Weasel1966

I found out why my friend dumped me. He said he cannot understand how I can stay with someone that broke my nose in two places and my eye socket. Now that he is moving he does not want to be friends.

Here is the karma part.......

Back 10 years ago I was asked to lunch by a friend. Someone I admired. Someone I trusted. He told me that his limp was from being beaten with a wine bottle from his partner. He described things that made me not want to eat my lunch.

I told him flat out to leave. I could not wrap my head around any other solution.

I am laying on my couch wondering why I don't take my own advice. Why am I so stubborn. Just f'ing why?

Anyway.... I understand him better. He was a very very good friend. He always will be to me.

I have some big steps to take.

LadyinBC

We are also terrible at taking our own advice. Sometimes we think it is easier to stay in a relationship than leave it. Because it is something we know. If that makes any sense.

I worked for Social Services for 11 years and saw this pattern with many women. Being beaten by their partners and staying.

Do you come from an abusive home?

Weasel1966

Yes I do.

Nonsensical

I don't have any direct experience with domestic violence, but I have plenty of experience in not taking my own advice. It's tough.

A Ray Radbury quote comes to mind. "Sometimes a man has to shoot his own dog."

Be well, my friend.

LadyinBC

Well it isn't uncommon for those who are abused to end up in relationships that are abusive.

Some of these women, it is all they know and all they think that they deserve. They actually seek out these kind of men and these men know how to find them. Then as the abuse gets worse it gets harder for them to leave.

Does this person isolate you? I am a bit worried about you. You deserve better than someone physically abusing you. It's easy for us to tell someone to leave it. It is also harder for men I think to admit that they are being abused and for people to take them seriously.

I just want to give you a big hug Weasel!

mecanix

I'd answer myself that one by saying i'm an alcoholic and i found in using and drinking i don't have to confront reality, It is what i do by first nature .

feelings inside ? smother them or blast them away with magic juice like i'm master of the universe . It's how i learned to not deal with things .

I'd have done anything other than have to deal with pain , which included hurting others mentaly or physicaly if they challenged me or my magic juice use .

Glad i've grown a bit since those days although i do have a tendancy to charge the opposite way now , finding the ballance is important for me ,

Bestwishes, M

Fandy

Everything happens for a reason....what happened with your upstairs neighbor makes you think.
I confess, i thought you were staying due to owning the house together, mortgages, etc....now i realize you may not have this entanglment.
You will arrive at a decision that allows you to take care of yourself....but if he is not recovering/addressing his violent issues, i worry he would do it again.
Maybe this is a little shove in forward motion?

LDT

I grew up in an abusive home. One would never, ever assume that from the outside looking in, though. We learned to stuff all emotions and put on a happy face. I tried for decades to "save" my parents from each other . I tried to " be there" for them in every single way I could imagine: I tried to be a good friend, daughter, counselor, mediator, ring master,... You name it. The abuse continued and, after descending into my own alcoholic hell..... I finally had to walk away. It was the only way to save my soul.

I understand your friend, Ken. He can't watch it or hear about it any longer. It's just too painful . I wish you well.

Weasel1966

I will saddle up and get myself to a better place. I deserve it. I am safe. He is not abusive by nature. He happens to be very kind since the event.

It has taken this long to get myself in the right place. No sense in making it harder than needed. So proper planning will afford me more in the long run. A few months to execute a plan is better than many months trying to get back what I could have lost.

Thanks for being kind.

K

Fandy

Does your partner KNOW about the detachment of the moving neighbor? talking about it with him might be helpful too.

Weasey, there is NO time limit for your decisions, you know what is best for you. you can think outloud with us, (tell me to shutup, i won't be insulted)

Nighthawk8820

Asking "Why" is one of the best things you can do, and a crucial step in recovery. Why do you do the things you do? I think that is something everyone needs to know about themselves in order for recovery to be a success. Not just asking, but really soul searching and being honest with yourself. You stayed because you have some self esteem issues and most likely dont think you deserve better. As addicts, we struggle with our self esteems and confidence, which is a big boulder to get around in the path of life. You can do it though, but it all starts by asking why.

Nighthawk8820

I agree. You can only help someone for so long, but if they arent willing to help themselves, then it starts to effect you in a negative way. As a person in recovery, I am pretty choosy in who I attempt to help. I like to see determination or something in them that resonates with me. Id love to help everyone, but I refuse to spread myself to thin or to get involved with people who seem hell bent on making the same mistakes over and over. Im not being selfish, I am protecting my own serenity and peace, which I worked hard to achieve and will work even harder to maintain.