lizwig

I'm not one for quoting song lyrics but always appreciate when others do....we can receive messages in many different forms when we really listen to what is being said. My husband I live in a huge music town in Colorado. We have an amazing array of local talent. One of our favorite local bands was playing last weekend so we picked up their new CD. They write all their own stuff and are incredible. I decided to listen to the CD this morning, terrific music, great atmosphere....typical to everything they do. And then....I was absolutely stopped in my tracks. What was just background music all of a sudden was completely clear and I heard every single word as if it was being spoken directly to me. I haven't quite recovered. It breaks my heart to know how lonely my son is...how far this has come and just pray someday he can find the strength to pull himself out of this. I do believe my family knows how incredibly painful this is for us so they avoid the topic and so for the past several gatherings it's like he never existed. I feel like I'm missing a body part and people are avoiding commenting on it and averting their eyes. Also feeling sad for my husband today...so many good memories of great Father's Days through the years. Here goes, I wish you could hear the melody:

Here's Looking at You - Written by Chris Anderson and AJ Masters of Fierce Bad Rabbit.

~~~~~~~~

Broken bottles on the floor
A morning from the night before
But you'll just sweep it up again
Hope no one else sees these sins

Blame it all on your past
You're wearing your righteous mask
'cause nothing's your problem now
it's everyone's fault somehow

Oh and all of these things
and all of the ways you've changed
You broke a part of everything

We all wish you well
Here's looking at you.

The holiday's came and went
conversations that you weren't in
No one's talking about where you've been
Will you ever come around again?

Cause you're only wasting precious time
You should've seen the way your mother cried
and your father he just shook his head
No getting over all those
things you said

Oh and all of these things
and all of the ways you've changed
You broke a part of everything
we all wish you well
here's looking at you.

Go along your own way
You've made it clear
of all you had to say
So raise a glass
to one more lonely day.

We all wish you well.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

ugh. Gotta snap outta this. I've been doing so well....or at least I thought I was. I'm so grateful for this site....now I'm going to work on what you're all going to tell me to do...."hand it over, breathe, let go let GOD, trust in the process, pray". Thanks for the reminders.

Kindeyes

Lizwig
Those are some tough lyrics on a mother's heart. Oh...how many days, weeks, months, even years that I have felt the ache you are feeling this morning. And it's ok to feel that.....for a bit.....and then yes.....handing your dear son back over to his HP.

We just never know who or what they may run into while they are "out there" that may just flip the switch for them.....create a powerful awakening that gives them the gumption to do what they need to do to turn their lives around. We just don't know the future....

......so we have no choice. We can sit in our sadness or we can live in today and find a way to our own joy and pray that our loved ones see our light and follow it.

You and your dear son are in my prayers......as always.

gentle hugs from another mother
ke

Vale

>>>> and just pray someday he can find the strength to pull himself out of this<<<<<<

We will pray for same, an end to your son's loneliness---and look forward to the day he
rejoins sober humanity and is welcomed back as the valuable unique human being that
he is.

Never lose hope. NEVER.

(But YOUR life is important, too......never forget that either!)

Anaya

The lyrics...well, heartwrenching.

Praying for you and your son. Hugs from another mom of an AS.

allforcnm

Lizwig,

Im sorry it was a hard weekend for you. Thank your for sharing the song. I actually went to the Fierce Rabbit site and listened to a whole bunch of their songs while I was at work today. You have good taste in music. I downloaded the Maestro and the Elephant. I mean I had to with a name like that.

Sunshine2

The music lyrics are very touching. like Allforcnm, I went to Youtube to listen to Fierce Rabbit and they make really good music. Thank you for that introduction to them.

lizwig

Allforcnm and sunshine2...I take my music very seriously!! Like my desserts! the "spools of thread" CD is probably my favorite.....So far....it could be this one within a few days! I hope I don't wear the paint off the button fast forwarding through this song....just a little too painful yet. Amazing what music can do. Glad you enjoyed listening to them...very talented lot!

Carrots

I too am just disheartened and overwhelmed today. I feel like nothing will end. Watching my AD hurt herself will never end. Nothing I do makes anything better, and the bottom will just keep on getting lower. And I want to scream and run away. Far far away so it can just end. Sometimes it is just so hard to let go of the memory of what was, before all this began.

lizwig

So many of us here have felt the way you are feeling today carrots. It helps me move through the feelings a bit quicker when I acknowledge them rather than trying to contain them. I had a big pity party on Sunday...to the point I didn't even want to be around myself. That rrarely happens with me. It's honestly been months....since I started coming here and attending meetings. do you attend any meetings? I have to (or shall I say get to) attend al-anon because there aren't any nar-anon meetings where I live. They have saved my sanity. Some days do feel hopeless. I feel you on that. I believe I have a stubborn streak....I have never been willing to allow my son's addiction to take me down too. I wish I could give you a big hug today. As Kindeyes said at the top...it is okay to feel it....for a bit...but then we need to say an extra prayer in handing them back over. She's right....we never know who may be the catalyst for them to decide to change....I pray for the strength each day to not give up 5 minutes before the miracle arrives. Thank you for posting. Please keep coming back.

PresentTense

Liz - Thanks for posting the lyrics to the song. I will try to navigate my way to find more of their music. The song is an artistic way of expressing the crushing grief of loving an addict and like all art (in my experience at least) it heals. Thanks again for taking the time to post it.

Your son is in my prayers and so are you. I am also the mom of an addict so I share your pain. It sounds to me like you have a lot of strength and hope to draw on which is good. We have no idea how vast our HP's resources are when it comes to miracles. Some days I am just shocked at how things can turn out when we trust.

allforcnm

My husband calls this a Sense of Self Preservation. Its a good thing !

EJG123

I heard an old song, Jumper by Third Eye Blind, on the radio a few days ago and was surprised that it did not stir up strong feelsings for me because I used to listen to it back when my AD was at her worst...when every day was a new horrible trauma. That was a few years ago and I can honestly say that life goes on. My AD has moved on and mostly I have too. The thing that I notice is that I am still a bit more sensitive to stress than before...I am healing but it takes time..I take it as a positive sign that I can enjoy songs that I once associated with terrible times.