

Please, be safe.

ZoSo

eveewonder

Thanks everyone. Zoso - no alcohol for me, meds have definitely been tweeked now and I'm feeling much better, I'm also getting counseling from a psychologist besides the psychiatrist. The cutting wasn't a plan. I just snapped when I saw her and she wouldn't speak to me and just walked away. I lost my mind. There was a beer bottle near by and I broke it. I was just out of my mind. It was all bad but ultimately everything will be ok. I just have to get through my court date and then hers where she will probably just get a slap on the wrist for stealing and pawning all that jewelry. Well it is out of my hands and karma is not a nice woman so I'll leave it to her and God. I've had Bipolar since my early 20's so that is 25+ years. I've been stable for more than 15 years. This has really thrown me for a loop. More than the break up of a 5 year relationship of the death of my Mom. I don't know why exactly. I think because it combined so many bad elements, lying, stealing, betrayal, loss, confusion, hurt, frustration, pain, self doubt, legal issues, mourning for the loss of someone I thought I know and a relationship I thought I had, watching someone I loved effortlessly move onto someone else in a matter of days. All craziness of and addict. As my doctor put it: When drugs are involved all bets are off. Thanks guys.

GnarlyWoman

Chances are, when she was arraigned in Court she was told not to have any contact with the victim. In this case, you. So it wasn't anything personal.

Glad to hear that you are working on getting you back to a better place. Good luck!

eveewonder

Thanks everyone. I'm feeling much better. You guys on here are all the best and I wish I could meet everyone of you in person! I know my story here sounds completely crazy and sick. I'm really just a regular boring person who goes to work everyday, has pets, has some nice hobbies, takes vacations, enjoys nature, no drugs, hardly ever has a drink, and goes to bed early. I'm really glad I'm off of this, healing and moving forward.

gfwhoneverknew

It doesn't sound crazy to us!!! we've all experienced hurt by an addict and that's probably a safe bet!

eveewonder

Thanks gfwoneverknew.... I sort of feel like I got smacked and caught up in an unexpected tsunami only to come to all beat up, dismayed and disoriented saying what the what happened here?????? Luckily I'm understanding now, getting oriented again and drying off from that tsunami, rebuilding too :-) There is a very, very, very tiny speck of me that will pray for my exgf who suffers from addiction amongst other things and just pray for her to find sobriety and peace. At some point I will have to be a witness in the theft and pawning case against her but I no longer worry about that at all.

Wing

U are not alone...

The dysfunctional relationship involving drugs and alcohol drives us crazy... I could hardly tell my friends and family about this... But I actually almost did the same as u did... Twice. Really close.

First time was when my exABF bought cocaine home with his friend. I was crying and begging him not snort it. There were lots of beer bottle coz there were drinking too. I'm totally sober coz I don't drink, don't smoke, don't do drugs. But I lost my mind. I broke the bottle and threaten him that I'd cut my wrist if he doesn't give me the coke and let me throw it away. End up he grabbed my broken glass and also put the whole pack of coke into his mouth and ate it all.

Second time was that he kicked me out at 5am coz I nagged at him on his crazy drinking and coke use 4 nites a week. He suddenly flipped and kicked me out. I broke the empty glasses coz I felt really disrespectful and angry. I cried and he took pic of me with his phone!!! It really hurt ... i grabbed the glass wanting to cut my wrist...

I am sure that one would imagine I would go insane like this... But I did... I cannot tell my friend and family about this coz I know it'd break their heart.

I think such toxic relationship triggers some internal hidden problem of me... I don't know if its bipolar? I will try to heal.

eveewonder

Don't worry Wing. You were around a sick person. Active addiction can make people behave in ways that are completely inhumane and sick our emotional reactions to them and their behavior is not rational sometimes. It doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. My doctors actually keep reminding me that what I'm going through and what happened is basically within the realm of normal given what I'm dealing with and all that has happened. There are also people out there who are sociopaths who would be lying manipulative beasts even without drugs. We can't really say if it is all addiction making our ex's behave the way they do or other issues. In a way the harassment charge against me is a blessing because now I don't think at all about contacting my ex. I can't. She is ordered by the court not to contact me either......so there you have it. All of this drama played out in a small town. I used to be such a private person. The police even put here theft and pawning news in the paper and on fb as well as her mug shot. It has been a nightmare I never could have imagined but this to shall pass. Hang in there and please know you are not alone :-)

lilyB2013

I'm so happy to read this post in the sea of other posts of such sadness you've felt. I'm happy you're not worrying so much.

Being caught up in the addiction-tsunami, beat up and broken and being taken from our normal lives into the insanity of someone else's isn't the natural order of things. We shouldn't be so hard on ourselves- we didn't ask to be involved in such a terrifying way.


That has actually been a mantra for myself for a long time now: I'm a great, amazing, happy person. People love me and love to be around me. I am not my AXBF's addiction and I sure as hell am not going to be defined by someone else's problem.

eveewonder

Rock on Lily!!! It does get better but OMG it is in no way easy. I seriously wouldn't wish this kind of pain and craziness on my worst enemy, no one. If this is kind of what being an addict is like I seriously couldn't take it. Nothing and no body is worth all of this. I can't believe I got sucked up into all of it. Love and emotion is blind and I'm just human. My doc says not to beat myself up at all...It happens, that is life. :-) I'm so grateful to have found this SR site. I like it better than meetings plus I can do this when it is convenient for me. Meetings sometimes take away from time I would rather be doing something else and I feel like I'm losing some of my free time to my exagf and I don't like that feeling.

gfwhoneverknew

Eveewonder...I'm glad u found the site!! Yeah a snami??how ever its spelled sounds spot on for an analogy of what happens!! I feel this site while can't be the pot of gold yet at the end of the rainbow (cuz were not there yet) but rather is little helpful friends holding umbrellas on our way home!!