transformyself

I didn't speak to him for over 4 years due to his verbal abuse. I have PTSD from my childhood, my mother was physically abusive, he was the verbal abuser and a raging *******. For me, being around my Dad makes me so crazy I can't do it. It triggers my PTSD and I can't parent, or function really.

I was suppose to leave the day after fathers day to go to his house out of state with the kids for a weeks long vacation, but he started texting my alcoholic soon to be ex husband and slamming me, then telling AH not to tell me what he was saying.

I'm not going. **** him. I'll take the kids on vacation somewhere else. Now i"m just wondering what to tell the kids. My biggest fear is that they will blame me (my trigger) and say I'm just fighting with Papa and now they can't go.

I guess it doesn't matter what they think, what matters is that they're not going to be exposed to his abuse. He told my youngest son he looked like "a crack head" last time he was here, because his hair was messy.

Yeah, **** that guy. He has lost the priveledge of seeing his grandsons or me.

I'm trying to get this trigger down. Does anyone else have PTSD from their childhood and massive anxiety?

thanks for listening. I usually post in friends and family, I hope I get some responses.

ACOAHappyNow

Because I just don't enjoy contact at all. And it's time we take care of ourselves, not the addicts and NPD people we've always taken care of.

Mracoa

PTSD - Check
Anxiety - Check

Yeah, it comes with the territory. Can't shake the feeling, but I have gotten better at controlling my reaction to it. (most of the time).

happybeingme

That behavior is not okay. Not only should the kids not be exposed to verbal abuse, they shouldnt be a witness to you being abused either.
I stopped letting my kids see my dad when I noticed he was treating them as he treated me. My oldest son was being held responsible not only for his behavior,but his brother and younger cousins too. No way.

Kepp yourself and the kids away from him. Just because he was partially responsible for your birth doesnt mean he has a right to treat you anyway he wants nor does it make him a dad.

Kialua

Yes, absolutely keep the kids away from him now and forever. No more than an hour for special events. Be busy, keep them busy. I had a very light casual relationship with my alcoholic dad and never allowed my kids to grow a relationship past hi and goodbye. As we've seen with other members, and as you have just shown, the alcoholic will and can drive a wedge between you and your kids if you are not proactive.

GingerM

Anxiety - medicated for it. Yup. Not quite crippling in my case, but not far from it until I went on meds. I fought the medication route for many years before figuring I'd try it and if it worked, then maybe I'd weigh out the risks vs. rewards. Far more rewards for me than risks.

And I'm in total agreement with everyone above. If you won't/can't stay away for your own sake, certainly you can keep your kids insulated from the insanity. There is nothing wrong and everything healthy in removing yourself and your offspring from the presence of toxic people.

EveningRose

I can relate to all of it. I have been NC with my family for about 4 or 5 years now. Can't even remember, really. PTSD? I don't know. I would say no, and yet I went for counseling with a therapist who uses EMDR--which is typically used for PTSD. It helped a lot. She declared me healthy several years ago ;-) but I think I should maybe go back.

My family also does this stuff with my XH. He likes to stay on good terms with them, so he's done things like take the kids to their place for the Fourth and flat out lied to me about it. I know my family has given him an earful now and then about what they think of me. I know my family sympathizes with him in the divorce and tells people I'm imagining things, that none of the lies and other women actually happened. (How they think they know the private details of my marriage is beyond me.)

I, too, feel I became a better parent by going NC. But sadly, my kids do blame me. I've heard a few comments about how I 'fight with people.' (Fact is, I have no problems with people out in the rest of the world.) My kids are angry that we don't spend holidays with them. (Sorry, two years in a row of being screamed at is enough, but the kids don't seem to see beyond what they want, sadly.)

I do feel my older kids, who continue to go visit them on their own, have been poisoned by my family's negative talk about me. And I feel stuck. At their ages, I didn't feel I could tell them no. But then, thinking back, my daughter was 16. Yes, I could have said no to her taking my car to visit them. But I felt so much pressure from the cumulative weight of my family's accusations, I let her. :-( As a result (I believe), she has exposed herself enough to the family dysfunction that she's taking similar attitudes, that I'm just a trouble maker, that I'm just wrong on every subject, that anyone can talk to me as they please and make any demand they please and my job is to say, "Yes, right away!"

You are wise to keep your kids away from them.

Best of luck to you.

m1k3

Oh yeah, been there, done that and bought the T-shirt.

My dad has been dead about 10 years and I still think he is a douche. And the bag it came in.

Your friend,

Mirage74

Yea, I've never been diagnosed with PTSD, but I think I may have it. I come from a dysfunctional family too. They drive me crazy, all team up against me. Hang in there