1stthingsfirst

I realized after my last bender that it just wasn't possible for me to moderate, no matter how much I thought I could return to social drinking.

Since then, I have heard this adage from several people here at SR, that once you cross the line to alcohol dependence, there is no going back. I heard that bit of wisdom also last night on a television program.

I was watching a very sad episode of Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares (seriously, don't laugh) in which a failing family restaurant was being sunk into further demise by an alcoholic son who is the head chef. I surprised my husband by calling it out before his condition was discovered on the show. (He thought I was personalizing the show, but I said, "It takes one, to know one"). Fast forward - the guy goes cold turkey after his secret is found out, collapses, is diagnosed with liver failure as they address the rampant problem with chefs and alcohol/substance abuse. Gordon spoke with a recovering chef/addict who says that it is impossible for people to return to social drinking after they have crossed "that" line.

The chef then stated to Gordon that he would only drink after his work shift. I thought, why is he drinking at all?

I was interested to see if the guy was still alive and did a little cyberstalking. It appears that he has been in and out of rehab since and has lost a lot of his teeth even though he is in his thirties. Tragic. Especially when I see the misguided optimism in his ability to drink in moderation in myself and many of us here.

What are your thoughts on this? Is it truly impossible to return to social drinking after you have crossed "that" line? Just understand I am coming from a place of academic curiosity and I fully understand that social/moderate drinking is not possible for me. I can never ever drink again.

Dee74

I just know it's not possible for me, mainly because I don't think I ever drank 'normally'...

D

1stthingsfirst

I guess that is my question. On the whole, I think I drank normally/socially for most of my life, but admittedly, a bit heavier than most. Or perhaps my idea of "normal" is not...

Dee74

I thought it was normal to drink to oblivion.
Turns out that's not the case lol

D

Soberpotamus

I don't think it's crossing a line so much as its a genetic predisposition to alcoholism that is set in motion. After having read the science of addiction and such, I'm convinced I've long since crossed any line of normal functioning... And I'm what they call a high bottom drinker. There's not a doubt in my mind I have a disorder (or disease) that is progressive in nature. So it makes sense and is imperative that I never drink alcohol again.

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Nuudawn

I suppose nothing is absolute..but I don't think it's likely because it is my belief alcohol is processed differently in the liver of an alcoholic than a non-alcoholic. I believe changes would have to occur physiologically not just emotionally...like one's entire interior circuitry would have to be re-wired.
I was about 17 the first time I got hammered. I was underage in a bar. I started out with a white wine spritzer..and before you know it, I was drinking out of stranger's drinks and making out with some guy with a blonde mohawk on the dancefloor.
Alcohol did not become problematic for me until years later
I had an alcoholic reaction..the first time...yet I kept drinking.

1stthingsfirst

Well, geez... when you put it that way, I can see where I have gone wrong, too :P

My first drunk was at 15. I blacked out on peppermint schnapps and yet, I kept drinking. Cannot stand hard liquor to this day. Time for some self reflection, I guess.

BrokenBottles

I've always had a tendency to overindulge, but I've also had long stints where I drank "normally". I do tend to drink heavily when I do, so I'm sure I'll never be normal.

Nuudawn

You know I remember back in highschool at a party where I was not drinking. I remember being disgusted by this gal I knew (who was normally sweet a pie and quite religious)...she'd had a little to drink and became a complete trollop..making out with guys and being an idiot..

I still know that gal today. She is an extremely successful woman. She NEVER drank again after that night. She learned the first time what alcohol did to her. I did not.
I didn't think about that until just this minute.

Rennet

For me I don't think there was ever a line to cross. I just can't handle alcohol responsibly. Much like growing up I couldn't "handle" sugar responsibly.. give me a bag of candy, no matter how big I will finish the entire thing. There's just a "go" response in my brain that doesn't shut off once I get going.

The only line I crossed was the one that led to a fork in the road--death or sobriety. I thought this way in the abstract for years, but eventually when creepy health stuff starts to pop up it becomes more clear that yes, liver damage can happen to me too.

instant

I think once you get cravings if you drink, thats it. I always chased a buzz. I think normies dislike the feeeling and stop.

doggonecarl

I say yes. But, as you've noted, it doesn't seem to stop some recovering alcoholics from trying, over and over again. We yearn to be "normal" drinkers, guided by our warped view of what normal drinking entails.

That's the insanity of alcoholism.

soberclover

I also believe that it is not possible to return to social drinking. As doggonecarl said, we have all tried it.....unsuccessfully. I know in my heart that I cannot drink again. While it still makes me sad, mad, on and on....I know that my life will be much longer and better if I stop dancing on "the line".

Nonsensical

I don't believe anyone who has progressed as far in addiction as I have can ever go back to being a moderate drinker. If there's a "line", I am over it, and it was a one-way ticket.

Anna

The first time I heard that phrase was from Betty Ford, and it was long before I started drinking. But, the phrase stuck in my head because I have so much admiration for her. It's really hard to accept that it's true, but I know it is.

exponential

I think alcohol dependence is something you are born with, and you either have it or you don't. The way the illness manifests itself in each person's life can be very different however. Some hit bottom at 23, others at 53.

A moderate drinker is happy after 1 or 2 drinks; they don't see any reason to have any more, and are perfectly fine with just letting the effects wear off. The dependent drinker doesn't want the effects to wear off, and so continues to feed the blood alcohol level compulsively. Intoxication is likely. I think if you have this tendency you will always have it, and it is indeed baffling how long it can take to recognize and accept this. For me, it took years, and even today I have no guarantee that I will never find a flimsy excuse to have "just one."

Hevyn

Hi 1stthings - good topic.

No, I couldn't return to social drinking - and oh how I tried. Wanted to much to not let go of it even as it was slowly destroying me.

I'll have to look for that episode of KN - my husband's a chef & says alcoholism is a huge problem in the food service biz.

Nuudawn

I would have to concur Hevyn..since I'm in the food service industry (love your Emerson quote BTW).

I'm always shocked when folks don't finish their drink...(e.g leave half a glass of wine on the table etc.) I always think, wow what a waste. I don't not have that same reaction when they leave half a soda. I notice it in the restaurant and I notice it on television. I imagine normal drinkers think no more of leaving liquor than leaving soda.

Gosh maybe health nuts don't leave water in the glass.

Basta

I am a newbie, 8 days sober.
Could someone please tell what a bender is?

Hopefully some one has a funny answer.
I need a good laugh right now.

pattyj

A friend of mine was in AA for 5 years and then decided that he could drink normally again. When he does drink, it's not one or two, it's 10 or 15. He walks to the bars instead of driving to avoid more DUIs. And his blood pressure is through the roof again as well as his weight. I don't think that this is drinking 'normally'. He may not be out of control like he was but he is still an alcoholic whether he wants to call it that or not.

In IOP, they tell us to think through the craving. You remember all the good times when you were drinking but you have to think to the end when you got to the point of quitting. Those good times are gone. Think of how good you feel sober, why would you want to put that into jeopardy?

A glass or two might be great. But I look and feel fantastic sober. And it was never one or two glasses for me; it was a couple of fifths.