Synfull Vyxun

My family are alcoholics and as much as I love seeing them, I hate the fact that all we seem to do is get drunk together, talk rubbish and then I get in trouble for it!
I have been trying to live my life but I seem to have to answer to my parents and tell them everything I do, I moved 12 thousand miles away from my A mother, so we could all get on with our own lives, but now my dad is coming to visit, I only left 6 months ago.
I cannot get settled yet as he is here for a month and I am dreading seeing him. My family are alckies and I seem to be the one who is always in the bad books. I don't understand how they can all blame me, sometimes I wish I could just run away from them all and not tell them where I am, but they brought me up better than that,and to consider others feelings before my own.
I know it is my life and I should just live it and give them the finger, but I already feel alone and unloved. I am so lost, they say here in Australia, to really find yourself, you have to get really lost, so I am thinking of going out bush and getting really lost with no communication with any of them, but then I have sorta got back with an ex now, I trully do love him, he is my best friend, but he still chats up girls on the internet and stuff, and I seem to be making a lot of sacrifices for him and his baby boy but I dont seem to be getting anything back, so really not feeling that loved there either. I know I have issues and am sorting them all slowly, I just don't wanna feel this anxious and worried about everyone else, It is their problem. But how do I stop this stupid brain thinking bad thoughts?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

m1k3

Of course they would, they are As. If you thought of yourself first you might not put up with all their BS.

It might be too late now but you are allowed to say no. No, you can't come visit. No, you can't stay here and so on.

No need to explain either. No is a complete sentence.

Your friend,

Mracoa

Focus that brain on something else. Focus it on taking care of you.

Don't allow yourself to be blamed or take the blame for someone else's poor choices. This is called being a scapegoat. You can't stop someone from blaming you, but you can refuse to accept the blame. The word "no", and learning to detach are good tools for that.

Don't fall in love with someone just because you can take care of them. Find someone who is equally willing to take care of you. If your partner is not putting as much into the relationship as you are, you won't be happy. A relationship out of balance is a relationship in trouble.

Put yourself first. It's okay to discover and fill your own needs. Focus your brain on that for a while. What are your needs? What can YOU do to meet those. Don't rely on others to tell you what they are.

I'm starting to figure out my own needs. It's a slow process. I've spent a lifetime taking care of others and hoping that in return they would take care of me. That's wrong thinking. I need to take care of me, and in return I'll have the ability to take care of others. But the me needs to come 1st.

m1k3

Google mindfulness. There is some great stuff out there for leaning how to derail the monkey mind, or crazy habitual thoughts. I have a mantra I use whenever I feel myself jumping onto the hamster wheel in my head. The mantra will refocus me back to the present and let me get myself centered.

For it to work you have to pay attention to what you are thinking and how you are feeling. That is where mindfulness comes into play. Learning how to pay attention what your internal weather is without judgement.

I have found my life to be much better since I started a mindfulness program.

Your friend,