Slip Bull**** You were all right.
Slip Bull**** You were all right.
You were all right!!!! UGH! I drank 3 glasses of wine last Sunday!! And the crazy thing was I managed to shut up all my common sense and convince myself it was perfectly OK. I told myself it was OK because of the stress of packing and relocating. I know better! SHAME ON ME.
And I am pretty sure that glass of wine at the restaurant was the gateway, like a lot of people warned.
How does that happen?? No really, where was I? Me? Myself? Because I know better.
And heres what happened, I drank 3 glasses of white zin, my stomach protested after the first glass, I got all buzzy then very tired and went to bed.
But boy oh boy did I feel crappy the next morning.
In my heavy drinking days I would've laughed at the thought of 3 glasses giving me problems, but I have felt so wonderful for the past 4 1/2 months that even feeling a little off was terrible!!!!
An overall ICK sensation, a deep unquenchable thirst, a queasy gut, uneasy mind. I felt my old anxiety bubbling to the surface and I kept trying to stuff it down and I had no energy and just did not feel right.
And all I could think was it really worth it, you IDIOT!???
As of right now, the idea of drinking again absolutely does not appeal to me, because the wretched hangover fresh in my mind.
But what happens if after another couple months I give in to the sneaky devil again?
I have to admit, I am feeling kind of nervous and scared. I thought I had control over this stupidity.
And I am pretty sure that glass of wine at the restaurant was the gateway, like a lot of people warned.
How does that happen?? No really, where was I? Me? Myself? Because I know better.
And heres what happened, I drank 3 glasses of white zin, my stomach protested after the first glass, I got all buzzy then very tired and went to bed.
But boy oh boy did I feel crappy the next morning.
In my heavy drinking days I would've laughed at the thought of 3 glasses giving me problems, but I have felt so wonderful for the past 4 1/2 months that even feeling a little off was terrible!!!!
An overall ICK sensation, a deep unquenchable thirst, a queasy gut, uneasy mind. I felt my old anxiety bubbling to the surface and I kept trying to stuff it down and I had no energy and just did not feel right.
And all I could think was it really worth it, you IDIOT!???
As of right now, the idea of drinking again absolutely does not appeal to me, because the wretched hangover fresh in my mind.
But what happens if after another couple months I give in to the sneaky devil again?
I have to admit, I am feeling kind of nervous and scared. I thought I had control over this stupidity.
Thank you for this. I toy every once and a while to think I will have just one for the heck of it. I know it would open the flood gates and I would be back to the beginning.
Learn from it, don't beat yourself up about it and go on from here!
Learn from it, don't beat yourself up about it and go on from here!
Well, I suppose if nothing else you (and ALL OF US) can chalk this one up to a lesson learned. I sometimes am guilty of thinking that someday, I might be able to drink once or twice per year - on holidays or new year's or whatever. Your story reminds me to be vigilant. There really IS no such thing as moderation, is there?
As for your current situation, I understand the uneasiness. I too have been "on thin ice" recently and started to wonder where in the heck my sense of stability disappeared to. Makes me nervous just like you.
It sounds like a re-commitment is in order. A plan, a goal, a declaration of some kind. It's like when you sign a lease or something - you don't just sign a lease and then think "I will probably skip a few rent payments but things will be okay". Nope - you will find a way to make that payment, rain or shine, in good times and bad.
In my experience, I told a few close friends and family. I am now "out" as an alcoholic - I am accountable. I can't sneak a drink at family weddings, I can't go out with my old buddies to bars - they know this is serious business for me. Sure, it's led to some struggles in my social life, and some internal soul-searching. But at 11.5 months sober, it's worked so far.
Thanks for sharing your story and good luck.
As for your current situation, I understand the uneasiness. I too have been "on thin ice" recently and started to wonder where in the heck my sense of stability disappeared to. Makes me nervous just like you.
It sounds like a re-commitment is in order. A plan, a goal, a declaration of some kind. It's like when you sign a lease or something - you don't just sign a lease and then think "I will probably skip a few rent payments but things will be okay". Nope - you will find a way to make that payment, rain or shine, in good times and bad.
In my experience, I told a few close friends and family. I am now "out" as an alcoholic - I am accountable. I can't sneak a drink at family weddings, I can't go out with my old buddies to bars - they know this is serious business for me. Sure, it's led to some struggles in my social life, and some internal soul-searching. But at 11.5 months sober, it's worked so far.
Thanks for sharing your story and good luck.
So do everything in your power to secure a solid recovery that doesn't accept drinking. Ever.
Well, I suppose if nothing else you (and ALL OF US) can chalk this one up to a lesson learned. I sometimes am guilty of thinking that someday, I might be able to drink once or twice per year - on holidays or new year's or whatever. Your story reminds me to be vigilant. There really IS no such thing as moderation, is there?
As for your current situation, I understand the uneasiness. I too have been "on thin ice" recently and started to wonder where in the heck my sense of stability disappeared to. Makes me nervous just like you.
It sounds like a re-commitment is in order. A plan, a goal, a declaration of some kind. It's like when you sign a lease or something - you don't just sign a lease and then think "I will probably skip a few rent payments but things will be okay". Nope - you will find a way to make that payment, rain or shine, in good times and bad.
In my experience, I told a few close friends and family. I am now "out" as an alcoholic - I am accountable. I can't sneak a drink at family weddings, I can't go out with my old buddies to bars - they know this is serious business for me. Sure, it's led to some struggles in my social life, and some internal soul-searching. But at 11.5 months sober, it's worked so far.
Thanks for sharing your story and good luck.
As for your current situation, I understand the uneasiness. I too have been "on thin ice" recently and started to wonder where in the heck my sense of stability disappeared to. Makes me nervous just like you.
It sounds like a re-commitment is in order. A plan, a goal, a declaration of some kind. It's like when you sign a lease or something - you don't just sign a lease and then think "I will probably skip a few rent payments but things will be okay". Nope - you will find a way to make that payment, rain or shine, in good times and bad.
In my experience, I told a few close friends and family. I am now "out" as an alcoholic - I am accountable. I can't sneak a drink at family weddings, I can't go out with my old buddies to bars - they know this is serious business for me. Sure, it's led to some struggles in my social life, and some internal soul-searching. But at 11.5 months sober, it's worked so far.
Thanks for sharing your story and good luck.
Yeah, well I figured if I was going to beat this thing I'd need all the help I could get. I have been left to my own devices in the past, and when it comes to drinking I simply can't do it alone. I absolutely hate feeling "supervised", but this is different. I am not just doing this for myself - I'm doing it for my parents, my sister, my niece, my aunts & uncles, and my best friends. Every day I'm sober it not only makes me happy, but it also makes me a better son, friend, and uncle. I did treatment and therapy and the whole 9 yards, it was very surreal (I never in a million years thought I'd go to rehab) - but it helped me face the reality. I'm an alcoholic, and I'm a grown man. It was time for me to start managing this condition like an adult. Being honest and forthright with those who care about me was hard but it needed to be done.
Hope my views help you - and hope you're drawing some strength from all the support you're getting here!
Hope my views help you - and hope you're drawing some strength from all the support you're getting here!
I wonder why you decided to take the first drink?
I believe I have the control to not choose the first drink. After that, all bets would be off. So try to figure out what happened and what you can do about it not happening again. I'm really glad that you're back and in recovery again.
I believe I have the control to not choose the first drink. After that, all bets would be off. So try to figure out what happened and what you can do about it not happening again. I'm really glad that you're back and in recovery again.
Don't get me wrong, I battled for years trying to reign in the beast and that whole time I kept thinking about the good times I had with booze. But then I started to write a private blog/diary. I started after my first real attempt to quit to document my journey into sobriety but I fell off the wagon 4 months later but kept on writing. That whole time I kept writing and rereading what I wrote. A year to the day I started my blog I hit my rock bottom and I've been sober ever since. But during my time off the wagon I would read what I wrote when I was sober compared to what I wrote when back on the bottle and it was obvious that my life was so much more positive sober. There really wasn't any reason for me to drink, I came to the conclusion that the only thing I liked about drinking anymore was the initial buzz, the first few hours. After that it was trying to maintain it then trying to get over it then trying to control it and ended back in the same spot everytime.
And really with your post here you have documentation of what three glasses of wine does. So whenever you feel the need go to your profile here, click on stats then click on posts by this user and read what you wrote. Read it even if you have no cravings. Just remember the day when three glasses of wine made you feel like crap because that is your reality from here on out.
Arctic...I feel just like you and had 4 months and did the same thing and felt "off" just as you described so perfectly how I felt too. Being sober IS so much better feeling than being off & out of control or being hungover.
We had 4 months before and can do it again. I'm definitely putting more support in my corner as I can't do this alone.
Glad you are here
We had 4 months before and can do it again. I'm definitely putting more support in my corner as I can't do this alone.
Glad you are here
"But what happens if after another couple months I give in to the sneaky devil again?"
for me, IF i were to pick up a drink, it would be like i never stopped. i believe that because i have heard from many people with many years of recovery that picked up a drink and they said it was like they never stopped.
it may be time to look into a recovery program and put in the footwork of it.
greatest gift i have been given is today. its the only day i dont have to( or want to) drink. its the only day i have to be concerned with.
for me, IF i were to pick up a drink, it would be like i never stopped. i believe that because i have heard from many people with many years of recovery that picked up a drink and they said it was like they never stopped.
it may be time to look into a recovery program and put in the footwork of it.
greatest gift i have been given is today. its the only day i dont have to( or want to) drink. its the only day i have to be concerned with.
I dont know but I noticed that also. I am at 99 days and was thinking...."am I going to relapse at 4 months?"
Sorry about that ArticSa-
I have followed your story quite faithfully and am really glad you posted this. I toy with that "one glass" idea all too often. You remind me of why "one glass" is always going to be one too many.
At least you caught yourself early... I quit the same day you did (initially... hence why I follow your story so closely). I relapsed 36 days later and had 5 glasses of wine. Felt horrid the next day. I was so sad that I had ruined all my sober time etc. Plus I was downright miserable hungover. So I understand. Best of luck. I have a feeling you will be fine Jess
Sorry about that ArticSa-
I have followed your story quite faithfully and am really glad you posted this. I toy with that "one glass" idea all too often. You remind me of why "one glass" is always going to be one too many.
At least you caught yourself early... I quit the same day you did (initially... hence why I follow your story so closely). I relapsed 36 days later and had 5 glasses of wine. Felt horrid the next day. I was so sad that I had ruined all my sober time etc. Plus I was downright miserable hungover. So I understand. Best of luck. I have a feeling you will be fine Jess
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Join Date: Jan 2013
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first welcome back ArticSA....if you are alcoholic you will need to accept that...
Relapse has nothing to do with being stupid or that you are a terrible person.
Like many people wrote, with 4 1/2 months of sobriety you were doing something right....
Emotional relapse and the obsession happen some time days/weeks before the physical relapse...
Write down and figure it out what was going on...dropping meetings, not working the steps, not working with other alcoholics, feeling sorry, etc.
Time to get over it and put this baby back in to remission!
Keep this thread bookmarked and refer back to it through out the days and next months.
Above all...don't drink no matter what...commit yourself....tell those other people...there is no shame...only a beautiful life to be realized.
Peace!
Relapse has nothing to do with being stupid or that you are a terrible person.
Like many people wrote, with 4 1/2 months of sobriety you were doing something right....
Emotional relapse and the obsession happen some time days/weeks before the physical relapse...
Write down and figure it out what was going on...dropping meetings, not working the steps, not working with other alcoholics, feeling sorry, etc.
Time to get over it and put this baby back in to remission!
Keep this thread bookmarked and refer back to it through out the days and next months.
Above all...don't drink no matter what...commit yourself....tell those other people...there is no shame...only a beautiful life to be realized.
Peace!
Write down how you felt while it's still fresh in your mind. Remember that feeling. Do what you can to remind yourself that this is the way it will ALWAYS end up, at the very least that is. Think about it. If three glasses does that to you then think if you really went off the wagon. The pain that will be waiting for you at the end will be epic. That foresight helps me all the time. Just thinking of that ill, gutrot feeling, the slug I become when hungover keeps me from slipping. Then I think of how I feel when I wake up now. I think about how well I sleep and how I don't have to tackle the day with hangover.
Don't get me wrong, I battled for years trying to reign in the beast and that whole time I kept thinking about the good times I had with booze. But then I started to write a private blog/diary. I started after my first real attempt to quit to document my journey into sobriety but I fell off the wagon 4 months later but kept on writing. That whole time I kept writing and rereading what I wrote. A year to the day I started my blog I hit my rock bottom and I've been sober ever since. But during my time off the wagon I would read what I wrote when I was sober compared to what I wrote when back on the bottle and it was obvious that my life was so much more positive sober. There really wasn't any reason for me to drink, I came to the conclusion that the only thing I liked about drinking anymore was the initial buzz, the first few hours. After that it was trying to maintain it then trying to get over it then trying to control it and ended back in the same spot everytime.
And really with your post here you have documentation of what three glasses of wine does. So whenever you feel the need go to your profile here, click on stats then click on posts by this user and read what you wrote. Read it even if you have no cravings. Just remember the day when three glasses of wine made you feel like crap because that is your reality from here on out.
Don't get me wrong, I battled for years trying to reign in the beast and that whole time I kept thinking about the good times I had with booze. But then I started to write a private blog/diary. I started after my first real attempt to quit to document my journey into sobriety but I fell off the wagon 4 months later but kept on writing. That whole time I kept writing and rereading what I wrote. A year to the day I started my blog I hit my rock bottom and I've been sober ever since. But during my time off the wagon I would read what I wrote when I was sober compared to what I wrote when back on the bottle and it was obvious that my life was so much more positive sober. There really wasn't any reason for me to drink, I came to the conclusion that the only thing I liked about drinking anymore was the initial buzz, the first few hours. After that it was trying to maintain it then trying to get over it then trying to control it and ended back in the same spot everytime.
And really with your post here you have documentation of what three glasses of wine does. So whenever you feel the need go to your profile here, click on stats then click on posts by this user and read what you wrote. Read it even if you have no cravings. Just remember the day when three glasses of wine made you feel like crap because that is your reality from here on out.
Arctic...I feel just like you and had 4 months and did the same thing and felt "off" just as you described so perfectly how I felt too. Being sober IS so much better feeling than being off & out of control or being hungover.
We had 4 months before and can do it again. I'm definitely putting more support in my corner as I can't do this alone.
Glad you are here
We had 4 months before and can do it again. I'm definitely putting more support in my corner as I can't do this alone.
Glad you are here
None but all you kind internet strangers.
So what if you need to tell a few people in order to help get this monkey off your back? Why suffer alone in your struggle? The world won't stop turning if you are honest with others....in fact it's going on without you, right now.
I'm still wet from the swim I took in the Pacific Ocean 10 minutes ago. I'm in a small village in Central America you've never heard of. I'd never, ever, ever have been here if I was still drinking. Join the rest of us and start living the life you truly want for yourself. It's totally worth it!
/sorry if this hijaked your thread in any way, it's just that so many people chose alcohol over LIFE, and sometimes it helps to give an example that sober life is truly awesome.
First - thanks for posting. Your journey has been an amazing one.
Those sober months didn't count for nothing. I bet you learned a lot. I hope you can use what you learned during that time to journey further into sobriety.
Those sober months didn't count for nothing. I bet you learned a lot. I hope you can use what you learned during that time to journey further into sobriety.
We only have one life - we live an average of 78.5 years, 33% of which we spend sleeping. Subtract 10 years on the front-and-back ends of life, which we often spend as dependents, and that gives you just over 32 years of conscious, independent living. How do you want to spend that time? You've probably already used up enough of those years drinking - why not spend the time you have left SOBER? I'd say it might be time to start nourishing your soul with sobriety, fresh air, travel, and new experiences!
So what if you need to tell a few people in order to help get this monkey off your back? Why suffer alone in your struggle? The world won't stop turning if you are honest with others....in fact it's going on without you, right now.
I'm still wet from the swim I took in the Pacific Ocean 10 minutes ago. I'm in a small village in Central America you've never heard of. I'd never, ever, ever have been here if I was still drinking. Join the rest of us and start living the life you truly want for yourself. It's totally worth it!
/sorry if this hijaked your thread in any way, it's just that so many people chose alcohol over LIFE, and sometimes it helps to give an example that sober life is truly awesome.
So what if you need to tell a few people in order to help get this monkey off your back? Why suffer alone in your struggle? The world won't stop turning if you are honest with others....in fact it's going on without you, right now.
I'm still wet from the swim I took in the Pacific Ocean 10 minutes ago. I'm in a small village in Central America you've never heard of. I'd never, ever, ever have been here if I was still drinking. Join the rest of us and start living the life you truly want for yourself. It's totally worth it!
/sorry if this hijaked your thread in any way, it's just that so many people chose alcohol over LIFE, and sometimes it helps to give an example that sober life is truly awesome.
I used to think and worry, what if Jesus comes back for his second coming to take up the believers and I am trashed out of my mind? "Oh hi Jesus, sorry can you come back tomorrow I am way too drunk to go to heaven right now" A silly thought, but it concerned me.
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