Who am I to judge
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 458
Who am I to judge
I feel such a bad person, just want to get it off my chest before I look to numb myself with a bottle of vodka because that's exactly how I feel.
We have a house to rent which used to be our family home for 8yrs, we moved in just when my son was 9 months so it's more than just a house to me and I have a lot of respect for my neighbours.
Any way existing tenant is leaving and a young girl only about 18 yrs old viewed the house yesterday, for her, her partner and two babies 18 months old and 14 weeks. She loved the house and wanted it immediately, while we were talking for 20 mins she was shouting at the little 18 month old to stop what she was doing, she wasn't doing anything apart from hanging onto her mum, she then said I told you and let go of her hands for the child to fall backwards on the floor and bump her head, I could see how upset the little girl was just by looking at her face all sad and confused, but she never let out a single sound, she never said or done anything the whole time she was there. I felt very uncomfortable but carried on talking, I asked for a reference and she said it's no trouble trouble social services can supply them because her kids are on the child protection scheme. I said do you mind me asking and she replied for neglect, because her and her partner were always rowing and the police had to be called by neighbours.
I phoned her later on and told her in a very polite way and said I appreciated her honesty but stressed I don't want no trouble brought to the house. She said they were fine now, there would be no trouble. As agreed I was supposed to collect the deposit tonight.
I could not sleep last night and all day I've been thinking about it and my gut instinct is telling me I don't really want the hassle of troublesome tenants or even the thought of her mistreating the children, so I phoned her and made up a story about the existing tenant not ready to move out until October. She was very nice about and said she completely understood and don't mind waiting until then to move in. ( don't know how I'm going to get out of that one)
I'm annoyed with myself because who am I to decide if she deserves a chance at making it a family home......who me an alcoholic mum!!!
Thanks for reading and sorry if I board you 
We have a house to rent which used to be our family home for 8yrs, we moved in just when my son was 9 months so it's more than just a house to me and I have a lot of respect for my neighbours.
Any way existing tenant is leaving and a young girl only about 18 yrs old viewed the house yesterday, for her, her partner and two babies 18 months old and 14 weeks. She loved the house and wanted it immediately, while we were talking for 20 mins she was shouting at the little 18 month old to stop what she was doing, she wasn't doing anything apart from hanging onto her mum, she then said I told you and let go of her hands for the child to fall backwards on the floor and bump her head, I could see how upset the little girl was just by looking at her face all sad and confused, but she never let out a single sound, she never said or done anything the whole time she was there. I felt very uncomfortable but carried on talking, I asked for a reference and she said it's no trouble trouble social services can supply them because her kids are on the child protection scheme. I said do you mind me asking and she replied for neglect, because her and her partner were always rowing and the police had to be called by neighbours.
I phoned her later on and told her in a very polite way and said I appreciated her honesty but stressed I don't want no trouble brought to the house. She said they were fine now, there would be no trouble. As agreed I was supposed to collect the deposit tonight.
I could not sleep last night and all day I've been thinking about it and my gut instinct is telling me I don't really want the hassle of troublesome tenants or even the thought of her mistreating the children, so I phoned her and made up a story about the existing tenant not ready to move out until October. She was very nice about and said she completely understood and don't mind waiting until then to move in. ( don't know how I'm going to get out of that one)
I'm annoyed with myself because who am I to decide if she deserves a chance at making it a family home......who me an alcoholic mum!!!
Thanks for reading and sorry if I board you 
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
I've pm'd you on this as also in UK and have experience of letting houses out.
You are not a bad person,or judgmental. It is a business and one you must run in your best interests taking into account the financial standing, character, reliability and stability of the tenant.There are many alarm bells which you are already aware of.
Please don't drink the vodka-youwill be able to deal with this situation so muchbetter without it
You are not a bad person,or judgmental. It is a business and one you must run in your best interests taking into account the financial standing, character, reliability and stability of the tenant.There are many alarm bells which you are already aware of.
Please don't drink the vodka-youwill be able to deal with this situation so muchbetter without it
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Hi Dorris,
Thank you for sharing and it is not boring at all, it's a relief to have a place to share what life throws at us.
After reading your post, I do not feel you are being judgmental but rather that you are looking out for your best interest as a landlord (as you should). Having bothersome tenants who are always fighting could put some strains on your neighbors and your relationship with them too. They have a right to a pleasant, craziness free neighborhood.
I have lived next door to absentee landlords who had horrible tenants (loud music, drug dealing etc.) and it was really stressful to the point that I had to move.
If you were thinking:"she s trash and will never amount to anything" now that would be judging but as I read it, you are being a business person. She is young and needs to learn how important it is to make a good first impression on people especially when looking for a home or a job. Hopefully, she will learn.
Thank you for sharing and it is not boring at all, it's a relief to have a place to share what life throws at us.
After reading your post, I do not feel you are being judgmental but rather that you are looking out for your best interest as a landlord (as you should). Having bothersome tenants who are always fighting could put some strains on your neighbors and your relationship with them too. They have a right to a pleasant, craziness free neighborhood.
I have lived next door to absentee landlords who had horrible tenants (loud music, drug dealing etc.) and it was really stressful to the point that I had to move.
If you were thinking:"she s trash and will never amount to anything" now that would be judging but as I read it, you are being a business person. She is young and needs to learn how important it is to make a good first impression on people especially when looking for a home or a job. Hopefully, she will learn.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Now that's a conundrum. Forgive me for airing my beliefs, but I feel everything that shows up in our life is a mirror. There is a reason this woman is put in your path. You have every right to decide what is best for you and your sobriety. You need to listen to yourself. As alcoholics we have a pretty hard time listening to our own inner wisdom as we have been discrediting it and dismissing it most of our lives. Perhaps this woman and her child will give you endless grief and drama..and threaten your sobriety OR perhaps you have something to offer her.
Above all else, you must do what your SELF is beseeching you to do. If you don't, you will be angry at YOU..and that will end in no good and batter your fledgling, growing self esteem.
Above all else, you must do what your SELF is beseeching you to do. If you don't, you will be angry at YOU..and that will end in no good and batter your fledgling, growing self esteem.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,509
Dorris, that is a really difficult position to be in.
I would have done the same thing you did, simply because I would feel that somehow I was condoning the mother's poor treatment of her child. I don't think it's a question of judging, but your gut was telling you this was a bad idea. You should always follow those instincts.
I would have done the same thing you did, simply because I would feel that somehow I was condoning the mother's poor treatment of her child. I don't think it's a question of judging, but your gut was telling you this was a bad idea. You should always follow those instincts.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
I would vote her down
I was a landlord for most of my life
a what he called himself (reformed biker) wanted to rent my rental
after listening to his story of his reformed life
I still decided not to rent to him
my girlfriend at the time broke down in tears after he left
she put the big guilt trip on me for not giving him a chance
I called him back and said ok you can rent it
this guy turned out to be one big nightmare of a renter
reformed what
he was partying next door from day one
right after I finally evicted him
before the 30 days to leave was even up
he got busted after running into 5 or 6 cars while loaded
he went off to prison for a few years
another case (much better)
a very young couple wanted to rent the little house once
I had many other applicants with better references who also wanted it
I chose the young couple
they turned out to be the best renters that I have ever had
but
looking at the facts in your case
I would vote her down
sounds like one that may bring trouble
and may also be very hard to get rid of
as we know some can take several months to be gone after being asked
while they pay -- no rent to you
your question
Who am I to judge
well in this case we had better make a good judgment call
it's not judging
it's called protecting ones interest
a what he called himself (reformed biker) wanted to rent my rental
after listening to his story of his reformed life
I still decided not to rent to him
my girlfriend at the time broke down in tears after he left
she put the big guilt trip on me for not giving him a chance
I called him back and said ok you can rent it
this guy turned out to be one big nightmare of a renter
reformed what
he was partying next door from day one
right after I finally evicted him
before the 30 days to leave was even up
he got busted after running into 5 or 6 cars while loaded
he went off to prison for a few years
another case (much better)
a very young couple wanted to rent the little house once
I had many other applicants with better references who also wanted it
I chose the young couple
they turned out to be the best renters that I have ever had
but
looking at the facts in your case
I would vote her down
sounds like one that may bring trouble
and may also be very hard to get rid of
as we know some can take several months to be gone after being asked
while they pay -- no rent to you
your question
Who am I to judge
well in this case we had better make a good judgment call
it's not judging
it's called protecting ones interest
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 458
Thank you all for your support, in so many ways you all spelt it out so clear, it was tough decision to make do I give her a chance or do I selfishly think of myself also I think it was the fact I was the person letting her down I was annoyed with myself.
I hope in time she find the right home for her and her children and hopefully I will find a good tenant.
Thanks again x
How silly of me to think vodka would have made any of this easier, I am so thankful I have SR.
Thanks again
I hope in time she find the right home for her and her children and hopefully I will find a good tenant.
Thanks again x
How silly of me to think vodka would have made any of this easier, I am so thankful I have SR.
Thanks again
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 8,335
Dorris,
I'm glad you didn't drink any vodka. I'm thinking this couple would make about as good a tenant as they are parents......neglectful
Here in the USA, child neglect is different than a domestic altercation. I pray for the safety and well being of their young children.
I'm glad you didn't drink any vodka. I'm thinking this couple would make about as good a tenant as they are parents......neglectful
Here in the USA, child neglect is different than a domestic altercation. I pray for the safety and well being of their young children.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Hi Dorris. You got some great advice here. I want to commend you for being the kind and sensitive person you are. That's why the situation bothered you. Great job on resisting the desire to get numb. I finally began to really heal when I realized alcohol never makes anything better or easier (ever). 
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
nice call Dorris
Originally Posted by Dorris 
How silly of me to think vodka would have made any of this easier, I am so thankful I have SR.
nice call Dorris
the more of these kind of situations that we get through
without drinking
it just reaffirms to us
that yes no matter what happens in our life's
we need not drink because of it
and
it's a good thing not to deceive oneself yet again
for we have learned the hard way
that drinking only ads to our problems
the more of these kind of situations that we get through
without drinking
it just reaffirms to us
that yes no matter what happens in our life's
we need not drink because of it
and
it's a good thing not to deceive oneself yet again
for we have learned the hard way
that drinking only ads to our problems
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
