New parent of AD
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 35
New parent of AD
I am just beginning this journey of recovery for me. My addicted daughter is barely 18 but life has been getting more and more unmanageable for three years. I knew she was on a path- but everyone around me told me I was over reacting and that it was just "youthful exuberance." I guess from the outside it looked ok but it didn't feel OK to me from the inside. I mean our family looks great "on paper". Two loving parents with successful careers, a nice house in a nice suburban area, two nice kids, no history of addiction. But she was risk-taking far beyond what was normal for her age and our "nice" family just kept getting messier and messier. I took her to counseling, to a psychiatrist. She's such a savvy liar it was no use. Now, at 18 she's been arrested, homeless, highly sexually risky with consequences of that. She uses anything anyone puts in front of her. Alcohol, absynthe,marijuana, hallucinogens, ecstasy, cocaine, cough syrup, salvia, Xanax....and that's just what we know about.
It has come to the final straw: leave with no more financial support from us or enroll in rehab. She enrolled in outpatient but is recalcitrant, angry, calls it "your rehab", and says her life is absolutely manageable.
Ive been doing better over the past 6 months on the co-dependency/enabling behaviors of my own. I still rescue or want to rescue too much, but Im doing much better. Right now, I feel a little hostage to her rehab, since I'm driving her four days a week, plus doing the family sessions for two days. (She cant be allowed to drive one of our cars- way too risky-- so i become driver). She is hostile and extremely unpleasant saying she's been "forced" into rehab. In a way this is true but she has a choice of not going and figuring out how to live on her own, so I am not accepting her accusations in that regard. I guess as long as she is going, I support her in the effort and I drive, despite that she says she is only going because we are making her. At some level she must know she needs it or she wouldn't go, right? Or do we say she has to take a bus to get to rehab? Are we enabling by driving someone who says they don't want to go- don't have a problem- is only going to keep the possibility of $$ and financial support?
I'm starting al-anon myself, doing the codependency group provided through her rehab program. I am at step 1 and completely admit that I am powerless over my AD and my life is unmanageable. Trying to figure out what powerless means. Where the lines are. What's support, what's enabling, what's trying to control behavior for my preferred outcome(s).
Glad to have found this site. I've gotten a great deal out of it already.
It has come to the final straw: leave with no more financial support from us or enroll in rehab. She enrolled in outpatient but is recalcitrant, angry, calls it "your rehab", and says her life is absolutely manageable.
Ive been doing better over the past 6 months on the co-dependency/enabling behaviors of my own. I still rescue or want to rescue too much, but Im doing much better. Right now, I feel a little hostage to her rehab, since I'm driving her four days a week, plus doing the family sessions for two days. (She cant be allowed to drive one of our cars- way too risky-- so i become driver). She is hostile and extremely unpleasant saying she's been "forced" into rehab. In a way this is true but she has a choice of not going and figuring out how to live on her own, so I am not accepting her accusations in that regard. I guess as long as she is going, I support her in the effort and I drive, despite that she says she is only going because we are making her. At some level she must know she needs it or she wouldn't go, right? Or do we say she has to take a bus to get to rehab? Are we enabling by driving someone who says they don't want to go- don't have a problem- is only going to keep the possibility of $$ and financial support?
I'm starting al-anon myself, doing the codependency group provided through her rehab program. I am at step 1 and completely admit that I am powerless over my AD and my life is unmanageable. Trying to figure out what powerless means. Where the lines are. What's support, what's enabling, what's trying to control behavior for my preferred outcome(s).
Glad to have found this site. I've gotten a great deal out of it already.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,776
You have a lot on your plate right now.
I don't see anything wrong with driving her to rehab since it was your offer that she go. Don't pay attention to what she's saying, she's just mad she has to do things "your way".We have two forums here for friends and family of addicts and alcoholics. Take a look at them and post your questions there for more insight. Take care of yourself.
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Nothing is impossible!
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: EAGAN
Posts: 792
Originally Posted by Carrots 
I am just beginning this journey of recovery for me. My addicted daughter is barely 18 but life has been getting more and more unmanageable for three years. I knew she was on a path- but everyone around me told me I was over reacting and that it was just "youthful exuberance." I guess from the outside it looked ok but it didn't feel OK to me from the inside. I mean our family looks great "on paper". Two loving parents with successful careers, a nice house in a nice suburban area, two nice kids, no history of addiction. But she was risk-taking far beyond what was normal for her age and our "nice" family just kept getting messier and messier. I took her to counseling, to a psychiatrist. She's such a savvy liar it was no use. Now, at 18 she's been arrested, homeless, highly sexually risky with consequences of that. She uses anything anyone puts in front of her. Alcohol, absynthe,marijuana, hallucinogens, ecstasy, cocaine, cough syrup, salvia, Xanax....and that's just what we know about.
It has come to the final straw: leave with no more financial support from us or enroll in rehab. She enrolled in outpatient but is recalcitrant, angry, calls it "your rehab", and says her life is absolutely manageable.
Ive been doing better over the past 6 months on the co-dependency/enabling behaviors of my own. I still rescue or want to rescue too much, but Im doing much better. Right now, I feel a little hostage to her rehab, since I'm driving her four days a week, plus doing the family sessions for two days. (She cant be allowed to drive one of our cars- way too risky-- so i become driver). She is hostile and extremely unpleasant saying she's been "forced" into rehab. In a way this is true but she has a choice of not going and figuring out how to live on her own, so I am not accepting her accusations in that regard. I guess as long as she is going, I support her in the effort and I drive, despite that she says she is only going because we are making her. At some level she must know she needs it or she wouldn't go, right? Or do we say she has to take a bus to get to rehab? Are we enabling by driving someone who says they don't want to go- don't have a problem- is only going to keep the possibility of $$ and financial support?
I'm starting al-anon myself, doing the codependency group provided through her rehab program. I am at step 1 and completely admit that I am powerless over my AD and my life is unmanageable. Trying to figure out what powerless means. Where the lines are. What's support, what's enabling, what's trying to control behavior for my preferred outcome(s).
Glad to have found this site. I've gotten a great deal out of it already.
It has come to the final straw: leave with no more financial support from us or enroll in rehab. She enrolled in outpatient but is recalcitrant, angry, calls it "your rehab", and says her life is absolutely manageable.
Ive been doing better over the past 6 months on the co-dependency/enabling behaviors of my own. I still rescue or want to rescue too much, but Im doing much better. Right now, I feel a little hostage to her rehab, since I'm driving her four days a week, plus doing the family sessions for two days. (She cant be allowed to drive one of our cars- way too risky-- so i become driver). She is hostile and extremely unpleasant saying she's been "forced" into rehab. In a way this is true but she has a choice of not going and figuring out how to live on her own, so I am not accepting her accusations in that regard. I guess as long as she is going, I support her in the effort and I drive, despite that she says she is only going because we are making her. At some level she must know she needs it or she wouldn't go, right? Or do we say she has to take a bus to get to rehab? Are we enabling by driving someone who says they don't want to go- don't have a problem- is only going to keep the possibility of $$ and financial support?
I'm starting al-anon myself, doing the codependency group provided through her rehab program. I am at step 1 and completely admit that I am powerless over my AD and my life is unmanageable. Trying to figure out what powerless means. Where the lines are. What's support, what's enabling, what's trying to control behavior for my preferred outcome(s).
Glad to have found this site. I've gotten a great deal out of it already.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 628
I looked you up from your comment on my thread. I think we are in a similar boat - I with my son. I asked him to leave a few months ago and is now living by himself but still heavily into pot (as far as I know).
I am glad you are taking her to rehab and she is going. This is probably preventing her from going lower - and is hopefully is learning some skills eventhough she denies it. My son has been through one stint at a rehab but has relapsed. (this is common). I am now asking him to try again - but this time he has to do it voluntarily. He still wants to do it "himself" but is unable to and is getting more and more miserable.
Please post in the Friends and family section. You will get lots of advice and support there.
I am glad you are taking her to rehab and she is going. This is probably preventing her from going lower - and is hopefully is learning some skills eventhough she denies it. My son has been through one stint at a rehab but has relapsed. (this is common). I am now asking him to try again - but this time he has to do it voluntarily. He still wants to do it "himself" but is unable to and is getting more and more miserable.
Please post in the Friends and family section. You will get lots of advice and support there.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
