alphaomega

A month ago I was miserable. Wired, strung out, over stressed, hungover 4 to 5 days a week. Just at my wits end. Went on holiday with some friends who got up and started to drink and I tried to do the same. I mean I really tried. Fortunately, I don't have that sort of constitution, so I decided that I had to do SOMETHING to make my incessant anxiety and fear stop. Clearly the booze wasn't working. Nor had it ever worked.

SO I stopped drinking. Honestly, I had no intention of exactly "quitting" as I was quite sure there was no way in hell I could given my life circumstances , situation, etc....waaaaahhhhhhh

So long story longer, I got through the initial yuks. And had some social tests that were challenging but I survived. And I realized life is really rather awesome sober. And I like it here in Soberland. Alot And I'm happier and healthier and even though life isn't perfect, it's wonderful.

But now, I am faced with tomorrow....

I have a huge party to go to, that I invited 12 people to. I can't back out and I can't fake sick. Back a few months ago when I put out the invitation I was actually bragging about, are you ready for this, DRINKING WITHIN A INCH OF MY LIFE. Goofing about having to be hospitalized afterwards, etc. Now I am beyond mortified that I ever thought alcohol was a joke. The thought of my words and thoughts literally nauseates me. There is NOTHING FUNNY ABOUT INTENTIONALLY POISONING YOURSELF TO DEATH. Granted back then I did not have, even the remotest clue, what I was doing to myself. I was just following the herd knowing full well that I could not possible have any fun without it.

But now I'm older, and a little wiser. Actually, thanks to this safe haven, ALOT wiser. And I am faced with this day that was going to be my reintroduction to the good old days. The wild girl, dancing and partying within an inch of her life. But something radically has changed in me and suddenly, I no longer want to get drunk.

Confession: I'm not sure I am going to make it. But I sure as hell want to. I want to so much I can't even believe I'm saying this when I gave myself this out a month ago.

Life is so much better here.

I appreciate any wisdom and advice.

Grateful.

doggonecarl

If you are determined to go there is not much I can say except have a exit strategy in place and leave at the first sign that you are going to give in to drinking.

Olive1

If I wanted to stay sober, I would not go to the party.

Debe5

Can u offer to be the DD?

ScottFromWI

That statement is false. You can back out and you don't even need to fake sick to do so. If the sole purpose of the function is to get drunk, there's absolutely no reason to be there anyway. Honestly what's the point of going in the first place? Your friends will be drunk soon enough to not even notice that you are gone anyway.

I still attend celebrations where drinking is going on ( weddings, graduations, holidays, etc. ) but the drinking is not the main focus, and there are plenty of people who attend without drinking and have just as good of a time as everyone else. But in my humble opinion, attending a Drunkfest as a recovering addict really makes no sense at all.

As Carl said, if you do go make sure you have an exit strategy - because the peer pressure will be immense.

MeSoSober

. . . you've got to ask yourself one question. Do you feel committed to sobriety? Well do ya punk?

That was a "Dirty Harry" joke. I'm not really calling you a punk.

Whether you go or you don't, this is kind of where the rubber meets the road, isn't it, in terms of your commitment to sobriety?

If your friends are truly friends, they won't abandon you or hold a grudge if you decide, for the sake of your well-being, not to attend a drunkfest. They might abandon you because you've decided to get sober, but if that's going to happen, it'll happen whether or not you attend this particular party. But you know that, right?

It doesn't make much sense to me for you to go at all, given that it seems the primary reason for the party is to get hammered, but if you do, offering to be the designated driver sounds like a great idea.

Having typed all that, it's really just a terrible, lousy, really bad idea for you to go. Bad. As in Not Good. This really sounds like your AV hard at work wanting you to find a way to drink again. Even if you succeed in not drinking, are you really going to enjoy yourself at all around everyone else who is, and who, it sounds like from your post, will be drinking to excess? Sounds to be like you'll be miserable AND subjecting yourself to a very great possibility of getting drunk.

There might be some justification for this if it was your sister's engagement party or your parents' anniversary party. But a party to celebrate nothing (it sounds like) but getting drunk? Not so much.

Soberpotamus

+1

alphaomega

See that's the problem.

IT is a drunkfest. But I also have people flying in from various parts of the country to attend this party that I am the hostess of.

So not going is not an option.

Loving the honesty and tough love coming from this.

I could use a good, swift kick in the arse.

ScottFromWI

Unless the party is at your house I still don't see why you can't just skip most of it. Honestly, what are you going do do if you go? Sit around and watch them get drunk?

Lifebeginsat41

If there really is no option and you can't fake sick what about initially staying sober to be hostess? Then fake the drink? Non alcohol wine in a wine glass?

MeSoSober

I am only half-kidding when I say that once the guests have arrived, you gather everyone in a room or on the patio and stand on a chair and you announce that you've given up booze and that you are NOT TO DRINK that evening.

Do you have plenty of non-alcoholic beverages available? How about having ingredients for two or three fancy non-alcoholic mixed drinks for yourself and others? That will feel more festive than soda but you're still booze-free.

Commit to checking in here for support every 30 minutes during the party. That's something else you can do.

Designate a "wing man" to keep an eye on you. Yes, I do think this is an environment in which a babysitter would be advisable. Particularly this early into your sobriety.

PLAN. I think the key is to have a PLAN.

sithman

I like the last post!

If you must absolutely go to such an event, simply tell them all that you have given up drinking.

I think it is the kind of thing people actually respect and will support! ; )

SnwFlower

Since you're already committed to going and are the hostess. Is it possible for you to contact a handful of friends that will be attending and tell them about your new road to sobriety? Not sure if that's too "out there" of an option, but perhaps the more friends you tell, the higher the expectation of yourself to remain sober will be.

Carlotta

Hi

Do you have any friends who will attend who are non drinkers or light drinkers so you can stick with them?
I found that post you wrote and I hope you print it out and read it before going to the party so you can really stay strong http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post4004934

NorCaliGal

Hi alphaomega -

I understand your predicament, being the social party girl drinker. Others may not agree with me, but I think it's perfectly acceptable to think up a "cover" for these situations. Like, you're taking medication that you can't mix with alcohol. Or you doctor says you have the beginnings of an ulcer, so you can't drink. Or, drink something that LOOKS like it could have alcohol in it - who's to say that glass with soda and lime, or cola and lime, has no alcohol in it?

Alternately, you could volunteer to be the party photographer. I wound up doing this - completely unplanned - at a friends party a few months ago. Although it was not with the intention of not drinking, I discovered it's difficult to take pictures with a drink in your hand. By the end of the evening I discovered I'd only had one beer (if that!) - and I hadn't missed out on any of the fun because I was right in the middle of everything, taking pictures and encouraging everyone to pose, etc. (Bonus, you get to see just how foolish alcohol makes everyone else, which is great reinforcement not to drink!)

Just my thoughts - good lucky on navigating a tricky evening.

NCG

RunningClean

A sober friend of mine says that in his early days he'd think nothing of the odd white lie to get him through situations like this. He'd say he's on antibiotics and can't drink. He's got a dentist appointment first thing in the morning (man, this abcess is killing me) so he can't drink. He has to take a parent to the doctor so he can't drink. He's picking up a friend from the airport in the morning so he can't drink. Anything. The point he always makes to me is that SOBRIETY COMES FIRST. EVERY TIME.

Whatever you decide to do, I hope it all works out OK.

fantail

If these friends love you enough to fly across the country to attend your party, they're not just drinking buddies, they're friends.

And any friend would be horrified to discover that you were battling a life-threatening condition and they unknowingly made your struggle worse.

Tell them that you aren't drinking. Don't trick yourself into thinking that hiding it is better for them; it's not, it's only better for your addiction. You don't have to label yourself. At first I simply told my friends that I wasn't happy with my drinking and I was stopping for a while.

Then go and have fun and leave if/when you can't take it any more (it sounds like you and the friends are going to a larger event together, right?). Make sure everyone knows how to get home and tuck yourself in for the night. You'll be proud of yourself and your friends will be proud of you!

Dee74

Some great advice here AO.

I spent years doing things for others that I knew were not good for myself.
One of the benefits of recovery has been rediscovering my sense of well-being and self worth.

I'm worthy of taking care of, and I'm worthy of being protected.

I think you are too - let your decisions reflect that.

D

ElegantlyWasted

"So long story longer, I got through the initial yuks. And had some social tests that were challenging but I survived."

Thanks for making that "Long Story Longer". Re: Social Tests... It's funny when we get in the habit of not drinking in places/situations where we used to. We actually get used to being sober and comfortable. Its actually a heck of a lot of fun people watching.

DarkDays

Go and be cool to be sober, the sheep drink ba ba ba.