catgonewild1

Hi. I'm hardly a newcomer but am beating myself up so badly. I had almost 3 1/2 years. Two weeks ago I had a few glasses of wine, then last week I had some vodka, and last night I went to a party with full intention not to drink, but did drink wine. Several glasses.

My drinking history is very long and complicated, but these last 3 1/2 years were my "last chance" so to speak, no health problems or legal problems, thank God, but was on verge of losing marriage and kids.

Hard to type now because my daughter is around and looking over my shoulder. Anyway, I am firmly recommitted to doing whatever it takes to getting back long term sobriety. I know my biggest mistake was that after i moved to this new area 3 years ago, I got into meetings right away and got a sponsor, but had very negative experiences with people in meetings. I kept going but things were just never good like they were before.
Anyway just a brief intro and I am really going to try to use these forums as my life raft until i finally find local meetings i do like. It's not easy here. Very judgemental and cliquish people (unlike where I got sober before) who focus on personalities and not principles.

Please ya'll put up with me as it's been less than a day now since my last drink.

Jeni26

Hi and welcome to SR x



I'm sorry to hear about your relapse, but something was working well for you for a long time. You can get this back, that's for certain.

This forum is full of amazing people who will help support you through this.

Nonsensical

Welcome! 3 1/2 years is awesome! Drinking again after that long shows how we can never let our guard down against the addiction.

You want sobriety back. You'll get it.

Good Luck!

Krodos

That's why reading stories like the OPs are great.

Thanks for posting catgonewild1, I don't have any direct advice since I am only 35 days sober myself.... other then to stick around, read the posts and share when you feel like it.

least

to a very supportive place. Don't beat yourself up too badly. Forgive yourself, learn from it, and move forward again. I drank again after twenty years sober and it took me a while to get it right again but I did it and so can you!

Mizzuno

You can do this. I see no failure here, only a chance to grow and learn. 3 1/2 year is a great achievement. Welcome to SR!

DAB

Hi Catgonewild1!
My wife wants us to move to Florida and I am terrified of the same thing happening to me. I have a great home group here that I feel very comfortable with. With their help I have remained sober for over 19 months.
I know you can get right back in the boat and start rowing again!
Is it true that drinking isn't nearly as good anymore after AA? The seeds of sobriety have been planted in you brain and those thoughts creep in and fill your glass with guilt? I wish you all the best!

aasharon90

I relocated to Houston from my hometown
of Baton Rouge, with my little family of
2 kids and husband of about 14 yrs, with
about 7 yrs. sobriety.

I too left my support system and fellowship
that I got sober with and learned recovery
from to uncertainty and strangers. I did
however went to any lengths to hang on
to my sobriety and recovery no matter what.

Because I was the only member of the family
with alcoholism and in a program of recovery,
my little family and I struggled with misunderstanding
and communication. And because of that, we all
went our different paths in life with my kids
growing into wonderful, awesome, mature,
college grads., careers, and marriage. As for
my own marriage, it ended peacefully at 25yrs.
and I relocated back to my hometown where
I always wanted to be, remarried, still on my
recovery journey at 22yrs. and my my ex husband
remarried as well.

Today as I still look back on my own decisions
and choices I made while in recovery, I wouldn't
change a thing, because I am right where I am
suppose to be.

Recovery is a journey of life changes and as long
as I follow the steps and principles of my recovery
program and place my faith in a Power greater
than I to guide me, protect me, love and bless me,
then I will continue to grow and flow with lifes
changes.

nubeginning

Catgonewild! First let me say 3 1/2 years is amazing! Please do not be too hard on yourself. Beating yourself up is counter-productive but pushing yourself in whatever way gets you motivated is good. I try to visualize a little drill sergeant in my head shouting at me, telling me all the things I need to hear to get me up and moving again. That's all it really is. Anybody can be broken down but it's in getting up that we find our real strength. Train and prepare all you want but until you're tested, until you're risking it all, you'll never know what you're capable of. Above all else distance yourself from judgmental or cliquish people who would hinder your growth. Those who are too busy arguing right and wrong forget to consider what is positive and negative. For addicts we are all about the positive. Positive attitude, positive thinking, positive reinforcement.

I'm a recovering meth addict, 4 years clean this July, but I had a 6 month relapse with coke. It started out once in a while but quickly progressed. I came to understand something. Something I always knew but somehow forgot. When I remembered how many times I tried to quit in the past, all those attempts, all those moments leading up to the very last time I used meth, I knew it wasn't a series of failures but rather all the necessary steps required for me to achieve sobriety. Recovery isn't a one step process nor is addiction something that ever leaves you. If it's taken me 23 attempts to get there so be it. I think of it like trying to get your car unstuck from the mud or snow. What do you do? You rock it back and forth, forward and backward, until you roll out for good. Does that mean you can't ever get stuck again? No. But now you understand how to free yourself should you ever get stuck again, and you no longer fear it. For me, I was able to bounce back much quicker than the last time. Familiar feelings bred familiar actions bred familiar routines. Before I knew it I was on the sobriety train passing day 30. It became easier to take charge of my day and sometimes that's all I can manage when I'm being chased down by my addiction. I've been clean for six months now. Still got one last battle to fight then I'm free. Hang in there Catgonewild and stay positive! This time it was 3.5 years. Next time could be...look at that you're unstuck!

Dee74

welcome catgonewild

I don't believe it's ever too late to start again
you'll find a lot of support here...do you have any kind of plan this time?

D

soberclover

There are many of us here who had recovery time, relapsed, and well....here we are! Glad to have you on board!

ElegantlyWasted

Welcome... We have some great, as I like to put it... Principled Personalities aka lots of really good people. Stick around what you need probably here.

Hevyn

Welcome catgonewild! I did the same thing - was sober 3 yrs. then started up again, except I kept going for 7 yrs.! This won't happen to you - you are taking steps to get back on track. Glad to have you here.

Itchy

Coming up on three years myself this coming September. I would beat myself up good were I to be foolish enough to even try drinking again. I can imagine how disappointed you must have been. Congrats for dusting yourself off, picking up your hat, and remembering where we, none of us, ever want to go again.

Close call there.

You came to the right place. Along with AA for my first few months, SR was fully 1/3 of my recovery. The other third were my family and friends, counselors, and docs.

Nighthawk8820

First, its admirable you recognize you messed up and that you still want to be sober. Dont beat yourself up about it, people who feel low tend to make bad decisions. Learn from your mistakes and get back on that horse. Its not too late, you haven't thrown away everything you worked for............as long as you stop this NOW and get back on track ASAP. What did you do when you first stopped drinking? Do all that stuff again, because you are in the danger zone my friend. Dont let the booze win, you know how good it feels to be sober. Hold on to that for dear life, you can do this.

catgonewild1

Thank you so much everyone!!! Iwas shocked to see so much good, positive response already! You guys are a great community, that is clear. And some of you also have been where I have been. When you said "think of what you did before and start doing it again" then that means: GOOD meetings, reading the book, praying and I must say -- dear as my old sponsor is, I will not "fire" her so to speak. She will always be my friend,. But I may need to look for someone to kick me in the butt.

Thanks everyone for all the support!

Mountainmanbob

Nuudawn

Hey Cat..welcome. Glad you posted. I'm a week sober this go. Hey..don't they say relapse is part of recovery. So you fell of the horse, now you get back on and keep riding my friend. Really, really glad you're here, cuz I sure need some wise cats with a good hunk of recovery to their credit to show me some ropes : )

catgonewild1

Yep -- over my many year long journey, I had two years twice, had a year three times, and then 3/6/9 months as well. But never more than 2 years. So, I never even picked up my two year or three year chip this time, thinking I would jinx myself. Well, I jinxed myself anyway.

I "would've" thought I could take a deep breath after 3 1/2 years but now I know I wasn't in quality meetings and wasn't using my sponsor as a sponsor, but as a friend. Also my service work dropped off.

Right now I'm still in the shock stage, but my mind is playing tricks on me telling me I might as well drink again since I blew it. I know that is my addiction talking. And I cannot listen. At all.

I have a real relationship with my two daughters because of my long periods of sobriety, and since the youngest is just a teen now, I refuse to lose the most important things in my life for a liquid buzz. The disappointment on my daughter's face the other night and the anger and fear she's had since are just killing me. I need to prove to her that I'm down but not out.

CG