Wilber

I had been sober for over a year until I relapsed yesterday. I feel ashamed and as if I am a terrible human being. Whats worse is I tried to lie about it to my wonderful fiance. She has been with me every step of the way through my recovery and now I feel as if I have thrown all the trust away with one swift regrettable action. I am now in a dark place, I believe she is going to leave me, I told my parents but their response was simply to cut me out of their lives. I feel lost and alone and as if I will never be happy again. I live in a very small town, and the only chemical dependency center (which only offers outpatient treatment) is closed until Monday, and the psychiatrist will not be in his office until Monday either.

Thank you for reading, I was searching for some form of support and stumbled across this in my search

LadyinBC

A year is a great accomplishment. Okay you screwed up. However you have over A YEAR of sober time. No one can take that away from you.

Feeling ashamed and being in that dark place is not good for us. That is where are addictive voice wants us to be. I think it is important to figure out what set us off and what we can do different next time. I know for me that the pity pot is a bad place for me to be.

Please hang tight until Monday. Post here, read here, people here will help you thru it.

hope22

Welcome Wilber, sorry to hear about your relapse. SR is a great support site!

Krodos

Making a mistake does not negate all the good you did by staying sober for over a year.

Get up and dust yourself off. Don't let that voice in your head tell you "Well you messed up your streak, might as well some drink more!"

Dee74

Hi wilber

I don't believe you're a terrible person - you're addicted - there's a massive difference

I'm sorry for your relationship troubles but I don;t think there's much you can do about those for now...the best thing to do now is to focus on getting back to where you were and staying sober....I bet you'll find that makes a world of difference to the other problems in your life too.

you'll find a lot of support here

D

fantail

Yes, please don't start thinking that you've thrown everything away. 1 year is a huge accomplishment, huge!

When you start thinking "I've thrown it all away, I'm terrible" is when you start thinking "So I might as well have more."

Stay steady. You are still on your way. You can't control other people's feelings, you can only control your own behavior. No matter what happens next, you can handle this situation to the best of your ability only if you're sober. Please stick around and make it through to Monday.

Nuudawn

You just lived one year sober (awesome!) and you stumbled. You didn't stay down. You got back up and here you are. Get out of the darkness, self loathing and defeat. It will swallow you up and your addiction will use it against you. You made an error and you must give it serious consideration as to why. What triggered you? Have you been perking like a pressure cooker awhile? Learn from it...don't let it drag you down further. I'm sorry your parents were so harsh....that is unfortunate. But show them you are on a path of PROGRESS...not failure. We make mistakes..we are human. Fools don't learn...the wise do.

Be wise. You have 350 days more of success than I do at this point. Don't throw away all your hard work.

Wilber

thank you for the encouraging responses everyone, this may have been exactly what I needed to make it through until Monday, support from those who understand the problem

you have helped me so much and I cant thank you enough

IWillWin

This is a marathon not a sprint. Take a deep breath, get up, put on foot in front of the other and start running again. You can do it!! You've been doing it for a year!!!

Don't let a stumble spiral into a fall. Stick close to SR for the next 24-36 hours. There are people here who understand and care and will help you through this.

DrakeCKC

Hi Wilber, I am but 70 days sober and am in awe of your one year. Do not get down, we are fragile, imperfect people. We make mistakes.

This is a quote a member posted in our online chat/meetings:

"Every second that you spend on doubting your worth, every moment that you use to criticize yourself; is a second of your life wasted, is a moment of your life thrown away. It’s not like you have forever, so don’t waste any of your seconds, don’t throw even one of your moments away.”

Keep your head up friend. Get support where you can, here or in person.

welcome to SR too.

bsmac02

Wilber... Bro, you went a year without relapse. I APPLAUD YOU! You have friends here. I can't imagine that your woman would leave you just like that, especially after standing by you for over a year. That's a big deal. Just shake off the mishap. Revert back to your "old thoughts" before your tiny slip up. Don't let one day put a year of sobriety to shame. Everything is going to be fine!

wiscsober

I can't add more than what others have posted...please take it to heart shame will keep you drunk...you have a serious illness and relapse doesn't define you as a terrible person.

I firmly believe, through my relapse(s) and many others who have also, that an emotional relapse occurs a few days/weeks before the physical relapse. Try to get down on paper what was going on with you and your recovery program before today. When did the mental obsession come back? Share it with someone. Might help.

I hope you continue with SR, you have a wealth of recovery to share with others as we are now doing with you.

Sobriety is not an end goal...it is a way of life. A wonderful life.

FeenixxRising

You're not a terrible human being. Relapses do happen, but work hard to recommit. As for lying, well . . . personally, I've told anyone who knows my struggle that I will never lie about a relapse. Lies like that just eat away at our soul. While it can be hard to admit we screwed up, I believe it's easier to own up to our mistakes.

I suggest giving your fiancé some time and then apologize for the lie.

venuscat

This disease is sneaky Wilber ~ and we've all stumbled a few times,
had to get up again.

I'm sorry for the pain you are in right now; one day at a time you can work your way through all of this stuff...you have all of our love and support.

Venus xx

Grungehead

So true wiscsober. You have learned a lot in that year and this is a very good spot to share it with others who need the support as much as you do. That's why I love this place...not only do other members help and support me but I have the opportunity to help and support other members, which also helps me.

It's a win-win scenario as far as I'm concerned.

deeker

Wilber, can you find an AA meeting? I think you will feel better if you go.

You r not alone and a year is awesome. I relapsed after 2.5 years and almost 3 yrs. But I didn't make it right back so I really give you a lot of credit. Put the bat down. Learn from it. Maybe u just needed the reminder that it really was as bad as u remember it.

Hope u can move forward without all the guilt!

Pondlady

Welcome Wilber. As others have said, a year is a significant accomplishment....try to remember that and focus on staying sober.

Nighthawk8820

Not all is lost, you made 1 mistake and if you nip this in the butt right now, you can get back on track and avoid getting wrapped up in that cycle of addiction you know all too well. Fact is, you are an alcoholic.........no amount of time sober is going to allow you moderate your drinking or be able to enjoy the occasional cocktail in the future, no matter if you are sober a year or 30. Learn from this, dust yourself off, and get back on track. Sitting around feeling sorry for yourself will not help you or your situation. You are at a crossroads now, and I pray you make the right decision. This is a blip on your radar, not the end of days. Snap out of it, and get back on that wagon.......do NOT turn to alcohol to try and "cope" with this, because then you will lose everything you worked for over the last year. God bless!

Nighthawk8820

Best post of the night!!! You said it better than I could, or did. Well done!