Gastric Bypass and alcholism
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 7
Gastric Bypass and alcholism
I'm on here not because I have a problem w/ drinking, but my BF does. He had the gastric bypass surgery done 15 months ago and I don't know how to handle the way the alcohol affects him. He drank heavy before the surgery then stopped for a year because he got a blood clot so he couldn't drink.
Over the last 6 months or so he has gotten BAD. He doesn't drink any more than he usually did, but it affects him so much faster and seriously in a matter of seconds he goes from talking fine to slurring.
Does anyone else have the problems he does or is anyone else in the same boat as i am?
Any help is greatly appreciated. I love him to death, but last few months he's gotten just down right MEAN. His mood changes from one sentence to the next. I don't want to leave him but I don't want it to get worse and I will not tolerate it getting worse.
He knows he's had a problem but was laid off in January after 18 yrs of service to the company so now he has no insurance to pay for treatment.
THANK YOU ANYONE!!!
Over the last 6 months or so he has gotten BAD. He doesn't drink any more than he usually did, but it affects him so much faster and seriously in a matter of seconds he goes from talking fine to slurring.
Does anyone else have the problems he does or is anyone else in the same boat as i am?
Any help is greatly appreciated. I love him to death, but last few months he's gotten just down right MEAN. His mood changes from one sentence to the next. I don't want to leave him but I don't want it to get worse and I will not tolerate it getting worse.
He knows he's had a problem but was laid off in January after 18 yrs of service to the company so now he has no insurance to pay for treatment.
THANK YOU ANYONE!!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Hi again, Fordgal--hope you're getting some benefit from reading the threads in this area. Don't miss the stickies at the top of the page, either, as there is some useful material there also.
Wishing you some peace and clarity as you move forward.
Wishing you some peace and clarity as you move forward.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
This is actually a pretty serious violation of the bypass operation. I know several folks who have had it done, and they can't and won't drink AT ALL. He's gambling with his health here, that's for sure.
AA is free - or a buck in the basket for each meeting. There are many inexpensive programs out there (depending on what country you are in). All he needs to do is find one, go, and take it seriously. Therein lies the biggest challenge.
That said, you can't force someone to stop doing bad behaviors. You can only take care of yourself and do what you need to do to not be a direct target.
Keep reading, and keep coming back!
~T
AA is free - or a buck in the basket for each meeting. There are many inexpensive programs out there (depending on what country you are in). All he needs to do is find one, go, and take it seriously. Therein lies the biggest challenge.
That said, you can't force someone to stop doing bad behaviors. You can only take care of yourself and do what you need to do to not be a direct target.
Keep reading, and keep coming back!
~T
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
About 5 or 6 years ago, a friend of mine had gastric bypass, she also was told NOT to drink alcohol. The body processes alcohol differently after the surgery, and as tuffgirl said, it can be dangerous.
All I know for sure, she would have a glass of wine, and would be blackout, out of control, hallucinating drunk. We actually had to call 911 because we thought she was having a stroke. ( please know, i did not know she was NOT supposed to drink prior to this incident)
She did continue to drink, and I avoided her like the plague, truly some scary consequences and I did not need to witness this.
You stated that you do not want to leave, well then, this is what your life has currently come to, and if he does not choose to address his health issues, I see alot of the SAME behavior in your future.
All I know for sure, she would have a glass of wine, and would be blackout, out of control, hallucinating drunk. We actually had to call 911 because we thought she was having a stroke. ( please know, i did not know she was NOT supposed to drink prior to this incident)
She did continue to drink, and I avoided her like the plague, truly some scary consequences and I did not need to witness this.
You stated that you do not want to leave, well then, this is what your life has currently come to, and if he does not choose to address his health issues, I see alot of the SAME behavior in your future.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 340
I don't know if it will get better or worse, that's all on him. This is an important thing to grasp for me, it's up to them, you can't make him not drink.
If he is made aware of what's going on, what support is available as previous users have stated and how to get started...that's about as much as you can do. You can't hold his hand through this process, if any, of recovery.
This is a question I ask myself. "Am I prepared to deal with this behavior, the worrying, the stress etc, for the next couple of years, rest of my life? Knowing it's not getting better?" For me the answer is no, especially when dealing with that stress is unhealthy, and if I am fully detached then it's not really a relationship I want to be in.
If you don't have kids together and aren't living together, consider yourself lucky as an exit is easier. Time is precious on this earth and life is short.
Oh and for the record I am not telling you to leave him now, that's your decision. I find these forums and support groups help me gain strength and courage to make better decisions for me.
If he is made aware of what's going on, what support is available as previous users have stated and how to get started...that's about as much as you can do. You can't hold his hand through this process, if any, of recovery.
This is a question I ask myself. "Am I prepared to deal with this behavior, the worrying, the stress etc, for the next couple of years, rest of my life? Knowing it's not getting better?" For me the answer is no, especially when dealing with that stress is unhealthy, and if I am fully detached then it's not really a relationship I want to be in.
If you don't have kids together and aren't living together, consider yourself lucky as an exit is easier. Time is precious on this earth and life is short.
Oh and for the record I am not telling you to leave him now, that's your decision. I find these forums and support groups help me gain strength and courage to make better decisions for me.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: NE Wisconsin USA
Posts: 6,223
fordgal1965 you wrote ...I don't want to leave him but I don't want it to get worse and I will not tolerate it getting worse.
You have no choice or decision that his condition gets worse or not. Not only are the alcoholics powerless over their illnesses so are the families and friends.
From what I have read the way he his drinking he may be the one leaving soon. Of course he needs to stop drinking and I hope he finds recovery.
More importantly to me is you. If not already please check in to Alanon or some type of recovery program for yourself.
We become sick ourselves living with alcoholics.
Best to you always. Peace.
You have no choice or decision that his condition gets worse or not. Not only are the alcoholics powerless over their illnesses so are the families and friends.
From what I have read the way he his drinking he may be the one leaving soon. Of course he needs to stop drinking and I hope he finds recovery.
More importantly to me is you. If not already please check in to Alanon or some type of recovery program for yourself.
We become sick ourselves living with alcoholics.
Best to you always. Peace.
I AM CANADIAN
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Niagara Region, Canada
Posts: 2,578
u cant change someone that does not want to change...
but you can change you....12 step program works wonders (al anon for example)
the 3 C's
you cant change it
you cant control it
and, there is no cure
but you can change you....12 step program works wonders (al anon for example)
the 3 C's
you cant change it
you cant control it
and, there is no cure
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Right here, right now!
Posts: 3,424
There is a statistic out there that about 20% of people with gastric bypass surgery go on to develop drinking concerns. They don't know all the reasons, but it is seen time and time again in the literature.
The reason for it though is not your concern, welcome to this side of the forum that helps all of us that have a loved one with the concern of alcohol. I am sorry you are here, but happy you found us (if not for the reason you found us).
The reason for it though is not your concern, welcome to this side of the forum that helps all of us that have a loved one with the concern of alcohol. I am sorry you are here, but happy you found us (if not for the reason you found us).
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 66
Transfer addictions are very, very common after weight loss surgeries such as gastric bypass, vertical sleeve gastrectomy, duodenal switch, etc. When you can't eat the way you want to anymore to stuff your feelings, you'll often find a more efficient and less "filling" alternative such as alcohol...or drugs...or both. I had the VSG almost three years ago and very soon after developed a drug habit which replaced my food habit since I literally cannot eat more than 4-6 ounces of food at a time. I have a little over three months clean and sober at this point, but I still have the emotions that I cannot eat or stuff down with food that I have to deal with.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: NE Wisconsin USA
Posts: 6,223
Originally Posted by lovejava 
eplaced my food habit since I literally cannot eat more than 4-6 ounces of food at a time. I have a little over three months clean and sober at this point, but I still have the emotions that I cannot eat or stuff down with food that I have to deal with.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 7
I agree w/ you all! If I don't want to leave my choice is deal w/ it. We do not have kids together (he's divorced w/ 2 kids, one's a sr in high school the other 20 and I'm divorced w/ 2 grown kids). He's not broke by any means so I'm not footing the bill(s) he's actually very smart when it comes to finances (his family is not hurting, but would never ask them for money) and the house we live in is in his name. I have a decent job w/ good pay so yes, i could move out on my own. Hmm what else was there, lol. I've really considered Al Anon but have bad meeting times for my shift (2nd and 10 hr days) I do have a few books from them, which haven't read yet. I really appeciate all the replies. I lived thru this w/ my ex and now again. ALONEINOZ I will check out your posts, thank you. We had the conversation the other day about his drinking and he keeps saying he knows, and knows he has to stop. So, my next suggestion is AA or HiWAAA for me I guess. I have a grandbaby on the way and don't want them around that behavior. Thanks again and hope you all have a Blessed Day/Night.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Sorry to be late to this, but I know at least two people whose alcohol problems escalated drastically following this type of surgery. I don't know how much of it is physical and how much of it is mental, but it is plenty REAL.
Glad you are planning to take good care of yourself.
Glad you are planning to take good care of yourself.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 66
One thing I thought of this am when thinking on this topic is that the fact that drinking and drugging isn't "healthy" due to the post surgical or any other condition will not hold water with a real alcoholic/addict. He knows that. If he could stop, he would.
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