Trying to get courage for first AA meeting
sunshinescooby
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 212
Trying to get courage for first AA meeting
I'm trying to get my courage up to go to my first AA meeting.. Once I actually did go to a meeting, but it wasn't there! (maybe discontinued)? That was a year ago, and since then I haven't tried... Although I did drive by one once. There were so many cars outside.. I just couldn't bear the thought of walking in there.
However, since being on SR with all the support, I think going to AA would give me even more support which I could use.
Sometimes I tell myself 'I'm not that much of an alcoholic', (what a LIE).. I am.. a very highly functioning one, and only a few people might even consider that I have a drinking problem as I do all my drinking at home.. So, showing up at a meeting? What will people think? (OK, I know.. WHO CARES? ) I'm more important than that..
Still.. just wondering if anyone else has or is struggling with this..
Thanks for reading!
Scoob.
However, since being on SR with all the support, I think going to AA would give me even more support which I could use.
Sometimes I tell myself 'I'm not that much of an alcoholic', (what a LIE).. I am.. a very highly functioning one, and only a few people might even consider that I have a drinking problem as I do all my drinking at home.. So, showing up at a meeting? What will people think? (OK, I know.. WHO CARES? ) I'm more important than that..
Still.. just wondering if anyone else has or is struggling with this..
Thanks for reading!
Scoob.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 92
The people at the meeting are there because of their own alcoholism...I can guarantee they aren't going to think anything about your drinking.
The newcomer is the most important person at any meeting, they will be very welcoming and non-judgmental.
It's difficult to walk into your first meeting. Just take a deep breath and do it.
AA saved my life.
Good luck to you!
The newcomer is the most important person at any meeting, they will be very welcoming and non-judgmental.
It's difficult to walk into your first meeting. Just take a deep breath and do it.
AA saved my life.
Good luck to you!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,062
I remember going to my first 12-step meeting and being really nervous too...maybe someone could come with you? The nice part is that everyone in the meeting will have gone through the very same thing. How many places do you walk in to and everyone is glad to see a new person?! I used to care what people would think of me when I was recognized at a meeting for instance, but trust me, they are thinking more about themselves then you. Alcoholics are pretty self-centered. Go to a meeting; you will be glad you did.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,997
Hi Scoob,
Just do it. Everything was scary to me at first. Heck, walking to the mailbox to get my bills used to take 3 hours to get my courage up. Worst thing that could probably happen is you sweat a little and feel like everyone is staring at you. Best case scenario...you sweat a little and either no one notices or maybe some folks actually help you feel welcome.
No matter what you will find out that you can still do things that scare you. That's worth trying all on its own.
I don't use AA as my program but I still will pop in a meeting once in awhile just to listen. So far no one tried to convert me or made me feel unwelcome. If I was asked if I wanted to talk I just said I was there to listen.
Good for you for keeping an open mind to find out what works for you!
Just do it. Everything was scary to me at first. Heck, walking to the mailbox to get my bills used to take 3 hours to get my courage up. Worst thing that could probably happen is you sweat a little and feel like everyone is staring at you. Best case scenario...you sweat a little and either no one notices or maybe some folks actually help you feel welcome.
No matter what you will find out that you can still do things that scare you. That's worth trying all on its own.
I don't use AA as my program but I still will pop in a meeting once in awhile just to listen. So far no one tried to convert me or made me feel unwelcome. If I was asked if I wanted to talk I just said I was there to listen.
Good for you for keeping an open mind to find out what works for you!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Maybe this will be helpful: Many times, if you call your local AA central office (you can google this) and explain that you want to attend your first meeting but are uneasy about it, they will send someone to pick you up and accompany you there, so you're not walking in alone. AA members volunteer for this service, as helping other alcoholics who still drink helps them in their own recovery.
I am Alanon, not AA, but once I walked into that first meeting, I got many offers from people to sit w/me at my next meeting so I wouldn't feel alone. Once you go to that first meeting, you'll never be alone again!
I am Alanon, not AA, but once I walked into that first meeting, I got many offers from people to sit w/me at my next meeting so I wouldn't feel alone. Once you go to that first meeting, you'll never be alone again!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 31
I went to AA for a few months during the starting of my sobriety. I couldn't really find a higher power though.
Don't worry, you're all there, and you're not alone. Don't be nervous. If you don't want to share that's fine. You can sit there and say nothing if you want. As long as you're there and it helps you. You're all there for the same reason.
They don't judge you at all at AA.
Don't worry, you're all there, and you're not alone. Don't be nervous. If you don't want to share that's fine. You can sit there and say nothing if you want. As long as you're there and it helps you. You're all there for the same reason.
They don't judge you at all at AA.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic USA
Posts: 2,441
It's not a big deal Sunshine. AA groups are used to newcomers. I was also hesitant, but it wasn't a big deal. So there's nothing to fear. BTW if you can, try different groups, you will find that the group dynamic is different for each one, so if one group doesn't quite fit, try another.
Bottom line, you owe it to yourself to give it a try.
Bottom line, you owe it to yourself to give it a try.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by zalfa 
They don't judge you at all at AA.
I agree that it's a pretty easy place to be
in most towns depending on the time and day of the week
one can find a meeting either small or large
also most towns of any size have what's called AA Central
this is a place we can call or visit so as to get AA information
regarding meeting locations, times, books, pamphlets etc.
in most towns depending on the time and day of the week
one can find a meeting either small or large
also most towns of any size have what's called AA Central
this is a place we can call or visit so as to get AA information
regarding meeting locations, times, books, pamphlets etc.
sunshinescooby
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 212
I haven't been able to get this out of my mind all day.. Do I just walk in and sit down? Will there only be seats down in the front? I feel like a kid on my first day of school.. I know it is ALL in my HEAD!
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Originally Posted by sunshinescooby
Do I just walk in and sit down?
I even volunteered to read the Preamble, and surprised myself in doing so! I will say this: People certainly did notice me and look at me. But I had my husband waiting in the car outside, and this helped me feel better. My anxiety level was pretty high when I walked in, but as I sat there and focused on relaxing and taking in everything, it began to lessen... and it was quite an experience really. Lots of interesting characters
A girl walked up to me after and gave me her number. People seemed friendly. I even walked up to a guy at the end and asked to buy the BB, 12&12 and As Bill Sees It.
I left feeling really good I went in and got a number and the literature... but I also felt like... wow, these are some crazy loons in AA!! Haha! Now I know that we are all a bit nutty in ways
You can do it
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 337
I had rang my towns central number ahead of time so a lady was waiting to meet me. Not pushy, just wanted to make sure I wasn't too nervous. She got me a coffee and I was welcomed by the guy leading the group when it started and he explained I could talk or listen or both - it was up to me. At the end he explained as I was their guest another 2 ladies would give me their numbers and I could call - or not - if I wanted too. No one was pushy and when I went back the next week they were again very welcoming without being pushy.
It's definitely helping to keep me focused. And that's worth some nerves :-)
It's definitely helping to keep me focused. And that's worth some nerves :-)
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: northern virginia
Posts: 535
hey sunshine...
as far as where you sit... anywhere you'd like. i've been to many kinds of meetings... around tables, in rows all facing front, lounging on couches, chair circles. any seat you want to sit in that isn't already taken by someone is a perfect seat!
as far as where you sit... anywhere you'd like. i've been to many kinds of meetings... around tables, in rows all facing front, lounging on couches, chair circles. any seat you want to sit in that isn't already taken by someone is a perfect seat!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Fleetwood, Lancs
Posts: 56
HI Scooby, I've been going to AA for just three weeks. My first meeting was great! The first person I saw shook my hand, introduced himself, welcomed me and invited me to get myself a cup of tea. The second person I saw shook my hand, introduced herself and said it was great to meet me. So did the third. So did the fourth etc etc. Not pushy or in your face, just welcoming...a genuine welcome.
Feeling a bit more relaxed by now, I choose a free seat, and LISTENED. Thats it. For the first hour I listened closely to what people were saying. They were simply sharing their stories of what their lives were like when they drank, and what their lives are like now that they don't. It really was as simple as that. It wasn't preachy in the slightest, and it wasn't all doom and gloom either, there was laughter and a feeling of comradeship between the people there.
I did end up sharing a little myself at that first meeting, but its by no means essential that you do so. I would also stress this: You may hear people talking about 12 steps, sponsors, spiritual journeys, God etc etc. DON'T WORRY ABOUT ANY OF THAT AT THIS STAGE. I don't. All I do is attend three meetings per week, sit my ass down and listen, and sometimes speak a little as well. When I listen, I listen for the similarities between people's stories and my own experience. It seems to me that everyone's story is different, but everyone's story is the same. When I get the urge to drink, I take a moment to think of those stories (it somehow seems easier to think about other people's problems than it is to think about my own...maybe self-defence or good old fashioned denial, I don't know). When I remember those stories, I'm reminded of the similarity with my own past experience of drinking, and that helps me to put the urge down.
I don't know where AA will take me...doing the steps, getting a sponsor, who knows? Right now, I just find it hugely helpful to listen to people, relate to them, and try and take those lessons away with me......just like SR really, but up close and personal!
Anyway, I hope that this helps to assuage any fears or doubts you may have. I'd just say go to a bunch of meetings over a couple of weeks, (give it a chance), and if its not for you, what have you lost? If it IS for you, what might you gain?
Peace and best wishes.
Feeling a bit more relaxed by now, I choose a free seat, and LISTENED. Thats it. For the first hour I listened closely to what people were saying. They were simply sharing their stories of what their lives were like when they drank, and what their lives are like now that they don't. It really was as simple as that. It wasn't preachy in the slightest, and it wasn't all doom and gloom either, there was laughter and a feeling of comradeship between the people there.
I did end up sharing a little myself at that first meeting, but its by no means essential that you do so. I would also stress this: You may hear people talking about 12 steps, sponsors, spiritual journeys, God etc etc. DON'T WORRY ABOUT ANY OF THAT AT THIS STAGE. I don't. All I do is attend three meetings per week, sit my ass down and listen, and sometimes speak a little as well. When I listen, I listen for the similarities between people's stories and my own experience. It seems to me that everyone's story is different, but everyone's story is the same. When I get the urge to drink, I take a moment to think of those stories (it somehow seems easier to think about other people's problems than it is to think about my own...maybe self-defence or good old fashioned denial, I don't know). When I remember those stories, I'm reminded of the similarity with my own past experience of drinking, and that helps me to put the urge down.
I don't know where AA will take me...doing the steps, getting a sponsor, who knows? Right now, I just find it hugely helpful to listen to people, relate to them, and try and take those lessons away with me......just like SR really, but up close and personal!
Anyway, I hope that this helps to assuage any fears or doubts you may have. I'd just say go to a bunch of meetings over a couple of weeks, (give it a chance), and if its not for you, what have you lost? If it IS for you, what might you gain?
Peace and best wishes.
Sober Today
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 779
Can I add another question since everyone is being so helpful?
Are there meetings that are better than others for beginners? I know there are BB, O, CD, S, OD, T, B, etc....
I now the B (beginners) group would be good, but are there others you would recommend if one can't make it to a beginners meeting?
(I'm courageous when I'm drunk but not so much when sober :~p )
Are there meetings that are better than others for beginners? I know there are BB, O, CD, S, OD, T, B, etc....
I now the B (beginners) group would be good, but are there others you would recommend if one can't make it to a beginners meeting?
(I'm courageous when I'm drunk but not so much when sober :~p )
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
AA members are the nicest most non judgemental people you will ever meet. They're all fighting exactly the same thing as you are. Nobody gets to AA on a winning streak. For most there is an overwhelming sense that you belong for the first time in your entire life. You will be surrounded with people that know what it is like to be you and the only thing they want is for you to get better
Just find an open chair and plunk your b*** down in it. at the beginning of the meeting they will ask if anyone has never been to an AA meeting. all you have to do is speak one word and that one word is me
Just find an open chair and plunk your b*** down in it. at the beginning of the meeting they will ask if anyone has never been to an AA meeting. all you have to do is speak one word and that one word is me
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: northern virginia
Posts: 535
sunshine...
yoga clothes are completely fine! as long as you're dressed, it doesn't matter. all the meetings i've gone to have started right on time. sometimes a person walks in a but late, but if it's a discussion meeting they will usually say sorry if they share that day. they last an hour (i did go to a big celebration one that lasted 90 minutes, but there were so mant people picking up chips from one to 38 years, so that's expected.)
you don't have to say a single word... but if it's a chip-giving meeting, they will say something along the lines of "the most important chip for the most important people in the room. 1-24 hours, 1-29 days sober, a desire to quit drinking and start a new life." if you feel comfortable, i'd say raise your voice on that one and get the chip. you can then pass it around the room if you want, and everyone will give it a little 'mojo'... i did that and carried my first 24 hour chip around in my pocket (or next to my bed) for two weeks. it helped me feel centered and not alone.
you can do this. the fear is the addictive voice trying to keep you down. tell that voice to take a hike... even if AA isn't for you in the end, it'll help to be face-to-face in a room with others who know exactly what you're going through.
yoga clothes are completely fine! as long as you're dressed, it doesn't matter. all the meetings i've gone to have started right on time. sometimes a person walks in a but late, but if it's a discussion meeting they will usually say sorry if they share that day. they last an hour (i did go to a big celebration one that lasted 90 minutes, but there were so mant people picking up chips from one to 38 years, so that's expected.)
you don't have to say a single word... but if it's a chip-giving meeting, they will say something along the lines of "the most important chip for the most important people in the room. 1-24 hours, 1-29 days sober, a desire to quit drinking and start a new life." if you feel comfortable, i'd say raise your voice on that one and get the chip. you can then pass it around the room if you want, and everyone will give it a little 'mojo'... i did that and carried my first 24 hour chip around in my pocket (or next to my bed) for two weeks. it helped me feel centered and not alone.
you can do this. the fear is the addictive voice trying to keep you down. tell that voice to take a hike... even if AA isn't for you in the end, it'll help to be face-to-face in a room with others who know exactly what you're going through.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: northern virginia
Posts: 535
greeneggs...
i get to one of each kind a week. i get something very different from each.
and... an important point... if there is a reading around the table, or around-the-room share, you can absolutely just say "pass" if you don't want to read or speak.
i get to one of each kind a week. i get something very different from each.
and... an important point... if there is a reading around the table, or around-the-room share, you can absolutely just say "pass" if you don't want to read or speak.
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