SNST

I havent been saying much on here lately but Ive been here ALOT, reading almost every Newcomer & Substance abuse threads. I am now at day 41 off Opiates, except for 1 slip up that I wont even count against me because it scared me so bad after I took "just one" 7.5 mg Hydro. (For me 1 pill use to be a joke I wouldnt have bothered with it because it wouldnt have done anything at all for me)
I was so afraid it would prolong my recovery, and honestly Im so sick of fighting to get through every day without drugs, but I sure dont want to go back to the beginning.

I was cooking & cleaning up after 4 adults & 5 kids age ranging from 6 months to 13 just 1 month into recovery. I still wasnt feeling my best, my energy was almost nil, the anxiety especially in that week was getting the best of me, so I broke down an took that pill, that was NO excuse to use again, even if it was just a little dose, there is NO excuse for anyone to use again if they truly want to get clean, and I for one am serious about my recovery. I see so many people making excuses for why they use, as I did. They will say, I dont have a problem as long as I take my meds as prescribed, I havent been in trouble with the law, I havent stole to support my habit, Im a functioning user, then Im ok. Well the fact is, if a person doesnt think there is a "problem" why do they come here on SR for support? I can only speak for myself of course, and I can say I was also prescribed my meds, but it wasnt enough for me, we all build a tolerance. I am in trouble with the law but not because I stole for my pills, not because of any kind of drug charge, it is because of the drugs, I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. And I was a very functioning addict, more functioning ( physically ) than I am now. I worked everyday, kept my home spotless, had a very active social life, but I didnt care about anything or anyone, all I cared about was my pills.

I became exhausted chasing the drug, it consumed every minute of my life, either by looking for them, worrying about " what if I cant find any today ". And the money I spent on them would have probably bought myself a new car. My pills had to come before my bills, and I am a single woman so I didnt have a husband to keep a roof over my head or food in my mouth, it was all up to me to do that, but I chose pills over a roof & food.

My point is after taking 1 pill that day, Ive thought about it every day since, wondering if that 1 pill is why Im still not feeling the way I think I should at this time. I know this is a long process, and I also know if we continue to take " 1 pill " or have just "1 drink" were not moving forward at all. I get discouraged just like everyone on recovery. But I will tough it out, I know it gets better, Ive seen a lot of success stories on here. It takes time.

So to everyone who is struggling, if your serious about your recovery, stick with it, dont use, dont drink under any circumstance. If we think for just one second we " might " have a problem, more than likely we do. Its OUR responsibility to get through this, nobody can do it for us.

Sorry for rambling but this is my thoughts on day 41

least

Stick to your recovery plan. You can do this!

Anna

Just focus on what you've accomplished and making positive changes in your life.

Living

Awesome post! Your insight and wisdom struck a chord with me.

Hang in there, you are still healing.

wiscsober

SickandSooTired thank you for a great post....we only got today...certainly 41 means a lot...look you have the wonderful experience of 40 and 1 reminder.

Your last paragraph is hopeful, full of love and caring....emotions I thought I lost when using and drinking...

You are free. You are helping others and in doing so leading a clean life...Keep posting I need you to and so do hundreds of others...

I'm not being pollyanna here...you are a bright ray of recovery for me, SR, and I hope for people you meet F2F....

Keep us posted...one addict helping another addict...thank you

p.s. really not my business, but it would be nice to see you with a new member name! jk

SNST

Thanks guys, I was washing dishes today and was thinking about some of the post I had seen here earlier this morning, and thinking about how I have felt & what Ive went through this past 40 days, its not pretty for any of us but we have to keep reminding ourselves that it does & will get better for all of us. It doesnt matter if you drink or if you pop pills or smoke meth, we are all the same when it comes to recovery. Not one of us are better or worse off than the next person here. My thoughts started making me feel really overwhelmed for some reason, so I stopped what I was doing and came here to write down what was going through my mind at the time. And I felt much better after I did

SNST

p.s. really not my business, but it would be nice to see you with a new member name! jk

LOL, funny you say that Wiscsober, I was just thinking about that today too I would change it but I dont know how

trikyriky

Hi Snst , I Reiterate What Your Saying. Recovery Is Not Something We're Guaranteed , We Have To Go And Get It. I've Been Doing This And The Effort Is Paying Off. No Cold Turkey Thing. I've Built Someting And I Can See The Light At The End Of The Tunnel. With S R , All Of you. When I Slip Now I Hurt More Than The Last Time. For Me And All Of My Support team I Want It More Than Ever. Today I Didn't Use. We're Building , We're Good ((( Huggs )))

Dee74

Just PM Anna with the name you want SSNT - she can change your name.

You're spot on with it having to be 'no more - ever'...but don;t beat yourself up over and over for one mistake either. You corrected yourself and moved on...it's all good

D

joygirl

41 days, Sick!!!! It's been quite a journey, yes? Up and down, round and round! You may not be where you think you should be, but you are just where you need to be. Stay with it, I know you will. We are determined to get and stay clean, it's who we are now! Big Hug!

SNST

Thanks Dee I will do that

Joy I have never heard any truer words, its been all over the place for sure And your right, we are determined to beat this, and we will! I wouldnt go back now for anything..Big Hugs right back atcha

SnwFlower

Thanks for sharing your insightful and genuine post, it was very inspiring! 41 days is really awesome. Keep on keepin' on! Rooting for you!

SNST

Thanks Snw

wiscsober

SNST! Recovering minds think alike.

I think it says a lot for your recovery when people write that your posts are genuine and honest.

When I was in my dark depths of addiction I was not those things...it has been a long road...even today...struggling to find identity

Great Work! ODAAT

SNST

Hey Wisc! Yes we do think alike Hey Im actually thinking about something other than getting high for the first time in a long time lol. This recovery thing is tough, probably the hardest thing Ive ever done, but this is the one thing in my life I can & WILL have control over. My addiction has controlled me for far to long, now Im taking over

wiscsober

Good...in recovery our lives do become manageable and our minds, bodies, personalities change/heal tremendously...

once the illness is arrested and in remission there is no longer a need to control it...

certainly I am still powerless over the addiction but it is "asleep" for lack of better words...

We do control our lives and recovery...the disease hasn't changed...but we certainly have...a lot of things still happen that I don't have control over but that is when I have to accept things...

A devastating aspect of my alcoholism and addiction was my unwillingness to accept, lack of courage to change...pretty much the reverse of the serenity prayer

Best to you always