transformyself

I've cancelled a family vacation to my dads. We were suppose to leave Monday, but he's just to ******* mean. I feel so much better now that I've made the decision- my hives are gone and I can sleep.

I know how to tell the kids. Feel good about that.

now all that's left is telling my dad. I am trying not to focus on him but rather me. I mean, getting the hell away from his games and blame and BS is the whole point, so why keep worrying about his reaction??

I am thinking of sending him an email that says

Dad- Due to the texts you sent XXX about me, I have cancelled our vacation with you. I also do not want to talk about it for awhile. Thanks.


What do you think of that. i really can't think of anything else to say.

Sueski

That seems reasonable. It's quite to-the-point, and doesn't leave room for debate. Good for you. No coincidence that your hives are gone!

transformyself

Thank you Sueski

I called my best friend, who is such an inspiration. and I sent him an email that said

Dad we've cancelled our trip to Kentucky

and now I"m setting his contact in my phone to go straight to voicemail.

transformyself

Ok I sent it. Then I left for work. Now I'm at the office and he responded. I filed the email away and didn't read it. It makes me feel sick.

laurie6781

You did GOOD!!!!!

The 'feeling sick' is an OLD habitual reaction from you past. Probably triggering a bit of your PTSD. Breathe through it. You know the drill. Take a deep breath, hold until the count of 10, exhale slowly. Repeat 10 times.

You feelings of feeling sick will abate.

Again I say: YOU DID GOOD, VERY GOOD!!!!!! Your recovery is definitely SHINING!!

Love and hugs,

fourmaggie

just thinking...we feel loyal to our parents..and to do this...must have been very difficult for you...

strength to you my friend....
we are learning to set boundaries from these As in our life...~hugs~

wicked

Because he is still your father. And that is what sucks so awfully bad. You are a wonder of a woman and he has ruined any chance of getting to be good friends with you. You cannot trust him.

I waited up until the day my father died to tell me he loved me.
Or, he was proud of me. anything really positive for me to remember.
Nothing. nothing at all.
I am still sad about that.
and he is dead!

These anxious, upsetting, hive producing feelings are so bad, and still you want something from him.
Just when you think, okay, maybe a few days with his grandchildren.
Well, he effed that up royally!
I understand this, and my heart breaks for you.

You will get through this girl. If you got through your childhood, you will get through this. Keep all contact away from you until you can deal with it.
Keep breathing, in and out.
Laurie knows the drill too.

Go to your happy place. Remember who you are and who you want to be.
You have a mission in this life, and that includes your boys.
Leave this mess of a man out of it if you can.
He can come back only when he can be a loving grandfather.
You get to define what that is, no one else.

I am praying for you Warrior Woman.

From my tribe to yours,
Peace serenity and love.

Beth

transformyself

oh wicked this

is really really really what I needed to hear. Thank you for validating me, I've been working so hard to let this go. My step mother- who I adore and is an Angel- called to say she had talked to him and he was going to be calling me and I had to tell her that the only way for me to heal right now is no contact and she was so kind to me.

she said, "well he's got to see there are consequences for his actions:" and was so kind. He doesn't deserve her.

I"m still feeling pretty shaky, but the validation and kindness and support you guys are giving me is so appreciated. Gotta run kids to their last day of school now but love to you all. I can't believe what a mind eff this is. I sure came to the right place for help

wicked

It seems that when I validate you, it works wonders for me too!
Yes, you have been working very hard to let it go.
I do not mean it is bad you want something from him,
I believe it is normal to want a good relationship with your father.
I admit, I have no idea what that would look like, I did not know my father really.

You are having, I believe normal reactions (hives, PTSD) to horribly abnormal treatment.

For him to call your ex and speak badly or less than lovingly and glowingly about you is just mind boggling.
I do not know a good father relationship, but I do know this is so wrong it makes me a little nauseous.

Whenever you need a validation, a hug, or some pumping up to remind you of who the real you is, you know who to ask! You still got my number lady?



Beth

m1k3

That took a lot of guts, good for you!

Your friend,