gfwhoneverknew

I decided to write this thread because I am tired of everyone out there in the public using the terms addicts, druggies, low lifes. These drug addicts are human beings and although they tend to put us in the back seat (while in active addiction), heck we usually are all the way in the back of the bus seats but don't forget, they're not driving!! Their addicction is behind the wheel and our bfs, gfs, husbands etc are their slave!!! I don't know if I'm writing this in case an addict may stumble across this and find themselves at their lowest point and is ready for recovery, but I think they deserve at that point hope, luck and LOVE. If its not their current family cuz they caused to much hurt, than first they need to learn to LOVE themselves. Good luck to everyone

lizwig

I agree. I work in healthcare and see all sides of the spectrum. I finally had to have a heart to heart with a co-worker who, despite being one of very few who know my struggles, kept referring to"meth heads" and even once when we heard from the mother of an addict she had the nerve to suggest if this woman had been a better mother she may not have a druggie son. I think I'm being very kind to myself when I say it was not my finest moment. I laid it out for her. Shamed her beyond belief. And told her I would not put another ounce of energy into maintaining any semblance of a relationship with her. Unfortunately, despite her obvious ignorance, I think she took the brunt of a lot of my self imposed shame. For that I am truly sorry. Enough to apologize? No. I'm not to step 9 yet!

gfwhoneverknew

Love ur big vocabulary!!

lizwig

Big words? Me? No.

Ann

I've always like the saying "Love the addict, hate the disease."

My son is a kind, gentle, polite, loving person who would never ever intentionally hurt anyone. Addiction changed all that and yet I know that my son is still in there somewhere and pray that one day I may see him again.

I don't like what addiction does to people or what people who are in active addiction do, they destroy not only themselves but all who love them and it's a terrible journey for any of us.

But I also believe that there is hope for even the most hopeless addict and as long as I breathe I will hold that hope in my heart and pray that they find a better path...and then I will leave the rest up to them and to God.

Hugs

allthatsgood

Thank you for posting that GF. Long before addiction entered my world, I always disliked those terms.

gfwhoneverknew

Ann, after my bfs arrest Ibecame close to his Mom! While I met my bf out at a restaurant, i still say his Mom introduced me to him ( months later after his arrest telling me his bout his drug life! He's her first born and we talk for hrs on the phone when my bf went away! Even though she's in the medical field working w addicts n pain mgmt she totally was in deep denial w her beautiful son, my bf! I hope for my sake and hers, when he's out in few mos he's meaning what he says bout staying clean....but like his Mom says, she does believe him now but his thoughts about it can change once out.

tnwife

I agree with your post. But at times its so hard to separate the addiction from the person.

LoveMeNow

For me, it has been a long process to have compassion and understanding. Although, I have often used ignorant words to describe an addicted person, words I regret, I understand why some still do. Anger was part of the process for me and many others. We all have our own journey.....

CharlieNoogan

Finally, someone posts something like this in the F&F forum. Thank you.

incitingsilence

Every addict is someone’s child, but …

While I think it is very important to remove the just another junkie stigma, and see the person for more than maybe they ever saw themselves, as capable, as deserving of love, to be compassionate … It is also equally as important to be able to accept the truth one has in front of them. There are many stories out there, some not even close to being fully written . And I have read far to many about those who stay with abusive, violent and highly dangerous partners because they so love …. Tending to forget to love themselves. And you know it isn’t the drugs, that is too easy an excuse to blame it all on, hell blame anything on…

Just like it is far to easy to blame it all on the addict … oh I do so despise that “look what they did to me“. It always seemed so allowed…

Fear, and desperation run a lot of the stigma.
As does shame, guilt, and the secrecy that the addiction is so counting on for survival.

gfwhoneverknew

Your welcome Charlie! To Incitingsilence... I in NO WAY advocate staying in a relationship w/anyone who inflicts violence or abuse in any way!! Addict or non addict!! My adbf lied...was it wrong? Heck YEAH!! But I understand more now about active addiction and hope he is too!

EJG123

For good or bad, ostracizing addicts is one mechanism that society uses to discourage drug abuse. Guess it didn't work for my daughter but she accepts that she made the choice to go there. Despite her active addiciton, her compassion and generosity are obvious to anyone who meets her.

People who blame the parents of drug addicts for the problem are just being ignorant though. With the problem being as pervasive as it is now, they should be aware that there is a good likelihood that they are airing their prejudices to people who are the friends or family members of an addict.

Justfor1

IMO, the labels "crack head" or "dope fiend" make addicts feel less of mainstream society and cause the addict to sink lower into the anti-social behavior.

Kindeyes

Yes.....any label is a one dimensional description of who we are as people. Derogatory labels are inappropriate in any regard. However, many of my dear friends are recovering addicts, they will refer to themselves as addicts in recovery and they do not view the word "addict" as derogatory.

Often it is the intent behind a word that gives it power. Anything that is said to purposely make another person feel "less than" is a reflection on he/she who says it--not on the person they are referring to!

I think a lot of what is said and read here in the F&F is a result of the pain that has been endured by the loved ones. It is hard to have compassion if you've been lied to, cheated on, ripped off, watched helplessly as your finances are destroyed, etc. Just as it's important to have compassion for the addict, it's important to have compassion for those who love them. Their pain is no less real than a person in active addiction.

I am codependent. I have no problem referring to myself as such. However, if someone were to use the word "codependent" in a derogatory manner toward me in an attempt to make me feel "less than", I might take offense. But I can also take away the power of the word by opening admitting what "is".

I think we should all be mindful to how we refer to others but we should also be compassionate to the struggle of all who are dealing with addiction--the addict and those who love them.

gentle hugs
ke

interrupted

I don't think "addict" deserves to be on the list.

People use "druggie" or "low life" in a derogatory sense, but being an "addict" - well, that just is what it is. My sister is an addict. My father is an alcoholic. My mother is an addict and an alcoholic. I am an ACoA and a codependent. I spent a very long time sugar coating those concepts, I don't want to hide from them anymore. I can't hide from them anymore.

gfwhoneverknew

I agree an addict is what they become and something they live with until they decide to get clean, I meant to label them diminishes what else they are. I know it feels sometimes they've been invaded by aliens like the old show from the eighties "v" but in fact its worse, their mind has been altered by a drug right down the street and not as far as another planet!! I wished that's where we could put all the drugs but then our pharmac.. co's and ins. Cos would b out of business and let's not forget...MONEY is more important that our PEOPLE!

allforcnm

Thank you for this post. I also think it is an important topic. I don't refer to my husband as an addict, or a recovering addict. He is just my husband. Derogatory labels are obvious to most, things like "crackhead", "junkie". But I also think it's possibly unhealthy to use the term addict and recovering addict when outside of most circles. I think it goes to the view society holds on people with addiction issues. We separate them out. They are special in a bad way usually. Many view them as immoral because they use drugs. "that addict that lives down the street" "the guy in accounting we all know is a pill freak" followed by winks or nods. And while some programs of recovery embrace labels, others don't. People are not their addiction. It should not define them.

Recognizing of course that addiction often causes unacceptable and illegal behavior is necessary; but I think it is also good to realize people are at various stages of addiction, and some maintain overall normal lives with addiction hidden in the background. Fear of being labeled also keeps people from coming forward and asking for help. They fear the stigma, the reaction of their families, their children being taken away, losing their jobs. This causes progression of their addiction. So I see a ripple effect myself and it all starts with our perception of what an "addict" is.

gfwhoneverknew

WELL said!!

Justfor1

[QUOTE=allforcnm;4027270]Thank you for this post. I also think it is an important topic. I don't refer to my husband as an addict, or a recovering addict. He is just my husband. Derogatory labels are obvious to most, things like "crackhead", "junkie". But I also think it's possibly unhealthy to use the term addict and recovering addict when outside of most circles. I think it goes to the view society holds on people with addiction issues. We separate them out. They are special in a bad way usually. Many view them as immoral because they use drugs. "that addict that lives down the street" "the guy in accounting we all know is a pill freak" followed by winks or nods. And while some programs of recovery embrace labels, others don't. People are not their addiction. It should not define them.

The last two sentences are very important. No matter how bad the addict is in their addiction it is not who they are. They were not born drug addicts.