I found the courage to leave
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 10
I found the courage to leave
Hello everybody!
I just wanted to write to thank you for your latest comments, but also to let you know that I feel a big relief because I talked to my AH tonight, and told him how I felt.
I told him that I wanted him to know that I am not happy with 3 important aspects of our relationship, the distance, his drinking and the fact that he doesnīt want to have children. I told him I cannot be with him with those going on and even though he only agreed with the fact that the children issue is a problem, because distance and his drinking are under control. We actually may have had a no traumatic finish. I told him I am telling him this now because I donīt want him to come all the way to Asia, just to find out that I want to finish. And he was fine, was a surprise but we were very mature.
He might consider to come on holiday here anyway, we can have a holiday as friends.
I told him how important he has been for me and how important he is, but how I cannot keep feeling bad with myself because I am not getting what I need.
I made up my mind after reading my journals and noticing that this had been going on and on for the last 5 years, without any change and because a new friend who coincidentally is a son of an A told me not to have children with my AH, with tears in his eyes. This happened yesterday.
I feel such a relief now! I donīt feel that anxiety I used to feel when we finished other times, that made me call him again. I feel fine. I know that if things were going to go this way for longer we wouldnīt have been happy. This year I will turn 33 I didnīt want to let go another year, I have given 11 years to this relationship, and donīt get me wrong I had amazing and happy times with him, and those will always be in my heart.
I am excited to think that I am finally overcoming codependence, itīs hard and I have relapses, I still try to please people and I have bursts of insecurity and low self steem, but I am a lot better than some years ago and I am working on those issues. I try to enjoy everyday even though sometimes is so hard.
I donīt know what is in life in the future, for now I want to be totally on my own at least for some time.
I donīt know if I can have babies or I am sterile, I donīt know if I will be with another man inthe future, but I do know that I will have the peace of not having alcohol around me.
For me now the main thing will be to avoid going back with him, I think it is natural to think I might do it because of my past ( I have finish like 40 times), but this one feels like the final one. I want to believe that all these years have not being wasted and that I actually learnt a lesson.
I am happy to think that I have cut the line of disfunctional families that preceded me, that is huge!
From my heart I hope he is happy
I hope I can be happy too
I will need a lot of support to mantain my decision, so I will be around here often
Thanks for reading!
And for the support through all these years!
I just wanted to write to thank you for your latest comments, but also to let you know that I feel a big relief because I talked to my AH tonight, and told him how I felt.
I told him that I wanted him to know that I am not happy with 3 important aspects of our relationship, the distance, his drinking and the fact that he doesnīt want to have children. I told him I cannot be with him with those going on and even though he only agreed with the fact that the children issue is a problem, because distance and his drinking are under control. We actually may have had a no traumatic finish. I told him I am telling him this now because I donīt want him to come all the way to Asia, just to find out that I want to finish. And he was fine, was a surprise but we were very mature.
He might consider to come on holiday here anyway, we can have a holiday as friends.
I told him how important he has been for me and how important he is, but how I cannot keep feeling bad with myself because I am not getting what I need.
I made up my mind after reading my journals and noticing that this had been going on and on for the last 5 years, without any change and because a new friend who coincidentally is a son of an A told me not to have children with my AH, with tears in his eyes. This happened yesterday.
I feel such a relief now! I donīt feel that anxiety I used to feel when we finished other times, that made me call him again. I feel fine. I know that if things were going to go this way for longer we wouldnīt have been happy. This year I will turn 33 I didnīt want to let go another year, I have given 11 years to this relationship, and donīt get me wrong I had amazing and happy times with him, and those will always be in my heart.
I am excited to think that I am finally overcoming codependence, itīs hard and I have relapses, I still try to please people and I have bursts of insecurity and low self steem, but I am a lot better than some years ago and I am working on those issues. I try to enjoy everyday even though sometimes is so hard.
I donīt know what is in life in the future, for now I want to be totally on my own at least for some time.
I donīt know if I can have babies or I am sterile, I donīt know if I will be with another man inthe future, but I do know that I will have the peace of not having alcohol around me.
For me now the main thing will be to avoid going back with him, I think it is natural to think I might do it because of my past ( I have finish like 40 times), but this one feels like the final one. I want to believe that all these years have not being wasted and that I actually learnt a lesson.
I am happy to think that I have cut the line of disfunctional families that preceded me, that is huge!
From my heart I hope he is happy
I hope I can be happy too
I will need a lot of support to mantain my decision, so I will be around here often
Thanks for reading!
And for the support through all these years!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
I donīt know what is in life in the future, for now I want to be totally on my own at least for some time.
but I do know that I will have the peace of not having alcohol around me.
Beth
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 9
Thats great to hear. I recently broke it off as well with my boyfriend, and the only thing that keeps me going is the fact that I have put an end to a bad future. I don't want to raise children with an alcoholic. I do not want to put my parents through my stories and what would probably be a divorce. I have put an end to something that was paving its way to my future. I wasn't raised with alcohol in my house, so why would I want to bring that into my future life?
We deserve to live the life we want for ourselves... And I think thats why we learn these lessons, so now we are firm in what we want.
Its been a week for me since the breakup, but I've enrolled into yoga and bootcamp. I feel the exercise is helping and yoga is more mental but it'll also push me into meeting new people.
Its all about moving forward. Its hard, its not easy - But just push yourself. Its like a hard exercise, you just gotta do it. Forward, forward, next, next. Some days are easier than others, but when you are having a tough day you can write here. Thats why we're all here, for support. <3
We deserve to live the life we want for ourselves... And I think thats why we learn these lessons, so now we are firm in what we want.
Its been a week for me since the breakup, but I've enrolled into yoga and bootcamp. I feel the exercise is helping and yoga is more mental but it'll also push me into meeting new people.
Its all about moving forward. Its hard, its not easy - But just push yourself. Its like a hard exercise, you just gotta do it. Forward, forward, next, next. Some days are easier than others, but when you are having a tough day you can write here. Thats why we're all here, for support. <3
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