Aloneinoz

Well i was meant to go to my first AA meeting last night, but instead I used a bad day at work followed by some bad news from back home as an excuse to have a drink. One lead to two, lead to more - Im sure you get the picture.

I failed, yet again.

I think I need to come here more often.

Dee74

I'm not sure you failed exactly Oz - I mean this in the nicest way - but you didn't actually try anything new?

Give it a try - find better ways to deal with bad days, hit those meetings, surf those urges, reach out for help, go home a different way, resist buying grog...make the changes you need to make, and you really can do this

CassieR

Remember to stay strong and keep coming back! It DOES work! Give yourself a break and give it a real, honest try. What have you got to lose?

Nighthawk8820

You didnt fail because you didnt really honestly try. Lets be honest, you used the first cop out you could find (bad day) and grabbed for the bottle. You have to ask yourself how much this means to you? Everyone has bad days, its part of life, but in sobriety you learn to deal with them as a healthy human being. Alcohol is a crutch, and it NEVER helps anything in the long run. You probably already know this, but in this game, you have to be as honest as you can with yourself. You cant BS or make excuses if you really want it to work. You may or may not be at that point yet, which is totally okay, because I think eventually you will be.

When I first started noticing I had a drinking problem, I followed the usual alcoholic routine. I rationalized my drinking by blaming on it on my circumstances. I said I drank to ease my anxiety, and everyone else my age drank just as much as me. I blamed bad days, anxiety, certain anniversaries, you name it...........anything to make it seem okay for me to get bombed. I did this until I felt trapped and started longing for a change. I felt it deep in my soul that I wanted out of the cycle of alcoholism. So, I tried to moderate myself when out drinking. "Ill only have 5 drinks", which almost never worked. If it did, it was sheer luck and never lasted. I tried this more times than I can count, it didn't work. Then I tried supplements that were said to ease hangovers and anxiety, and I tried them all. Anything to not have to stop drinking.........none of them worked.

So, I made a rule, no drinking before 9pm, because only drunks drank in the day time right? Well, 9 moved to 8, and I would spend hours looking at the clock, getting angry it time was moving to slow. I then started breaking my rule, because it was an unrealistic rule for me, being an alcoholic. I didnt recognize this at that time.

So I carried on, blacking out, feeling regret the next day because I threw a glass the night before, or lit a trash can on fire, or texted all my exes asking why they didn't like me...............or posted it on facebook. Things like this, all the time. I didn't even recognize myself and people didn't respond to me how they did when I was on top of my game, and alcohol wasn't in control. I was lonely, sad, FATTER, and barely recognized myself. Life was without joy and the party was OVER. I didn't even try at any of my original life dreams or goals, and hadn't for quite some time. I had lost myself in every way a person can.

The point of all of this is, that for most of us, it takes a lot of different attempts at everything and anything under the sun that will make it so we dont have to stop drinking forever, because that is just too much to ponder.

The fact is, I think its good to do all of this because it gets you to the point where you realize you really only have 2 options. You can keep drinking and stay a prisoner to booze forever, until it most likely kills you and robs you of everything you hold dear.........or you can get proactive, change everything, and come to terms that you just cannot drink, and come up with a plan to make that happen. When and how you get to that point, only time will tell.........but it will happen, I can assure you of that. Try everything you can, until you get to that point as I think its part of the process. I wish you the best of luck, and you can message me if you ever need anything. God bless.

Marcher13

You're not alone in Oz, there are quite a lot of Aussies here, Dee and I for starters. And, as Nighthawk said, you haven't failed because you haven't made a firm start yet. Come here every day, make a plan, put the plan into action and remember you are not alone.

Nuudawn

AA meeting or drinking over a bad day? Wrong choice, that's all. Tomorrow is a new day to make a new choice...a better one.

Michael66

Like others, I would say that if you keep making the same choice, to drink, that you'll keep getting the same result, regret.

There is no easy way in the early days - you have to go through good and bad days without alcohol and there is no magic wand to make it easy. AA, though, will give you support and, more importantly, give you a way of establishing a stable and content sobriety. That will take time though, and you'll need to buckle up for a tough time at first.

Each day comes with it's own choices. Today, choose life. It may not always be the easy choice in the early days, but you need never have the regret of drinking ever again.

God bless +

tabasco

Good luck. Have you been to a meeting before? I didnt for years, thinking it was too much of an admittance. I discovered that after going, acceptance is the first goal of abstinence. I fell of the wagon and down a rabbit hole over the weekend. Awful result. I went to a meeting yesterday and for the first time, truly admitted that my drinking has become alcoholic, and they I must drink, ever! I very hard place to get to, but essential I believe. I am now much more relaxed, happy even, that I have eventually made this life changing decision.
As every one else said, you havnt failed, as you havnt started.

Living

You are not a failure, you relapsed and I have a feeling you are physically feeling it today.

Well guess what, TODAY is a NEW DAY! Make it a sober one.

Nonsensical

Finality is a component of failure. It ain't over. It's far from over. You had a setback. It is unfortunate and can be discouraging, but nearly all of us have had at least one while we were seeking an abstinent life.

Get back in the saddle. You can do this.

heath480

Please don't think you are a failure,start again.

Don't pick up the first drink and get to an AA meeting.

Wishing you well.