Reflecting on my time here...

Old 06-20-2013, 11:08 AM
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Reflecting on my time here...

A recent comment about how long I have been at SR got me thinking about why I still participate in this forum. I've been separated from my AH since 2005 and divorced since 2007. My life since then has been an amazing, sometimes agonizing, adventure and I am truly happy with where I am. But, I haven't forgotten what brought me here nor the difficult lessons learned along the way.

When I first mustered the courage to post about my situation, after lurking for more than a year, I wasn't prepared for the responses I would get. I was such a victim. I was so right and my AH was so wrong. I never dreamed that people on this board would challenge my thought process and ask me to look at myself rather than him. I mean, he was the one causing all the problems in my life, right? Surely I had nothing to do with the situation I found myself in, other than having the bad luck to have married an alcoholic.

It's been a very long and bumpy road to get to where I am today, and I am fairly certain there will be more bumps ahead. But, having people who cared enough about me to grab me by the shoulders and point my gaze in a different direction has been my saving grace. Oh, I got my back up a few times, and felt insulted more than once. And as I have shared my lessons over the years, I have seen others get their back up, too. I have also seen some of those people make fantastic changes and turn their lives around. This is what keeps me coming back. That, and the fact that I have made some wonderful friends on this board, some whom I have never met in person, and a few who I have actually had the pleasure to meet in real life. Of all the internet forums I've participated in over the years, this is only one where I feel genuine friendship. Maybe that's because I've found people here who have challenged and questioned me and shown me another way to see things.

Currently, I'm facing some challenges that have nothing to do with alcholism, and yet, the lessons I've learned continue to serve me as I trudge forward into this new territory. I've been turned down by the bank for a HAMP modification of my mortgage and am facing foreclosure. There was a time in my life that I would have been a mess of anxiety over the possibility of losing my house and having to move into a tiny rental. But I'm not worried because I know things will work out as they should. This is just another adventure unfolding in my life and I look forward to the new possibilities that will come as a result.

Some of you may have noticed that I do not come around here as much as I used to, and I suppose that is part of the process as well. I have much to work on with my photography business and it takes much more of my time to do it than just the actual shooting of photos. While I'm not around every day like I once was, I don't intend to leave altogether because this board still occupies a very special place in my heart and soul. And my hope is that I might possibly serve as an inspiration to those who feel lost and stuck and victimized by the A in their life. I can relate to that. It is possible to change your life if you are willing to make difficult changes in yourself. Life is a wonderful, beautiful, amazing, challenging, difficult journey, and I will remain a work in progress the rest of my days. Thank you for sharing the adventure with me.
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Old 06-20-2013, 11:29 AM
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This is just another adventure unfolding in my life and I look forward to the new possibilities that will come as a result.
Thank you, sometimes I have to remember life is not happening AT me.
It just IS.

I am sorry for your loss, but you will recover, no doubt about that.
I still dream of moving from a tiny apartment to a tiny house.

Keep your dreams alive, and keep taking photographs.

Beth
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Old 06-20-2013, 11:39 AM
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Great post, LTD. As you know by now, it isn't the size of the house, it's the quantity of peace inside that counts.
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Old 06-20-2013, 11:54 AM
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Thanks for your post--and just this very morning, I read on another thread "Sometimes when things seem to be falling apart, they are really falling into place!"

I copied that to my ever-growing "Wisdom of SR" file...

Again, great post and thanks so much for sharing what you have learned and found along your path.
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Old 06-20-2013, 01:18 PM
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Oh LaTeeDa...... you have been an inspriation to me over the past 5 years and I wish you only the best. Sometimes the hard truth is what we need to hear and yes, I think we all have had our feeling hurt or felt insulted at one time or another....but its all part of the learning process. Thank you for sharing your story and words of wisdom with all of us. I am happy to hear that you will still be around after all this time.
As far as your home..... I know it is sad but could be another chapter in your life that could br4ing very happy things. HP has his plan.......
BTW....... the waterfall photo is magnificent!!
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Old 06-20-2013, 02:21 PM
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Thanks everyone. And, just so you know, I'm not giving up on the house yet! Just because the bank turned me down doesn't mean it's over! I just called FannieMae today and they are sending me a modification packet to fill out and return. And the lady I talked to was much more pleasant and helpful than any of the people I've dealt with at Citi. So, the process will continue for a little while longer at least. But, I have decided that no matter what happens, I will be okay. And I believe that.

And now, I have more photos to edit! Back to work, lol.

L
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Old 06-20-2013, 06:55 PM
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LTD, you've been one of those constants for me over the last 2.5 years of my time here. I can't tell you how much I have appreciated the voice of wisdom when I was incapable of untwisting my head long enough to make sense out of it all.

Do know you are appreciated, as well as admired, and not just for your amazing photography eye (have I told you lately how awesome you are?!)

So I am more than a photograph fan (I admit to everyone here, I now have THREE LTD original's hanging in my house!)

I also consider you a dear friend. Prayers all works out as it is meant to. And I have a sneaking suspicion it will.
~T
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Old 06-20-2013, 08:12 PM
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Originally Posted by Tuffgirl View Post
I also consider you a dear friend. Prayers all works out as it is meant to. And I have a sneaking suspicion it will.
~T
Aw TG, I feel the same way about you. And I really look forward to the day I can make it to Alaska and BS over coffee with you.

As far as things working out, they will. They always do, as long as I am willing to let go of the outcome, and I have.

L
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Old 06-20-2013, 09:09 PM
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Anytime! You will be in photographer heaven up here! So many times I wish I had a good camera handy.
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Old 06-20-2013, 09:37 PM
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Thank you for the inspirational post. I really need to work on allowing things to happen, and trusting that everything will work out like it's supposed to.

You have no idea how healthy you sound to me. I am surrounded by people losing their sh*t over the dishwasher needing to be replaced, or the car getting a ding!

Your photo is beautiful and the situation with the house will resolve itself just how it should!!
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Old 06-21-2013, 11:37 AM
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Speaking of reflecting. Here is another image I just finished.
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Old 06-21-2013, 08:38 PM
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You are, and continue to be, an inspiration. Thank you for this post, those beautiful pictures, and your insights.
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Old 06-21-2013, 08:58 PM
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I am glad people like you continue to come back and share. I always try to read your posts as I find them so inspiring. Thank you and God bless.

Your pictures are always so breathe taking.
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Old 06-22-2013, 07:27 PM
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Sending you lucky vibes that the house situation works out to your favor, and sooner rather than later.

And my hope is that I might possibly serve as an inspiration to those who feel lost and stuck and victimized by the A in their life.
You were certainly a bright light when I first came here. I could relate to so much of what you wrote and drew inspiration and courage from every word. I still look for your posts and am grateful for your contributions here.
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Old 06-22-2013, 07:38 PM
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LTD- I think it's fair to say that I would most definitely fall into the category of a never whose back came up and who, just as you did you say when you first came, got offended and defensive at the suggestions by you and several other key members here, that I had much more control over my circumstances than I cared to admit.

Boy was I a victim. It was all AH's fault and I was justified in every reaction and choice I made bc it was all his fault. Yeah right.

I think it's fair to say I was a collosal pain in the you know what to some members here bc I was so adamant that my life w an alcoholic was unique and no one understood it blah blah blah

While I did not appreciate the wisdom you had for me back when I first arrived you have no idea how useful your words were even when I hated to hear them.

You were right. About it all. And I find myself reading newer members posts at times and see my earlier self in them and find myself annoyed at the denial and excuse making and willingness to stay stuck despite clear ways out and I realize that it must have take a great deal of compassion and patience on your part to continue to post to me even when I wasn't willing to listen for quite some time

I appreciate your post here tonight and am so sorry your home is not able to be saved . I know it doesn't help at all w your house but you really should know that there are a handful of members here who I credit w helping get me out of my disastrous life that I willingly stayed in for so long and you absolutely were essential in helping me.

I don't know that I've ever thanked you directly so I wanted to do so.

Thank you
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Old 06-23-2013, 01:15 AM
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Cool

LTD thank you for everything!! your words helped me tonight. You are an inspiration
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Old 06-28-2013, 08:57 PM
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Aw, you all are just too cool. THAT'S why I keep coming back!

L
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Old 06-29-2013, 06:38 AM
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I don't know if this fits your situation at all, and I have no idea of your age at all, but if you are 62 and have some equity in your house - maybe a third - you can look into getting a reverse mortgage. It's a federal government program and it requires no income at all to get the mortgage. PM me if you'd like to learn more - anyone else who wants to is welcome, too. You can also buy a new house with a reverse mortgage if you have cash but no income.

ShootingStar1
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Old 06-29-2013, 07:18 AM
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LTD you truely are an inspiration and Iam greatful for all of your widsom and experience you have shared here. You have helped me in so many ways that you couldn't imagine. Thank you for being you and for being here..

((hugs))
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Old 06-29-2013, 02:48 PM
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Thanks SS, but I'm only 50. And the equity I had in this house evaporated when the real estate market crashed. I'm currently working with FannieMae and also seeking HUD counseling resources to negotiate with my lender. I'm not giving up until I have exhausted all options. I have a friend in southern Cal. who was two weeks from auction when the bank agreed to forgive a substantial amount of principal. She ended up keeping her house and her payment went from $2500/mo. to $800/mo. Who knows, maybe I can get a deal like that if I'm persistent enough. And if I don't, well at least I will have given it my best shot.

L
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