Scott6433

I, just like a lot of us here, remember quite clearly the first time I got sick from drinking too much. We made a solemn vow to ourselves that we would never do it again based primarily on the sheer discomfort of the experience. The insanity almost fascinates me at this point and of course not in a good way. We can go ahead and fast forward about 15 years for me from that "first time". I remember the feeling so clearly. The fact that I now do it daily not thinking a thing other than that it's taking away from my drinking time baffles me. The fact that I do it now not because I've drank too much but because I haven't drank enough. No feeling of "I will never do this again" anymore, only an obsession with drinking more. The obvious hope is not to wake up at all and yet somehow something up there keeps forcing me to wake only to do it all over again. 7 days I have read that one can survive. 7 days without water...7 days without food etc.
According to that whole "mid brain" theory controlling our addictive behavior this is a means of survival. This is truly such a seemingly impossible and crippling condition that we have to deal with. Thanks for listening guys.

ScottFromWI

Addiction is very powerful to say the least.

I hope your reference to not eating or drinking water for 7 days is just a philosophical idea and not a literal statement?

Climber122

No one is beyond help my friend - but you have to want it. It sounds to me like you have resigned yourself. There are innumberable paths you could walk and a lot of good you could do for others, but only after beig relieved of the obsession to drink. Dying an alcoholic death is one choice you can make - the other is deciding to try something else even you have only the slightest amount of willingness. I have seen several cases come into AA completely wrecked at an old age and stay sober, and I have also seen a friend pass on of kidney failure at 39. I know your head probably doesn't tell you so, but consider life - you are worth it and no worse than the rest of us. God bless.

least

Addiction may be seemingly impossible, but it is not impossible. You have to want it badly enough to make the changes necessary to kick the addiction.

Dee74

Absolutely noone is beyond help Scott - but resigning yourself to a life like this is about the worst thing you could do.

Your addictions in the drivers seat - kick him out

Getting sober is hard work - but it's far FAR from impossible. There's thousands of people here testament to that.

You're no different to any of us, except that you haven't explored all your recovery options yet.

What avenues have you tried so far besides SR - seeing a Dr, joining a recovery group, counselling, rehab?

D

SnwFlower

Scott, the words you write certainly resonate to how I felt less than 6 months ago. I felt like my situation was impossible, like things would never change. Trust me, it can change and you can do this. You are not alone and there is hope. Just one decision, one day can make a difference.

Have you thought about a plan that you'd like to take to begin your sobriety? You can do this. Let's do this Scott, we're here for you.

Nighthawk8820

3 days without water, a month with no food. I remember my first time, it was Malibu rum me and a friend jacked from her mom. I was spinny and sick, sitting outside in the summer night air, praying for it to be over. I remember looking up in the sky and praying for it to be over, swearing to never drink again if I would just stop spinning. To this day, I cant do malibu tasting ANYTHING, but that sure didnt stop me from diving head first into every other type of booze as time went on.

I was 17 when I drank that Malibu, so when I decided to get sober and was scared of what I would do with no booze, I reminded myself I didnt drink for the first 17 years of my life, and I was a pretty happy kid during that time.

Nighthawk8820

Dee is right, you have got to stop thinking the way you are right now. Its the addiction controlling your mind, not the real Scott, who is most likely dying to come out and take control of his life again.

SnwFlower

Are you feeling any better Scott? Would love to hear how you are doing. We're here and we care.