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Day One

Old 06-17-2013, 01:22 PM
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Day One

Hello all -

I've been lurking for a little while now. Just like many, I was trying to determine if I REALLY had a problem with alcohol...how ridiculous... it's so true the statement I've seen many times here that if you think you might have a problem, then you probably do.

So here I am, day one. It's not my first day one mind you, but hopefully my last. Had approximately six beers yesterday over a nine hour period, and feeling really really cruddy today. Not full fledged hangover, but definitely not well: chills, rapid heartbeat, heartburn, "intestinal distress", slight headache. Slept horribly last night, kept waking up and of course asking myself throughout the night why did I have those drinks? (sidebar question - does anybody but me experience horrible night sweats but only on their feet? or am I an odd-ball?)

Funny thing with me is I seem to be developing LESS of a tolerance for alcohol as time goes on. I can no longer stomach mixed drinks or hard alcohol, the smell of wine is nauseating, and now even just a few beers leaves me feeling just horrible the next day (I've felt the same way I feel today after just two beers the night before!). Even though I should consider this a good thing I guess that will possibly help me stick to sobriety, I can't help thinking that it's odd. Seems like most people have increased alcohol tolerance as they go along?

In any case, day one here. It seems most "day oners" get asked about their plan to stay sober. My plan at this point is the one day at a time decision not to drink, and checking in on this site to remain accountable. Although I realize AA works for so many people, there are some aspects of AA that I'm not sure I agree with, so for now I don't feel comfortable with AA - but I'm not closing myself off to it as a future option.

I have some challenges ahead. My boyfriend who I love dearly is a binge drinker who has just recently acknowledged that he needs to make changes but has not embraced complete sobriety yet (we don't live together, which is a good thing at this point, but lets throw in some classic co-dependent issues here as well, shall we?) Some upcoming social events where alcohol will be present, including a huge family wedding, a 50th birthday party, a retirement dinner, and friends asking at every turn if we have used their Christmas gift which was a wine tasting tour. I normally have no problem not drinking when I'm at home alone, but social situations are my downfall. I succumb horribly to peer pressure - have long ago determined that I drink in response to poor self esteem and the urge to feel like part of the crowd or to fit in (or forget that I feel like I don't fit in!)

Anywhoo, and since I tend to repeat myself a lot, here I am day one -

Thanks for reading -
NCG

Last edited by NorCaliGal; 06-17-2013 at 01:24 PM. Reason: wanted to add something
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Old 06-17-2013, 01:29 PM
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Welcome and I'm so glad you decided to stop drinking.

I had to avoid places where people were drinking alcohol for quite a few months when I stopped drinking. It was something I had to do and it was very liberating because I learned how to say 'No, thanks' and not feel bad about it.
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Old 06-17-2013, 01:42 PM
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Welcome! As you can already tell there is a lot of information and support here.

I quit drinking "socially" a long time ago but I never fit into the category of a social drinker anyway.

I have never heard of the intolerance to alcohol as you have described but I felt like crap the next day and still drank.
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Old 06-17-2013, 01:46 PM
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So much in common with your post!

I've had lots of Day Ones also. I also sleep horribly when I drink. I'm often up at 3:00 am and can't get to sleep again, sometimes due to headache, heartburn, the shakes, etc. My tolerance is way less than it used to be, and my husband is known to drink too much. I used to not drink at home - that was my rule for myself, but that went out the window the past year or so. And I also am not comfortable with some aspects of AA and very hesitant to go, though I may.

I find this site to be a huge help. Good luck - I'm right there with you!
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Old 06-17-2013, 01:46 PM
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Welcome to SR NorCaliGal. You found a wonderful place to get the support you're looking for.

Congratulations on your big decision to quit. Being here helped me so much when I first started out - knowing I wasn't alone made it somehow easier. We're all behind you as you begin your journey. You can do it!
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Old 06-17-2013, 02:03 PM
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Welcome
I used to drink for many of the same reasons--but eventually the reasons I drank made the drinking intolerable--anxiety became panic attacks--life started to really suck. I promise it is much better on the other side. A little anxiety hoping you fit in is much better than this...I promise.
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Old 06-17-2013, 04:50 PM
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Thank you all for the welcome! It's nice to have support.

Almost finished with the work day. Ugh, what a long unproductive day it has been, and the unproductiveness will only catch up with me tomorrow. Can't wait to get home and go to sleep. Based upon past practice I should physically feel much better tomorrow, except for the heartburn and indigestion which always sticks around for a few extra days. But it's when you physically feel much better that you start to forget that you just shouldn't drink. And as I mentioned, even a small bit seems to get to me these days.

So glad SR is here...
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Old 06-17-2013, 04:52 PM
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Hevyn -

I love the quote you're using! I'm going to write it on a post-it and put it on my bathroom mirror so I see it every morning!

Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it well and serenely, and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. - Emerson
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Old 06-17-2013, 04:55 PM
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GreenEggsAndHam -

Nice to find someone with lots of similarities - and our sobriety dates will be close too, so that's very cool!

NCG
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Old 06-17-2013, 05:01 PM
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Welcome, NorCali! SR is a great resource. some of us can stay sober by hanging out on these forums (there is a class of june in the newcomers area if you want to join), some of us go to meetings of some kind, some of us are in therapy, some of us have done all of the above. it's a great place to get to know some other people with very similar thoughts and patterns to you. we can all learn from each other and support each other on the way!

love your screen name by the way, I grew up in socal but went to college in norcal and fell in love with the place! take care and glad you joined us!
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Old 06-17-2013, 05:39 PM
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I feel like I could've wrote this message myself. I was actually about to post basically the same thing except the fact I have a stag for my sister coming up this weekend , my bestfriends birthday the same night and my birthday along with a camping trip next week. I have also gone to AA before but either end up leaving saying to myself...woowwww im not that bad compared to these people (its my ego talking I know and it isn't nice, and my ego is what gets me into a lot of trouble) Or I end up leaving feeling like they are making me stop and I ve always been a rebel so I decise "they wont tell me what to do!" My plan is to skip all the parties by just telling everybody im sick and cant make it. And I am going back to AA for my first meeting in a year and I am going to ask profusely for someone to help me get the program because I don't as of now. I was just wondering if u have ever had a sponser? I have not and I think this will be key for me anyways. And this site really is comforting and I'm so grateful for finding it. Good Luck to you!!!
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Old 06-17-2013, 08:05 PM
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Funny thing with me is I seem to be developing LESS of a tolerance for alcohol as time goes on. I can no longer stomach mixed drinks or hard alcohol, the smell of wine is nauseating, and now even just a few beers leaves me feeling just horrible the next day (I've felt the same way I feel today after just two beers the night before!). Even though I should consider this a good thing I guess that will possibly help me stick to sobriety, I can't help thinking that it's odd. Seems like most people have increased alcohol tolerance as they go along?
NCG,

In general, tolerance for alcohol tends to be shaped like a bell curve if you put it on a graph. When you first start drinking tolerance is low. The more one drinks the higher their tolerance gets until it peaks. Then tolerance starts dropping as the disease progresses. Search for "alcoholism" "tolerance" (and possibly "stages") and you'll get a lot of info on the progression of alcoholism. Most articles I have read say alcohol tolerance starts to decrease in middle to late stages of alcoholism.

*Not saying this is the case for you or anyone else, just some general info on the subject of tolerance. It has to do with how your body processes alcohol.
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Old 06-17-2013, 08:30 PM
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Welcome to SR! I was a binge drinker in teens and early twenties and definitely heading on the road to alcoholism, fortunately I found pot and got fully addicted to that instead! (Sorry, gallows humor!) But I found after I stopped drinking heavily that I also began to have a lowered tolerance.

For quite a few years after, my drink would literally be about an ounce of beer and that would give me a headache and hangover. I also used to get extreme hangovers when I drank more heavily.

I've joked that I used up all my drinking in my early years but haven't ever really found out why my tolerance dropped so drastically. Maybe I had extreme sensitivity and was an alcoholic or maybe my liver got overloaded, I don't know. But you're definitely not the only one!
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Old 06-18-2013, 10:00 AM
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Hi tired28 -

No, I don't have a sponsor. Never been to AA. Not ruling it out completely as an option if I find out I need the face-to-face support.

NCG
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Old 06-18-2013, 10:07 AM
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Grungehead and tired28 -

That's interesting about the reduced tolerance. I used to be a very heavy, nightly drinker - closing the bar down every night. Looking back, how I made it to work the next day is beyond me! At that time I hardly ever got hangovers even though I was drinking so much. My drinking was cut back drastically when I moved out of the neighborhood where my favorite bar was located (I had been within one block walking distance, now it would have to be a drive.) As I mentioned, I'm much more of a social drinker, so I didn't make up for the missing bar time by drinking the same volume at home.

NCG
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Old 07-05-2013, 03:13 PM
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Yay!!!! someone like me! I thought i was alone

I don't drink much these days, I'm onto 8 can's of beer or 2 bottles of wine, 2-3 nights on for an average week, and I've had enough now.

My tolerance is a lot lower now too! I'm getting so very very sick! I hate it and don't want to drink anymore, but I find it difficult to stop.

I'm doing AA as I really don't want to drink anymore.

Although people there do seem to be really heavy weight drinkers, so I feel a bit like I don't quite fit in, but hey, they are sober, and that's what I want to be, so I thought I'd give it a go

Good luck.
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Old 07-05-2013, 05:25 PM
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NorCali, Grungehead raised the important point to affirm what you're experiencing - reduced tolerance. Some call it 'reverse' tolerance.

I don't know how old you are nor your drinking history. What I can say is my own experience: I'm 57 (and a half); I've had quite a few sober periods and quite a few slips and relapses. I'm in a relapse right now - though waiting to hear from my doctor on Monday to help me with a home detox safely. And, I certainly notice that I feel incredibly ill and drunk quite quickly with smaller quantities of the same alcohol I'd used for years (white wine).

Don't mess about with this, given you've noticed this reverse tolerance. It's not a good sign. I hope you can see your doctor or any kind of medically assisted withdrawal agency to help you stop drinking safely.
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Old 07-05-2013, 06:12 PM
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Originally Posted by NorCaliGal View Post
Hello all -

I've been lurking for a little while now. Just like many, I was trying to determine if I REALLY had a problem with alcohol...how ridiculous... it's so true the statement I've seen many times here that if you think you might have a problem, then you probably do.

So here I am, day one. It's not my first day one mind you, but hopefully my last. Had approximately six beers yesterday over a nine hour period, and feeling really really cruddy today. Not full fledged hangover, but definitely not well: chills, rapid heartbeat, heartburn, "intestinal distress", slight headache. Slept horribly last night, kept waking up and of course asking myself throughout the night why did I have those drinks? (sidebar question - does anybody but me experience horrible night sweats but only on their feet? or am I an odd-ball?)

Funny thing with me is I seem to be developing LESS of a tolerance for alcohol as time goes on. I can no longer stomach mixed drinks or hard alcohol, the smell of wine is nauseating, and now even just a few beers leaves me feeling just horrible the next day (I've felt the same way I feel today after just two beers the night before!). Even though I should consider this a good thing I guess that will possibly help me stick to sobriety, I can't help thinking that it's odd. Seems like most people have increased alcohol tolerance as they go along?

In any case, day one here. It seems most "day oners" get asked about their plan to stay sober. My plan at this point is the one day at a time decision not to drink, and checking in on this site to remain accountable. Although I realize AA works for so many people, there are some aspects of AA that I'm not sure I agree with, so for now I don't feel comfortable with AA - but I'm not closing myself off to it as a future option.

I have some challenges ahead. My boyfriend who I love dearly is a binge drinker who has just recently acknowledged that he needs to make changes but has not embraced complete sobriety yet (we don't live together, which is a good thing at this point, but lets throw in some classic co-dependent issues here as well, shall we?) Some upcoming social events where alcohol will be present, including a huge family wedding, a 50th birthday party, a retirement dinner, and friends asking at every turn if we have used their Christmas gift which was a wine tasting tour. I normally have no problem not drinking when I'm at home alone, but social situations are my downfall. I succumb horribly to peer pressure - have long ago determined that I drink in response to poor self esteem and the urge to feel like part of the crowd or to fit in (or forget that I feel like I don't fit in!)

Anywhoo, and since I tend to repeat myself a lot, here I am day one -

Thanks for reading -
NCG
The biggest advantage you have right now is you seem capable of being very honest with yourself, which I think is an amazing tool to have, especially right at the beginning. It also sounds like you are fed up and ready for a change, so now all you have to do is make it happen. This forum is an amazing tool to find support and ask as many questions as you can think of. Welcome, and you can do this.
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Old 07-05-2013, 06:15 PM
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Originally Posted by bemyself View Post
NorCali, Grungehead raised the important point to affirm what you're experiencing - reduced tolerance. Some call it 'reverse' tolerance.

I don't know how old you are nor your drinking history. What I can say is my own experience: I'm 57 (and a half); I've had quite a few sober periods and quite a few slips and relapses. I'm in a relapse right now - though waiting to hear from my doctor on Monday to help me with a home detox safely. And, I certainly notice that I feel incredibly ill and drunk quite quickly with smaller quantities of the same alcohol I'd used for years (white wine).

Don't mess about with this, given you've noticed this reverse tolerance. It's not a good sign. I hope you can see your doctor or any kind of medically assisted withdrawal agency to help you stop drinking safely.

You are absolutely right!! Reverse tolerance is a sign that the body is just not able to keep up with your consumption rate and is backfiring. This can lead to all sorts of horrible health side effects if you do not change your habits immediately. I never even heard of reverse tolerance, but its indeed a real thing.
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Old 07-05-2013, 08:35 PM
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Originally Posted by NorCaliGal View Post
...I seem to be developing LESS of a tolerance for alcohol as time goes on. I can no longer stomach mixed drinks or hard alcohol, the smell of wine is nauseating, and now even just a few beers leaves me feeling just horrible the next day (I've felt the same way I feel today after just two beers the night before!). Even though I should consider this a good thing I guess that will possibly help me stick to sobriety, I can't help thinking that it's odd. Seems like most people have increased alcohol tolerance as they go along?
I've been drinking 2-4 times a week for the past five years and can only be called a binge drinker. That being said, I've experienced the same feeling. Like only having two glasses of wine is just as bad as seven jack and cokes. And you know what I think? I think it's partially in your head. I used to wake up and immediately try and remember every little step I took the night before. In some way, I was just trying to show myself I was in control. And if I couldn't remember the last stop light by my house after only one glass of wine, I would feel terrible shame.

I've slowed down considerably to a level that people without alcohol problems would call healthy or normal. I still have some work to do (I should definitely not have a dull pain where my liver is) but it's a step by step thing for me.

A couple of times a week (when I haven't drank the night before), I'll wake up and feel hazy. And sick. Like I'm having a hangover. And I'll drag myself to the shower and brush my teeth. And somewhere around 7:45 a.m., it'll dawn on me: I haven't drank in a couple of days and I should not be feeling that bad. And just like that, the mental fog goes away and I'm licensed to be happy. It sounds like downright insanity, but it's something I think we all sort of deal with - getting rid of the shame.

Good luck.
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