advbike

Hi, new here and hoping the support group will help me to quit drinking for good. I'm in my mid 50's and have been a moderate but regular drinker for most of my adult life (2-4 beers or wine per day) to reduce the job stress and social anxiety. I realized in my 30's I was drinking too much and even quit for two years during my marriage but never worked on myself so the underlying anxiety and shame were never addressed. I grew up with a Dad who was absent (worked overseas) and alcoholic, although he managed it well until the later years.

In my 40's I became successful career-wise but the pressures and anxiety were growing from increasing job responsibilities, a masters program and continued drinking. Personal relationships were hit and miss. I tried to quit but was unable to go more than 30-60 days before relapsing. About this time it began to affect the quality of my sleep and now even 2-3 drinks creates early morning anxiety and worries. My relapse triggers are social situations, dining out, and travel. As a result I have tended to avoid many potential opportunities in order to try to stay sober.

I have tried AA but really don't like the meetings, partly because of social anxiety but mostly because I find them boring and it's hard to relate to many of the drunkalogs. My life is not "unmanageable" and I've yet to experience the scale of problems that many have, even though drinking has undoubtedly had a negative impact on my health, personal relationships and happiness. Maybe I'm simply defining it wrong. Deep down I fear I'm one of "those unfortunates" that they refer to in AA who cannot be honest with themselves and are doomed to failure. On the other hand, it seems many replace their drinking with an obsession of going to meetings and I don't want my life to revolve around meetings.

Well, I'm retired now and have more time to work on it so here I am. Day 14. Headed out for a bike ride and hoping to make it two weeks by tonight.

Carlotta

to SR.
I don't think you are one of those unfortunates which are referred to in the Big Book. It clearly states that they were born that way..and that many with mental disorders do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.
You post is pretty honest and straightforward. You are like me, a high bottom alcoholic. Hit your bottom before it gets lower. You seem like an intelligent man and you know that alcoholism does not get better and that sooner or later, there will be bad consequences whether social, mental or physical.

Now, AA migh or might not be for you...take your time to check out the forums and find an approach which works for YOU. I love AA but I also use AVRT and this board, there are other methods of recovery. The important thing is to formulate a plan, stick to it and not pick up no matter what.
Why don't you join us in the 24 hours club as a starter? A lifetime of sobriety might feel overwhelming but just committing to stay sober for the next 24 hous is doable isn't it?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-6-a.html
You might also want to join the class of June, I am in the class of January and I got tremendous support from my peers who got sober at the same time I did and went through similar experience in early sobriety. Here is the link http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...pt-2-a-15.html
Welcome again and WE can do it

Lifebeginsat41

Welcome to SR and congratulations on 13 days so far - fingers crossed for the 14th!!

I think you are unsure whether you want to commit to being sober - that's what I get from your post. You say your life isn't 'unmanageable' and then say that it has damaged your health, relationships & happiness - which sounds like it has been pretty unmanageable to me. I also have been highly functioning, but I have now taken the decision to be sober (13 days today so I'm a day behind you!) because I want my health, relationships & happiness to be managed by me, and not wine.

There s a lot of support here - I hope you take advantage of it. Join in the daily support class with the rest of us June newbies - look forward to seeing you in there.

least

to SR! Staying sober is simple: just don't drink. Not always easy, but simple. Find hobbies to occupy yourself during your drinking time. Make some changes in your personal life to accommodate sobriety. You can do this!

advbike

Thanks everyone. I will try the groups you suggested.

Lifebeginsat41

You know you can do it :-)

advbike

Good points. By unmanageable I meant loss of job, DUI, blackouts, etc. Yes, I have suffered in terms of personal relationships and happiness and that is what makes me want to do better. I know deep down I can't moderate my drinking so yes, I'm committed to my sobriety. Thanks for your comments!

Lifebeginsat41

I'm glad that's what you mean. And I'm similar (apart from my wake up call) but I can be grateful I stopped drinking before I got to the loss of job / DUI stage.