legna

I am a child of an alcoholic mother and a recovered addict. I am a member of Narcotics Anonymous and have been clean for twenty-one years. I have recently joined Nar-Anon after my wife relapsed and am getting a lot out of that program as well. I've held pretty much to the idea that the steps are the steps and while I'd no doubt likely qualify for three or four dozen twelve step programs I've tried to keep it simple. It's been working well and I've considered myself a happy, healthy guy... and then my health went to hell in a hand basket.

Without boring you with details of my diagnosis's, I have to use a cane to get around; a trip up the stairs has my pulse up from 80 to 180, I'm sleeping 16-18 hours a day...long story short, my wife is cheerfully doing everything. I lost my job and I'm racing for disability or unemployment to hit first...she's taken on a second job. What's the point? I've worked two jobs before to support us. I've done everything cheerfully when she hasn't been able to... but this is different...this is me.

The thoughts I'm having are particularly unhealthy and I'm amazed at just how bad they are. First off, my poor wife has to listen to me say 'I'm sorry I'm having to ask you to do this or that' a hundred times a day or more - and I'm only saying it once every five times I think it. Last night I was hungry and I wanted to make a sandwich. I am embarrassed to say this but I actually thought, "Money is tight, you aren't contributing, you don't deserve to eat." WTH!

Anyway, I'm grateful to discover this unhealthy acreage before it infests the whole darn Ponderosa - and I'm not afraid of step work - I've gotten too much value out of previous work to still be frightened by it...but what I wanted to ask is:

Did I guess right and find myself in the right place? here in the ACOA corner? What thinks you veterans?

DesertEyes

Hello legna, and welcome to our corner of recovery

First of, congratulations on the 21 years. That is a lot of one-days. Out here we call people that attend multiple programs, such as me that does three regularly and sometimes five, "alphabet people"

I understand that quite well. I used to be the stereotype of good health. Climbing in the rockies, hiking for weeks. Now I take over a dozen meds a day just to get out of bed. If I want to go on a flat hike I have to see my doc for extra steroids and I'm lucky if I can make 2 miles.

Yup. Same here. Nothing but garbage from my childhood that I didn't even know was there.

Yup, you are in the right place. Welcome home

Here's a couple experiences I have had, perhaps you can find something useful in them.

Over the last few years that I have been ill I have been fortunate to meet, and date, a few lovely ladies from other programs. They cheerfuly and energetically looked after me, while all my ACoA issues bounced around in my head just like you mentioned.

One of them mentioned to me that being able to be useful, as a human being, and to do for me what I could not do for myself, gave her a huge feeling of serenity. She said that after half a life of using men for her own addictions she could finally be a normal woman and give back to a man.

My sponsor reminded me of all the times I had done something for somebody else, and how good I felt inside to be able to contribute. He told me that my being ill was an opportunity for me to _graciously_ allow others to obtain the same feeling.

There's a whole lot I am no able to do. But that leaves me time to do other things. Like hang out here on SoberRecovery and share my experience when appropriate. I attend business meetings in my programs, I help central office by doing things like keep the meeting list up to date. I call peeps on the phone and ask them how _they_ are doing. And when another "sicko" like me shows up at a meet I welcome them and share war stories about doctors, insurance companies and hospitals.

My personal opinion is that any human being who happens to live long enough is going to have to deal with failing health and disability. Some of us live a little faster and get there sooner

Welcome again, I'm glad you decided to join us.

Mike

DavidG

Hiya mate,

2 years ago I was a wreck. I had worked myself to an early grave. Pain was my middle name. I was taking that passage from middle age to old age. I was sacked from my job of 17 years. I took em to court myself and obtained an out of court settlement.

My SO works in the health field. I think we broke the rules a little- but she put me through a pain relief programme. I still have the aches and pains, more or less, but they don't weigh me down no more.

Then we had another crisis where my SO had a crisis from her addiction of choice. I thought, here we go and besides the ambulance i had to call in the fire brigade.

Because I am an Alanon old hand I guess I knew the ropes. That crisis became a turning point. I went along with some of the treatment... ... we are going to the pool three or four times a week.

Swimming is a great from of exercise... all I could really do was the dog-paddle. But I took up breast-stroke and now can get up to 20 to 24 25 metre lengths.

I am working part time at my old trade- pruning apricot trees. Also I am writing another book...

...waiting for the pension in 2 and a half years time. I have a summer job with a pick and shovel- keeps me fit. Hope to keep this job past pension time to fund some overseas travel...

...bin so long in the programme something has to kick in...

welcome to the ACA side of this mighty programme...



-David from Downunder.

Mracoa

Welcome legna. I think you will find some good resources here and from other peoples stories you may find little glimpses into your own behaviors that you might not have seen from all perspectives. It's interesting how different, but in many ways remarkably similar some of our stories are.

legna

This, entirely by itself, has changed my outlook dramatically. Too, I have shared this story with others and have found that they have gotten as much from it as I did.

legna

My wife also relapsed recently she has 72 days clean today. I didn't call the ambulance or the fire brigade but I did have to call the lawyer.


Not able to work at the moment but remarkably and also back to work on another book since my body isn't cooperating for me to do anything else. But writing is my passion and I am so glad that I still have the mental capacity to do that. Ironic.

Bubovski

Things can hit us any time, often when least expected.
Like you I feel sometimes I need 3 or 4 programs.
You still have the good defensive weaponry in the steps,
I had a book published 2007, another on ice.
Sometimes a door closes and another opens.
Keep your chin up.