New low
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Gardiner NY
Posts: 16
New low
Last night, addict BF crossed a new line which was taking money out of a bank account (for pills and gas to go get more pills) that was meant to cover written checks. (I took ATM card this a.m.) I don't know how he managed to get home with the amount of pills he had in his system, but he is here on the couch, pretending to be asleep so he doesn't have to talk to me. Little does he know I'm done scolding/yelling.
He sent me 2 long text messages about how awful he feels and how he knows he's messing up the one good thing he has in his life (our so-called relationship) and blablabla and then he wrote the only thing he can think to do is "leave".
Some background: he is on parole after 9 years in prison for distribution of controlled substance. So when he says "leave" he means willingly put himself back into prison.
At this point I'm supposed to go crying and begging him not to leave and telling him "we'll get through it" and on and on- this is what he'd like. Instead I am proud to say I looked in the driveway and saw his car and thought, "Well, he hasn't left yet!"
Oh the ploys and manipulations we endure. It feels good that these things aren't working on me anymore.
He sent me 2 long text messages about how awful he feels and how he knows he's messing up the one good thing he has in his life (our so-called relationship) and blablabla and then he wrote the only thing he can think to do is "leave".
Some background: he is on parole after 9 years in prison for distribution of controlled substance. So when he says "leave" he means willingly put himself back into prison.
At this point I'm supposed to go crying and begging him not to leave and telling him "we'll get through it" and on and on- this is what he'd like. Instead I am proud to say I looked in the driveway and saw his car and thought, "Well, he hasn't left yet!"
Oh the ploys and manipulations we endure. It feels good that these things aren't working on me anymore.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Ah yes.....the "I'll just go away" tactic. Addicts understand us better than we understand ourselves.
Yes. He is waiting for you to react in a very predictable manner. And you can see how there is no need to be mean. We can simply stop reacting in our predictable manner and things will change. It disarms the manipulation when we don't react to it. But unfortunately they will increase the intensity of the manipulation.....again trying to get us to react in our predictable manner.
Good for you for staying calm and not reacting. It leaves the responsibility where it belongs.....with him.
gentle hugs
ke
Yes. He is waiting for you to react in a very predictable manner. And you can see how there is no need to be mean. We can simply stop reacting in our predictable manner and things will change. It disarms the manipulation when we don't react to it. But unfortunately they will increase the intensity of the manipulation.....again trying to get us to react in our predictable manner.
Good for you for staying calm and not reacting. It leaves the responsibility where it belongs.....with him.
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Gardiner NY
Posts: 16
Thank you Kind- after walking around house while I slept this a.m. and not getting a reaction, then coming in the bedroom while I slept to pretend to get something and still not getting a reaction, I went to the kitchen and said "hi" in my business-as-usual tone. he just nodded and looked away, then left! But not to go to prison, just the gym. He'll be back in an hour and the pouting will continue.
And you know what, compared to how I've felt the last few months, I feel ******* great in Detach-Town.
And you know what, compared to how I've felt the last few months, I feel ******* great in Detach-Town.
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