av1234

Hello...Thank you to those who replied to my last post...My now ex-bf has recently gotten out of treatment, about a month and a half ago. He's been doing great, but just recently broke up with me. I occassionally go out with friends for drinks and he can't handle that. I've changed a lot of things in my life to make this transition easier for him. Unfortunately he says he gets so mad/jealous at me since he cannot do those things anymore, and that it's not good for him. He broke up with me with no emotion. Still wants to be friends, and I am devestated. He said he's sorry, but he just can't deal with how he reacts the few times I have gone out. Our relationship otherwise was getting a lot better since his treatment. I was just hoping that there would be people in a similar situation or even recovered addicts who could give me some insight. Some people keep telling me that once he learns more about himself with time, he may realize what I've done for him and how good we had it (I stood by him during treatment. He had stolen money from me before and I still stood by his side. I've changed my life, drink less and never around him and also started going to alanon meetings) It just hurts so bad that he doesn't want this anymore. Just hoping in the future he may still want to be with me. We loved eachother so much, and I understand why he can't be with me. Guess I'm just getting my hopes up that someday he'll want to be with me again.

ScottFromWI

Honestly AV, i'd say you need to move on. Just as you cannot control his addiction, you can't control how he feels about your relationship, which he chose to end. It is certainly a hard thing do to, but your life is more important than worrying about things you cannot change.

honeypig

Welcome, AV, and glad you found SR. Sorry you're feeling the way you are--I think if you check out this section of the forum, Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information you'll find a number of threads started by people who are or recently were in your shoes.

There are also a number of threads stickied at the top of the page there (as there are here too) with links to particularly useful threads here and other reading suggestions. Some of those materials might also help you move forward in your recovery.

I'm happy to hear you're going to Alanon and hope that you stick with it; it can really help you get the focus back where it belongs--on you, your life and what you want.

Again, welcome, and I wish you peace, strength and clarity.

DG0409

I would not be friends with him. It is too difficult to be 'just friends' with somebody when you are wishing for more. And you're agreeing to be his friend lets him have his cake and eat it too, so to speak. The only way he will possibly miss you and what you had is if you go NO CONTACT. PERIOD. Otherwise, if you're still there, what is there to miss??

I think he has something else going on. It strikes me as rather childish for him to be upset at you for going out with friends when he is the one with the drinking problem. It says a lot that he just broke up with you rather than talking to you about it. That shows that he isn't really committed at all and will leave over the slightest issues. Not an uncommon trait with addicts.

I think with time, when you start to learn more about YOURSELF... you will start to see how good YOU DIDN'T have it. This is a guy that stole from you. This is a guy that refuses to see all of the things that you have changed and done to help with his recovery. He insists on focusing on anything that can make him say 'Poor Me'. He's upset that you go out for an occasional drink, but doesn't care about all of the things you've done to be supportive.

Don't want to sound harsh, but I think he's done you a favor by leaving now.

I think if he really loved you, he would work through his feelings of jealousy about you going to the bar. To be honest, you're not the only person he's going to encounter that can have a few drinks when he can't and he needs to learn to deal with that.

FamilyMan2153

Your in AlAnon so you know you need to take care of yourself and you know about co-dependence. Like Scott said, work on what you can control and right now that is not your bf. Be the best av1234 and let life happen.

least

I too would suggest support for yourself at this time and letting your xbf go for now. Let him sort out his feelings on his own. And you work on taking care of yourself.