DaddyWolf

Hello,

I have not posted in some time. But I have been reading and learning (and gaining strength ) from so many of you.

So my AW lit a towel on fire and nearly started a kitchen grease fire. Normally this would be a bad thing! But something clicked... simultaneously in my two boys and me.

The "click" was complete solidarity.

The day following her kitchen disaster, AW went out of town. During that time, the three of us talked and strategized and made some tough decisions.

When she returned, I informed her that we are leaving. We are getting everything arranged. I know it will take sometime to find a new residence... and many heavy push-ups remain. But the boys and I (though we are sad for her) are releived. Its been a long time since I have felt true relief!

CompletelyLost4

Big push-ups ahead, yes - but that feeling of relief. . .isn't that great!?! You are doing what is best for your boys, and for YOU! Getting out of that house will only bring more relief, peace, and healing to you and your children.

Will there be bumps in the road? Yep. My new motto is what doesn't kill you makes you stronger! I've experienced some bumpy days recently, but at night I go to sleep at peace. It is a wonderful thing.

Best of luck on your new journey!

Aeryn

Good for you for having the strength.

I separated from my AH (STBXAH) about a year ago so I know how tough that step can be. Remember you only need to go one step at a time. I'm just now (a year later) moving into a place in my name only (when we separated we just moved into our two separate residences).

Just a little side note - I'm an adult child of an alcoholic and I have horrible memories about my mom (she was a severe codependent - the disease really does spread to the entire family as it gets worse) setting grease fires in the kitchen more than once (the fire department even came once) so I know how traumatic that can be - good for you for doing what's best for you and your boys. I wish my mom had had the strength to step away like you are - I can't imagine how different my childhood would have been.

When you're done you're done.

Lulu39

Mine started fires too. Burned the kitchen down one night. Two, fire trucks, the cops, an ambulance and a trip to the hospital. No kitchen for 6 months.

You'd think he would have learned after the first fire but nooooo. He set plastic cutting boards on fire two times after the first fire. I was asleep but heard the smoke alarms. The next day he blew me and my questions about the smoke alarms off (after carefully trying to hide the burned stuff in the garbage) - I was overreacting. Besides, doesn't everyone accidentally set stuff on fire? It's a common occurrence right?

Jazzman

She can't leave?

BtheChange

Daddywolf, so glad you are feeling some relief! I think you are right on in including the children in the details of the changes in their lives as much as you can.

Also, Jazzman, I love your subheading and location--I'm starting my day with a smile now!

sunnshinegirl

Good for you DaddyWolf. You are an inspiration to me.

FireSprite

Wow, way to go for you AND your boys. This part of your post brought tears to my eyes..... as an ACoA who is still healing past a lot of the unintended wounds of that kind of childhood, this is a HUGE thing for your kids future development, IMO. HUGE.

DaddyWolf

SINCERELY -Thank you! All of you!!

I knew I would have feelings of doubt... "Am I.. are we doing the right thing?"

I know we will stick with our plans. But your responses are such wonderful support!

Jazzman, to your question; "She can't leave?"
We decided not to place demands on her. Thus, we are not allowing her any control.

Florence

happybeingme

As a mom and recovering alcoholic myself I wish my husband had left me. He and our sons would have had so much less pain. So, I say smart move.
Single parenthood can be scary but can definitely be done successfully. Just always keep the communication lines open between yourself and the boys.

fedup3

You're boys are blessed to have a DAD like you! I'm certain the peace your boys are feeling right now that you have taken over the uncertainty in their life with their mother can not be measured. Way to go dad.

CentralOhioDad

DW,

I have a great deal of admiration for you and what you did for your boys.

Congratulations.

C-OH Dad _

unsureoffuture

You made a tough decision but one that feels right for you and your boys. You are doing what is best for all of you. It has become a dangerous situation and one day your boys will thank you when they are old enough to understand. You can do it!

I am right behind you. I am in the process of making plans to leave too.

Bluegalangal

The kids and I left, and I'm still wondering, and trying to get used to not living in fear. But thank you for articulating why we left... Everyone keeps asking me, and it is hard to answer... But you answered it.

Hugs and congratulations.

wiscsober

DaddyWolf as you know and what people are posting here you did the right thing. You and the boys made the decision instead of it being made for you. You are living in the solution.

This is about you and the boys now. Not about her illness or actions. You set strict boundaries, and defined what is acceptable to you, and as a father.

We talk and must act about protecting the children. It is fantastic they were part of the decision.


You and the boys will do well!!!

Sueski

My alcoholic stepfather died in a kitchen fire. You are so right to leave. Way simpler to remove the three of you from the situation than try to force it the other way.

Bravo. Well done.

tigger11

The worst my AH has done is hallucinate that a plane crashed in the field beside our house, complete with cops interviewing him, body parts being pulled out and other lovely stuff. While he has burned food, he hasn't set anything on fire. Yet.

If she's a danger to you and your children, you're absolutely doing the right thing. I agree with everybody else. Go in peace and safety!