A close call.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Cardiff
Posts: 144
A close call.
Hi All,
In the spirit of being honest and above board with my fellow SR buddies just wanted to say what happened or almost happened on the weekend.
My wife had a weekend away with her girlfriends and I was left at home minding the kids. In years gone by I would have normally treated such a weekend as an opportunity to drink excessively without anyone giving me grief. Things are different these days, soberish (1 day blip) for 9 months so I had no intention of drinking, or so I thought.
After spending a long hot day with two toddlers who were driving me mad with tantrums and squabbles by the end of the day I was literally gagging for a beer. On my way home from a childrens farm park I stopped at the supermarket to pick up some food. As I was on my own I decided to treat myself to a steak with all the trimmings. All the way around the store I kept thinking about a cold beer, I really wanted one, the craving was so strong. Somehow, i don't know how, I managed to stay focused and resist temptation and I left the store with just my steak.
Once I had managed to get the kids bathed and off to bed it started getting late and I was tired and stressed out. My wife had left a list of jobs that needed doing like water the garden, put out the rubbish, make the bolognese sauce etc etc. It was almost too much to bear, I was so tired that I did not want to do any of it and now I was mad at the kids and my wife! So picture the scene I'm at home, its hot, I'm tired, really pissed off and there is booze in the cupboard. How I did not succumb to drink I do not know. There is obviously something deep inside me that is strong and even under immense pressure I did not break, but honestly guys it was a real close call. When I was making the bolognese I even had to add red wine to the sauce! I made a pact with myself that if I did all my jobs I would have just one glass of red wine (why would I do that? what's wrong with me!?).
I did all my jobs. I cleaned the house and made the bloody sauce. I had my steak, which was lovely
And then, I picked up the bottle of red wine and put back in cupboard. I poured myself a diet coke with ice and lemon, then took a deep breath and relaxed, I'd made it, I had got through it, just.
My wife now is going away tomorrow for 4 nights to a European conference. Think I might be posting quite a bit over the next few days!
This is the first time in sobriety that I have been faced with the challenge of massive temptation. Not just any temptation either because even if i did drink no one would even know, its like having a free pass to the dark side.
Wish me luck guys.
Sneeker
In the spirit of being honest and above board with my fellow SR buddies just wanted to say what happened or almost happened on the weekend.
My wife had a weekend away with her girlfriends and I was left at home minding the kids. In years gone by I would have normally treated such a weekend as an opportunity to drink excessively without anyone giving me grief. Things are different these days, soberish (1 day blip) for 9 months so I had no intention of drinking, or so I thought.
After spending a long hot day with two toddlers who were driving me mad with tantrums and squabbles by the end of the day I was literally gagging for a beer. On my way home from a childrens farm park I stopped at the supermarket to pick up some food. As I was on my own I decided to treat myself to a steak with all the trimmings. All the way around the store I kept thinking about a cold beer, I really wanted one, the craving was so strong. Somehow, i don't know how, I managed to stay focused and resist temptation and I left the store with just my steak.
Once I had managed to get the kids bathed and off to bed it started getting late and I was tired and stressed out. My wife had left a list of jobs that needed doing like water the garden, put out the rubbish, make the bolognese sauce etc etc. It was almost too much to bear, I was so tired that I did not want to do any of it and now I was mad at the kids and my wife! So picture the scene I'm at home, its hot, I'm tired, really pissed off and there is booze in the cupboard. How I did not succumb to drink I do not know. There is obviously something deep inside me that is strong and even under immense pressure I did not break, but honestly guys it was a real close call. When I was making the bolognese I even had to add red wine to the sauce! I made a pact with myself that if I did all my jobs I would have just one glass of red wine (why would I do that? what's wrong with me!?).
I did all my jobs. I cleaned the house and made the bloody sauce. I had my steak, which was lovely
And then, I picked up the bottle of red wine and put back in cupboard. I poured myself a diet coke with ice and lemon, then took a deep breath and relaxed, I'd made it, I had got through it, just.
My wife now is going away tomorrow for 4 nights to a European conference. Think I might be posting quite a bit over the next few days!
This is the first time in sobriety that I have been faced with the challenge of massive temptation. Not just any temptation either because even if i did drink no one would even know, its like having a free pass to the dark side.
Wish me luck guys.
Sneeker
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: London
Posts: 122
You must put all the alcohol the sink now, while you are strong to do it. It doesnt matter, the cost, the cost to your life is far greater. Pour it all away and smile as you do it. Please let us know you poured it all away.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: CAPE COD, MA
Posts: 1,020
Hi. I found out early on that I had to be honest with MYSELF first. AA is my life saver and has a saying of don't be Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired = HALT. These conditions are triggers to drink and only one is needed to be a trigger. I personally couldn't imagine any sanity involved even considering to drink with ANY children in my care. BE WELL
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
What would you change? i assume you are familar with the ideas of Rational recovery/ AVRT
i used to get stuck in when my wife was away. After the first time i had a deeper understanding that it is my recovery no one elses. Its just me and alcohol.
i used to get stuck in when my wife was away. After the first time i had a deeper understanding that it is my recovery no one elses. Its just me and alcohol.
Nothing is impossible!
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: EAGAN
Posts: 792
Originally Posted by whatsgoingon 
Hi All,
In the spirit of being honest and above board with my fellow SR buddies just wanted to say what happened or almost happened on the weekend.
My wife had a weekend away with her girlfriends and I was left at home minding the kids. In years gone by I would have normally treated such a weekend as an opportunity to drink excessively without anyone giving me grief. Things are different these days, soberish (1 day blip) for 9 months so I had no intention of drinking, or so I thought.
After spending a long hot day with two toddlers who were driving me mad with tantrums and squabbles by the end of the day I was literally gagging for a beer. On my way home from a childrens farm park I stopped at the supermarket to pick up some food. As I was on my own I decided to treat myself to a steak with all the trimmings. All the way around the store I kept thinking about a cold beer, I really wanted one, the craving was so strong. Somehow, i don't know how, I managed to stay focused and resist temptation and I left the store with just my steak.
Once I had managed to get the kids bathed and off to bed it started getting late and I was tired and stressed out. My wife had left a list of jobs that needed doing like water the garden, put out the rubbish, make the bolognese sauce etc etc. It was almost too much to bear, I was so tired that I did not want to do any of it and now I was mad at the kids and my wife! So picture the scene I'm at home, its hot, I'm tired, really pissed off and there is booze in the cupboard. How I did not succumb to drink I do not know. There is obviously something deep inside me that is strong and even under immense pressure I did not break, but honestly guys it was a real close call. When I was making the bolognese I even had to add red wine to the sauce! I made a pact with myself that if I did all my jobs I would have just one glass of red wine (why would I do that? what's wrong with me!?).
I did all my jobs. I cleaned the house and made the bloody sauce. I had my steak, which was lovely
And then, I picked up the bottle of red wine and put back in cupboard. I poured myself a diet coke with ice and lemon, then took a deep breath and relaxed, I'd made it, I had got through it, just.
My wife now is going away tomorrow for 4 nights to a European conference. Think I might be posting quite a bit over the next few days!
This is the first time in sobriety that I have been faced with the challenge of massive temptation. Not just any temptation either because even if i did drink no one would even know, its like having a free pass to the dark side.
Wish me luck guys.
Sneeker
In the spirit of being honest and above board with my fellow SR buddies just wanted to say what happened or almost happened on the weekend.
My wife had a weekend away with her girlfriends and I was left at home minding the kids. In years gone by I would have normally treated such a weekend as an opportunity to drink excessively without anyone giving me grief. Things are different these days, soberish (1 day blip) for 9 months so I had no intention of drinking, or so I thought.
After spending a long hot day with two toddlers who were driving me mad with tantrums and squabbles by the end of the day I was literally gagging for a beer. On my way home from a childrens farm park I stopped at the supermarket to pick up some food. As I was on my own I decided to treat myself to a steak with all the trimmings. All the way around the store I kept thinking about a cold beer, I really wanted one, the craving was so strong. Somehow, i don't know how, I managed to stay focused and resist temptation and I left the store with just my steak.
Once I had managed to get the kids bathed and off to bed it started getting late and I was tired and stressed out. My wife had left a list of jobs that needed doing like water the garden, put out the rubbish, make the bolognese sauce etc etc. It was almost too much to bear, I was so tired that I did not want to do any of it and now I was mad at the kids and my wife! So picture the scene I'm at home, its hot, I'm tired, really pissed off and there is booze in the cupboard. How I did not succumb to drink I do not know. There is obviously something deep inside me that is strong and even under immense pressure I did not break, but honestly guys it was a real close call. When I was making the bolognese I even had to add red wine to the sauce! I made a pact with myself that if I did all my jobs I would have just one glass of red wine (why would I do that? what's wrong with me!?).
I did all my jobs. I cleaned the house and made the bloody sauce. I had my steak, which was lovely
And then, I picked up the bottle of red wine and put back in cupboard. I poured myself a diet coke with ice and lemon, then took a deep breath and relaxed, I'd made it, I had got through it, just.
My wife now is going away tomorrow for 4 nights to a European conference. Think I might be posting quite a bit over the next few days!
This is the first time in sobriety that I have been faced with the challenge of massive temptation. Not just any temptation either because even if i did drink no one would even know, its like having a free pass to the dark side.
Wish me luck guys.
Sneeker
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Cardiff
Posts: 144
Thanks for the all replys.
I will try and respond to all in this post to make the thread easier to follow.
Tabasco - There is not much booze left in the house, only some dodgy liquor that we brought back from holiday that tastes revolting so I wont want that. My biggest problem is not the booze in the house its the 24 hr supermarket that's around the corner.
Visch1 - Great acronym! HALT, I will remember that. Funny how I had practically all those triggers on the weekend! No wonder I was close to breaking point. With regards to my children they are not at any risk. I love my kids to bits and would never put them in a position where I was unable to care for them. I understand your concern but I am not that bad where I would put myself or anyone else in danger through my drinking. You dont know me but you'll just have to take my word for that. I'm hoping that I will be strong enough this week to continue being sober and I think I will. A lot of what I have achieved over the past year with becoming sober and dealing with depression is because I want to be a good dad and husband, hopefully I am.
Instant - What would I change? Good question I had never thought about that. What would you suggest? How can I make this week different to the times before when my wife went away? The biggest problem for me is that I will be housebound because the kids will be in bed so I cant escape to the gym. I will have plenty to keep me occupied judging by the list my dear wife left last weekend! I could spend the time making lots of meals to freeze, I could download some new music and arrange some new play lists on my I-phone, I could catch up with some friends over the phone and I can watch all the stuff on tv that my wife hates!
Oh by the way, I have no idea what AVRT is or rational recovery.
Thanks
Sneeker.
I will try and respond to all in this post to make the thread easier to follow.
Tabasco - There is not much booze left in the house, only some dodgy liquor that we brought back from holiday that tastes revolting so I wont want that. My biggest problem is not the booze in the house its the 24 hr supermarket that's around the corner.
Visch1 - Great acronym! HALT, I will remember that. Funny how I had practically all those triggers on the weekend! No wonder I was close to breaking point. With regards to my children they are not at any risk. I love my kids to bits and would never put them in a position where I was unable to care for them. I understand your concern but I am not that bad where I would put myself or anyone else in danger through my drinking. You dont know me but you'll just have to take my word for that. I'm hoping that I will be strong enough this week to continue being sober and I think I will. A lot of what I have achieved over the past year with becoming sober and dealing with depression is because I want to be a good dad and husband, hopefully I am.
Instant - What would I change? Good question I had never thought about that. What would you suggest? How can I make this week different to the times before when my wife went away? The biggest problem for me is that I will be housebound because the kids will be in bed so I cant escape to the gym. I will have plenty to keep me occupied judging by the list my dear wife left last weekend! I could spend the time making lots of meals to freeze, I could download some new music and arrange some new play lists on my I-phone, I could catch up with some friends over the phone and I can watch all the stuff on tv that my wife hates!
Oh by the way, I have no idea what AVRT is or rational recovery.
Thanks
Sneeker.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Here's what I noticed. You let the stress and pressure and resentment build up until, in your mind, drinking was the only option.
That's how my mind operated. In early recovery I sought out an excuse to drink by over-reacting to the everyday pressures. I've learned to do two things--1) not to get overly stressed about things and 2) I don't let the cravings take the reins and start galloping down the road of relapse.
Enjoy the time with your kids.
That's how my mind operated. In early recovery I sought out an excuse to drink by over-reacting to the everyday pressures. I've learned to do two things--1) not to get overly stressed about things and 2) I don't let the cravings take the reins and start galloping down the road of relapse.
Enjoy the time with your kids.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Cardiff
Posts: 144
Hey Guys, struggling a bit this week.
My wife as has been away on a conference and its the first time in my sobriety that I have been left at home alone. As yet I have not cracked but I have come really close. I have done 2 nights and I have another 2 nights to go before she comes back. I did not realise before she went that her being around was one of the main things that kept me sober.
Also this is one of the first times I have experienced the infamous 'alcoholic voice' trying to trick me at every opportunity. It first snuck up on me Tuesday night just like an old friend and was casually saying 'C'mon lets get a couple beers, it will go really well with the jerk chicken'. I managed to convince myself that I really did not need to venture out in the rain just to get beers and then I had a weird thought and my 'av' was saying 'go check the cupboards to see what booze is about'. It was at that point I realised it it was my craving, my irrational addiction that was talking. I quickly snapped out of it and breathed a sigh of relief. The voice though wont go away and periodically through out the day I keep tempting myself with trips to the supermarket to get beer. Last night I was yet again so close to just getting a beer, I got through it but only just. Today my AV is getting desperate and even though I now know it is my addiction talking its getting totally desperate and saying 'Look, ok you have a problem and yes this your addiction talking but do yourself a favour and just have a beer for Gods sake, it will stop the craving and you can get back on the wagon tomorrow'.
Crazy stuff, crazy thoughts and a constant battle.
My wife as has been away on a conference and its the first time in my sobriety that I have been left at home alone. As yet I have not cracked but I have come really close. I have done 2 nights and I have another 2 nights to go before she comes back. I did not realise before she went that her being around was one of the main things that kept me sober.
Also this is one of the first times I have experienced the infamous 'alcoholic voice' trying to trick me at every opportunity. It first snuck up on me Tuesday night just like an old friend and was casually saying 'C'mon lets get a couple beers, it will go really well with the jerk chicken'. I managed to convince myself that I really did not need to venture out in the rain just to get beers and then I had a weird thought and my 'av' was saying 'go check the cupboards to see what booze is about'. It was at that point I realised it it was my craving, my irrational addiction that was talking. I quickly snapped out of it and breathed a sigh of relief. The voice though wont go away and periodically through out the day I keep tempting myself with trips to the supermarket to get beer. Last night I was yet again so close to just getting a beer, I got through it but only just. Today my AV is getting desperate and even though I now know it is my addiction talking its getting totally desperate and saying 'Look, ok you have a problem and yes this your addiction talking but do yourself a favour and just have a beer for Gods sake, it will stop the craving and you can get back on the wagon tomorrow'.
Crazy stuff, crazy thoughts and a constant battle.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Your battle with the beer was so admirable. It was an inspiration, a story I will tell myself when I need to - the physical actions you took were amazing to me. Actually having an open bottle of wine in front of you and not just chugging it down? It's funny how to an alcoholic that truly is an incredible feat. You should be proud.
I know too that intense desire when the wife leaves to get yourself nice and tight. I feel it all the time. Even tonight I know she's at work late, so all I want to be is skunk drunk on the couch.
I hope you get through these days. If it helps at all, a stranger in NYC is rooting for you.
I know too that intense desire when the wife leaves to get yourself nice and tight. I feel it all the time. Even tonight I know she's at work late, so all I want to be is skunk drunk on the couch.
I hope you get through these days. If it helps at all, a stranger in NYC is rooting for you.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by whatsgoingon
Today my AV is getting desperate and even though I now know it is my addiction talking its getting totally desperate and saying 'Look, ok you have a problem and yes this your addiction talking but do yourself a favour and just have a beer for Gods sake, it will stop the craving and you can get back on the wagon tomorrow'.
Drinking is totally not worth it for the slight relief of shutting up your AV. The only way to truely shut it up is to quit and stay committed to quiting. Then the AV will start to leave you alone.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 226
Good on you for dodging the bullet. But if that bottle of holiday liquor is dodgy why not dump it anyway? Decluttering and symbolic gesture all in one.
Good on you too for learning to stand on your own without your wife, it'll make the next time you're alone, out and about without her, tempted, etc easier to quiet your urges. Ultimately we can't rely on anyone else for our actions.
Good on you too for learning to stand on your own without your wife, it'll make the next time you're alone, out and about without her, tempted, etc easier to quiet your urges. Ultimately we can't rely on anyone else for our actions.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: NE Wisconsin USA
Posts: 6,223
time to get rid of the bottle...this time you literally got away with picking it up, looking at it, thinking about it, stowing in cupboard....next time?
call up a sober friend invite them over for steak
call up a sober friend invite them over for steak
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Man don't I know what you are talking about. I have 10 bazillions reasons to drink today. Maybe even 11. It's 11:00 am and I'm already fighting tonight at 5:00 pm.
I know for sure I will not cook dinner tonight because that is my huge trigger....
Maybe a movie ?
I know for sure I will not cook dinner tonight because that is my huge trigger....
Maybe a movie ?
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,360
Originally Posted by Mizzuno
You are doing well. Remember why you quit in the first place and if that doesnt work and you still want to drink, go and read my post on March 11 or so....Its a real winner!
We are here for you. Please keep posting!
We are here for you. Please keep posting!
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Hey there..sorry to hear your struggling. I remember one of your posts when I first came back to these boards about a week and a half ago. You has posted something about your two profiles...wanted to be identified as Sneeker as that was your original handle and that "covert behaviour" was somehow part of your addiction.
So your wife's away and your AV is jumping up and down like a 5 year old having a temper tantrum for attention. I suppose it's worse because somehow you think you can get away with it and she won't know?
YOU will know. As Doggonecarl alludes to...that AV will abandon you after is A**kicks you. It will try every trick in the book to have its way because you're the one with the arms and legs and wallet. Don't let it make you its biotch ..you know how that story ends.
So your wife's away and your AV is jumping up and down like a 5 year old having a temper tantrum for attention. I suppose it's worse because somehow you think you can get away with it and she won't know?
YOU will know. As Doggonecarl alludes to...that AV will abandon you after is A**kicks you. It will try every trick in the book to have its way because you're the one with the arms and legs and wallet. Don't let it make you its biotch ..you know how that story ends.
now's the time
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
I think you're going to get through this and be so proud that you were able to do it for yourself. This is a huge opportunity! You mention that you didn't even realize how much you were relying on your wife. So it sounds kind of perfect... you leaned on her to get started. Now you've put in tons of work and you're a lot stronger, and you have a chance to demonstrate to yourself that you can do it on your own.
You're already halfway there! We're rooting for you!
You're already halfway there! We're rooting for you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Cardiff
Posts: 144
Originally Posted by Nuudawn
Hey there..sorry to hear your struggling. I remember one of your posts when I first came back to these boards about a week and a half ago. You has posted something about your two profiles...wanted to be identified as Sneeker as that was your original handle and that "covert behaviour" was somehow part of your addiction.
So your wife's away and your AV is jumping up and down like a 5 year old having a temper tantrum for attention. I suppose it's worse because somehow you think you can get away with it and she won't know?
YOU will know. As Doggonecarl alludes to...that AV will abandon you after is A**kicks you. It will try every trick in the book to have its way because you're the one with the arms and legs and wallet. Don't let it make you its biotch ..you know how that story ends.
So your wife's away and your AV is jumping up and down like a 5 year old having a temper tantrum for attention. I suppose it's worse because somehow you think you can get away with it and she won't know?
YOU will know. As Doggonecarl alludes to...that AV will abandon you after is A**kicks you. It will try every trick in the book to have its way because you're the one with the arms and legs and wallet. Don't let it make you its biotch ..you know how that story ends.
Well guys, so far so good tonight. I still fancy a beer but realistically there is not much chance of me getting one. On a scale of 1 to 10 of needing a drink I'm on about a 4. Last night I was nearer 8 and practically climbing the walls.
Thanks everyone for your support.
Sneeker.
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