Day 21 check in
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: The Emerald City
Posts: 434
Right on! 3 Weeks!! I love seeing these numbers grow! 
I hope your knee feels better. I know that you like to stay active to help keep your mind focused, do you have other things in mind that you can do while your knee heels? Like fishing, writing, etc.
I hope your knee feels better. I know that you like to stay active to help keep your mind focused, do you have other things in mind that you can do while your knee heels? Like fishing, writing, etc.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,920
I have to study for my class so I am reading. I have been writing and fishing, playing guitar. My mind still feels foggy though, and I am having trouble sleeping, but the class will be over next week. I do not want to be in this class now but I have to do it. I am trying to stay calm and not freak out. This class is just too stressful for me right now but it will be over soon.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 987
Originally Posted by Acheleus 
I am limping around like a village drunk.
Been following your progress, Acheleus, and I find it inspiring and totally commendable. Keep going!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,920
Thank you for the support. I think I sprained the inside of my knee. It was feeling better so I took a long walk last night, but I woke up and could barely walk. So I am going to stay off it until it gets better. Today is stressful because I have a test tomorrow and I have to study all day, but I think I can learn what I need to know. Three weeks is not that long but it feels like a LONG time for me. Being sober really does open up a lot of hours and opportunities. I'm just learning how this stuff works, and I finally accepted the fact that I am an alcoholic, a binge drinker who cannot control his drinking. One day I just want a family and a wife, and I know if I drink I will remain alone or in dysfunctional relationships like the last one I just got out of. When I think of the five years of my life wasted on another person I want to just drink and raise hell, but I know now that my drinking led me into that bad relationship. Now I am learning to care for my self and I won't just stay with the first person who is nice to me, flirts with me, etc. When I get some sober time I will start dating, but I have to learn not to depend on anyone else for my happiness. My mind still feels loopy and I hope my body is starting to heal. SR is very important to my life right now and I appreciate everyone on here and their positive reinforcement.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,920
Lots of insights about my parents' alcoholism today and how much it influenced my behavior. One went to jail, lived on relatives couches for years. The other went bankrupt and lost everything. No help from them during college except threatening phone calls. I feel like I have no family and this keeps my self esteem down, plus I feel like poor white trash. Both my grandparents committed suicide. One aunt did it too. Drinking really kept me alive during some awful years when I should have been enjoying my life but instead had my blood sucked by my sick parents. Today was an awful day--no energy, deep sadness, pessimistic outlook, bleak dreams. I'm really not sure if I can survive all this pain from the bad memories. No one taught me how to be a man, to be self- sufficient, I was always just used to make someone feel better about their empty life. That is no way to treat a human being.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
I'm so sorry 
You are strong. Just keep going. It's going to get better. Haha, I'm newly sober and cheering you on like I know what I'm talking about! But truly... I just know and believe it WILL get better! You know it too. And you know it'll be worth it in the long run to get through this emotional pain now.
You seeing a therapist yet?
Btw, I can relate to the dysfunctional family. My mom died from her alcoholism. And many times growing up I felt like I was a bother for her, in her way maybe, and that it was all about her... always. Like I lived on the sidelines. She was that way pretty much up until she died. She was the black sheep of the family too. And it was embarrassing for me. She showed up at my high school graduation drunk off her arse, and I had to walk up there on stage and receive my honors diploma and was given the English award and a few other awards... knowing she was drunk in the audience. Terrible memory. I didn't even bother going to my college graduation.
Just wanted to say... I'm proud of you Though I only know you on this forum, still proud of you. You are worth all the effort you are putting into yourself!
You are strong. Just keep going. It's going to get better. Haha, I'm newly sober and cheering you on like I know what I'm talking about! But truly... I just know and believe it WILL get better! You know it too. And you know it'll be worth it in the long run to get through this emotional pain now. You seeing a therapist yet?
Btw, I can relate to the dysfunctional family. My mom died from her alcoholism. And many times growing up I felt like I was a bother for her, in her way maybe, and that it was all about her... always. Like I lived on the sidelines. She was that way pretty much up until she died. She was the black sheep of the family too. And it was embarrassing for me. She showed up at my high school graduation drunk off her arse, and I had to walk up there on stage and receive my honors diploma and was given the English award and a few other awards... knowing she was drunk in the audience. Terrible memory. I didn't even bother going to my college graduation.
Just wanted to say... I'm proud of you
Though I only know you on this forum, still proud of you. You are worth all the effort you are putting into yourself!
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