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is this my bottom

Old 06-18-2013, 12:05 AM
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is this my bottom

I'm up 2:57 am. I used. I'm going to call off work , first time in two years. I might not be going back. I don't get it. I keep beating myself up. Reaching to you guys is becoming a habit but your all i have till i can get to a meeting. Unlike most of you I'm alone no better half to pay my way while i get better. If i don't work i dont eat . I don't want this no more. HELP
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Old 06-18-2013, 12:09 AM
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I hope this is the last time you'll use. Your bottom can be anywhere you stop digging. Put down the drugs and get yourself into recovery, no matter how you do it. Only you can save yourself. You can do this!
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Old 06-18-2013, 12:12 AM
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I've heard it said your bottom is when you stop digging riky.
I hope you're ready to do that, man.

Stop digging.

If not using means you have to walk that extra mile, do it Riky.

We're too old for this crap, yeah?

D
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Old 06-18-2013, 12:19 AM
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Yea Dee , 57 , I've run out of rope. It's now or never. I don't ever want to feel this again.
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Old 06-18-2013, 12:21 AM
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I believe you can do it Riky
start making a plan.


D
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Old 06-18-2013, 12:21 AM
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Beating ourselves up gets us nowhere. It just keeps the cycle going over and over again. This is what our addiction wants us to do.

The ride stops when we say it does. You can do this, you really can, you have the strength to do it. This journey is not easy, I still struggle at time. I've just had to change the way I deal with it. Not easy to do by any means, but you can do it.
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Old 06-18-2013, 12:27 AM
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Right now you have a choice.

You can choose to stay the same at rock bottom and trust me the bottoms can get lower.

Or

you can embrace a new sober life with all ithas to offer one day at a time.

I belive in you I know you can do it just for today choose life.
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Old 06-18-2013, 01:20 AM
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I met a guy who is now 17 years off drugs . I went to three meetings with him . I mean this guy was picking me up and everything . The very next week I stopped going . Like I had it under control , yea right. I talked to him on the phone ,a day ago. He said he felt the same way at first , like I don't need help , it's not like I'm living under a bridge.... I'm different , better than all those others. Well guess what , if I keep this up I'll be the one living under a bridge
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Old 06-18-2013, 01:29 AM
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I was not living under a bridge either. I am also on my own and I don't have a spouse. I have to work a job while I am in the process of recovery.

I have called off work. I called it a mental health day. I needed to take the day to sort out some things. I was on an emotional roller coaster. I talked on chat here, I called my sponsor and I went to three AA meetings that day.

I would call that guy and get back on track. He obviously understands and is willing to help. He is reaching out to help, all you have to do is reach out and accept the help and hold on.
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Old 06-18-2013, 01:58 AM
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stay with it triky, this can be the last time you feel like that.
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Old 06-18-2013, 02:20 AM
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For me, I had to be educated on addiction.
It took me to enter rehab via family intervention
to acknowledge I even had a serious drinking
problem because I was in such denial I ever
had a drinking problem.

I surely didn't want or need any help at that
time in my life, but family saw how bad I was
and it was them who sought guidance from
those familiar with addiction to get me into
a safe, secure, place to allow me time to clear
the fog from my stubborn brain and allow some
much needed knowledge of what addiction was
and does to our bodies, mind and soul.

28 days in rehab with a 6 week outpatient
aftercare is what took me to set me on a
path of recovery and begin building a strong,
solid, stable foundation to live upon each day
I stayed sober.

That was 22 yrs. ago and today I am still on
my recovery journey continueing to work on
maintenance on my foundation to insure it
stays strong to live upon for many more one
days at a time.

Addiction to drugs is no different than alcohol
or any other addiction. Learn all you can about
what you are addicted to and how it has affect
your own body, mind and soul and find a solution
in a recovery program to help you stay clean
or sober.

Look at how many have found that solution
and have lived by it and follow them as they
guide you to living a happier, joyous, addiction
free life.
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Old 06-18-2013, 02:38 AM
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Ugh! This addiction shizz is terrible stuff. Thinking about you today, Buddy. Be well.
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Old 06-18-2013, 02:45 AM
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Riky, you can get sober. There is no reason to leave your job, if I'm understanding you correctly. I think a good sleep will do wonders for your mental state. Maybe its time to set up a solid plan.
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Old 06-18-2013, 03:01 AM
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Yea , I need to follow advice , stubborn self . I am taking the day off not quitting. This job contributes to my overall depression. I need to find another one. That's tough while fighting this addiction
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Old 06-18-2013, 03:16 AM
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Hi Tricky,

My job also contributes to my depression, thats why im not ready to quit yet because I dont want the depression to get worse. I feel that im not in a position to look for another job because I have mental health problems and am also an alcoholic.
Please dont walk out of your job unless you have an alternative.
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Old 06-18-2013, 03:18 AM
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Riky, i'm also self-supporting and currently have huge job stress too.(sober 2 years)..things at work have been turbulent for 18 months...but i have changed MY perspective..it's a job, with benefits, it's not my life.i'm sorry you feel craptastic but in a sense, you can use this too....remember it...just keep crawling forward.
This person who helped you, please call him and get back to some positive support.
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Old 06-18-2013, 03:55 AM
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riky...

take the mental health day off work if you need it... but do something positive for your recovery with the time. call the guy back and hit a meeting.

don't beat yourself down... you can do this, just take whatever lessons you can from the 'slip', and keep walking towards sobriety. don't quit five minutes before the miracle!

sending you thoughts of peace and strength today...
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Old 06-18-2013, 04:12 AM
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Hi Riky -

Sorry to hear about your relapse - as someone who suffers from depression & addiction I can feel your pain. In my experience, one of the things we often engage in is "fortune telling" and it only makes things worse. For example, you say that you're jobless, alone, and will be living under a bridge....none of these things are true! These things have not happened. Let's try and look at the reality:

1. You are not alone, you have your friend with 17 years clean time - AND all the good folks at SR.
2. You are not living under a bridge (unless you have wifi access from a cardboard box I assume you are home right now).
3. You are not jobless, you are taking one day off - first time in 2 years. You still have a steady income.

There is nothing good about the fact you used. But the fact that you recognized the damage, you were honest about it, and you came to SR and posted - well, that's a silver lining to this dark cloud, and it should be commended.

Now is a time for change, maybe you can start looking for that new job. You can start getting involved in the sober lifestyle again. You can beat this thing - and you know it takes hard work. You have a solid foundation to build upon. The good thing about "rock bottom" is you can only go up from here. All the best, hope you can get some rest, have a cup of coffee, and turn things around starting TODAY.
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Old 06-18-2013, 04:18 AM
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my bottom is death by alcohol/drugs. cant get any lower than that.
but greatful for the gift of desperation that got me to step off the elevator on that way down. then I used the steps to get back up.
been workin pretty good, but I had to get some humility and admit and accept my way didn't work.
then I had to be willing to learn a new way.
pride and ego helped keep me drunk/high for a long time. it wasnt gonna help me get sober.
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Old 06-18-2013, 04:21 AM
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We all live under our own bridge. Its a struggle.

I fought for years. Freedom finally came when i stopped fighting and surrendered.
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