walkingwithgod

Today is day 80, and I can't get over regrets. I can't get over: money wasted/debt created, big weight gain, anger at myself for being an alcoholic, time wasted drinking. I'm 34, but the regrets are constantly in my mind.

Marjoram

WWG - you cannot live your life with regrets. Every experience in life is an opportunity to learn, to improve, to make your life better. I was divorced when I was 25 years old. For the longest time I beat myself over it. I was a failure, I regretted ever getting married. But, if that never happened, I would not have all the good things I have in life right now. A good husband, an appreciation for the outdoors, a wonderful network of friends that are like family.... I learned from that experience - how could I improve myself, how could I improve my next relationship. The only bad part is I'm dealing with alcoholism. But again, I can say I regret that I ever took that first drink. So, I have to look at what has brought me here, and ask myself, what can I do to make it better? What can I do to help someone else going through this same thing? How can I take something so bad, and turn it into something that makes a difference?

I'm going on 43, and trust me, if I were to add up all the money I blew. But, now I'm looking at it as, look at the money I can save....maybe treat myself to something I've been putting off buying. But....that's down the road.

Every time I do a load of laundry, I stick $1 in a container. By the end of the year, there's nearly $240.00 in there. So, what I'm doing now, is taking $5 for every day sober (I figured I was tossing about $30-$40/week away in booze). That will be a nice chunk of change in 80 days! Taking something from the past, and making it something positive today.

Please don't ever go through life with regrets. It's like worrying, it just is a waste of mind space and does nothing but damage to our hearts.

MOST OF ALL - YAY FOR YOU ON 80 DAYS! I'm on big day 2!

RunningClean

Hi walkingwithgod, I can really identify with your post. I'm just on my 13th day of sobriety with the help of this board and AA. I could have travelled around the world with the debt I've racked up to drink. I've burned my marriage to a beautiful woman. I've lost years that could have been spent productively. I'm 39 years old, and I'm in a far worse position now than I was when I first left home at 19.

However, we have to accept the past. It can't be changed. You have 80 days sober and that is fantastic. The life that awaits is YOURS, to be lived on YOUR TERMS. The mental fog that covered you is lifting, the mental blind spots are being dealt with.

I guess the serenity prayer is what it's all about. We just have to accept what we can't change (the past) and make sure that we live as WE want in order to affect the things we can change (the future). And our ability to do that depends entirely on sobriety. Sobriety comes first, and everything else will follow.

Peace and good luck to you!

mecanix

I think there is a natural pace to these things .
At 80 days although a lot better , in some ways i was still all over the place , maybe i still am at 650 .. he he he

Keep on staying sober, keep on learning and working at it, if everything was perfect this week you'd have nothing to do next week .

Bestwishes, M

Dee74

Matt

do you think maybe, deep down, some part of you doesn't want to let go of these regrets?

By holding on to somethings you can never fix, and endlessly beating yourself up, you may be creating near perfect conditions to drink again.

I can't change my past either - but I have created a long string of 'todays' where I've done good and lived right...that balances the budget, and helps me live in peace.

D

Anna

You must find a way to let go of the regrets. You must learn to deal with the mistakes from the past. If not, you will find yourself sucked into the negativity, leading back to addiction. I know that from personal experience. It's not easy, but do try to forgive yourself

soberjim

WWG.. first...you are doing INCREDIBLE..I have seen you struggle or a long time and to be where you are is so good to see..

Glad to see you reach out at this point. That is important. Lot of good responses here. I can't give you the answer except to say all of us on SR who are moving forward are doing so with regrets. Trust me I have mine. BUT, I chose to not let it divert me from my goal of being a better person...

In early posts you would comment about wanting to be the husband and father you know you can be. Well Matt, I think you have taken many steps in the right direction. Letting go of past regrets is another aspect of your journey..

You can do this!

Jim

soberclover

The way that I have learned to let go of my past is to honor each new day by being sober. That way I can do no further harm to myself, my family, and to my community. Regrets and having reservations=relapse. Let it go my friend....

doggonecarl

First off, congrats on 80 days sober. How can you not be overjoyed about that? Have you forgotten how long you struggled to just get a couple days? A week?

That being said, I agree with Dee:

My sister is a nurse and worked for a long time with terminally ill cancer patients. She told me most people on their death bed have made peace with the things they've done. If they have regrets, it's for the things they haven't done.

Make peace with what you've done. Don't be on your deathbed wishing you hadn't wasted the blessings of sobriety reliving the misery of the past. A past you only change by not repeating it.

LetG0

WWG, I'm only a couple weeks sober, but I can tell you that my thoughts swing from pride in what I've accomplished/will accomplish due to making this choice and extreme guilt very quickly, very often.

One of my biggest reasons for making this commitment is like yours: to become the best husband and father I can be.

I feel for you.

God bless.

Grace2

WWG firstly congratulations on 80 days, that is totally amazing and you should be so proud of yourself.

We've had this conversation about regrets a few times now, so I'm not repeating it other than to say I re-iterate everything said in these responses to your post. Yesterday is history, tomorrow's a mystery and today is a gift, that's why it's called the present! Live for today, today is all we have.

Said with love

Gxx

walkingwithgod

Thank you for all the responses. I need to look ahead, and not repeat the past. I am proud of 80 days, and couldn't do it without all of you and SR. I guess today is a great day to work towards the future. My regret voice is louder than my AV at times.

Nighthawk8820

Think of it like this, so you made mistakes, right? but you learn from them and there is no point in living from the past. Learn and move on, or it will really inhibit your growth in sobriety. You are young, and things can really turn around for the better, almost amazingly, if you stick with this and keep moving forward. You cant move forward if you are stuck in the past.