Acheleus

Day 11 with no smokes or drinks. Feeling worn out from running and mad at my self for spending years in a relationship with a person who didnt care about me. Her parents also treated me like I did not exist. My fun youth was wasted and now I feel worthless. Today will be harder than the others. The reason I like rigorous exercise is because it hurts. I hope everyone has a good sunday.

Weasel1966

Acheleus.... Good you sober this long. I have to say though that the real waste of time is not what's past already... Not much you can do. But to waste today and give that to her? That's the real waste.

Acheleus

You are right. I am going running and then I am going to write. Thanks weasel.

SereneEdition

Congrats on 11 Days!

It's common to have a lot of regrets emerge when we get sober that we need to work through and it can certainly be tough as our emotions can feel particularly raw. Good news - it's a sign that you're healing, despite it not feeling very pleasant.

Why lose today by focusing on the past things that you can't change tho? Why not enjoy the gift of sobriety today?

Acheleus

Thanks you guys. I just realize how much that relationship was a consequence of my alcoholism and neediness. I want to really improve myself so I can have a healthy relationship one day and get married. I do appreciate my sobriety and how it allows me to see things more clearly. It does feel raw, but I want to learn and grow every day.

Acheleus

Also dont professionals say no dating in the first year of sobriety? Why is that?

ScottFromWI

Sounds like you are on the right track again! As many have mentioned, dwelling on th past is pointless. I think it is important, though to also remember what alcohol did to us. Not to try and change it all, but to know that it could happen again if we aren't vigilant. Have a good run!

ScottFromWI

My guess is that many in recovery are too fragile to handle the added stress/emotions of a new relationship.

Liverbirdlou

I have been sober 18 months in a few days (God willing) and single even longer. I think they tell us to avoid relationships so that we do not become dependent on another person (co-dependency) as we can become addicted to anything and everything including relationships! From personal experience, and it is only my view, I am grateful I have remained single; my whole outlook on life changes for the better each new day and I no longer recognise the person I was 18 months ago. I am just enjoying getting to know the new me. You will see that everything happens for a reason, including the ending of your relationship. Eventually you will deal with all the resentment, grief, etc but it takes time to heal. keep hanging on in there, it gets better.

mecanix

Sober 22 months and just in the early days of getting to know someone .. the up's and down's are pritty testing , it's quite an emotional rollercoaster . To not let it unduely effect my serenity and centerdness takes quite a lot of the tools and experience i've learned so far .
I feel i'm lacking a certain spontaneity but i guess it's about appreciating and learning peoples boundaries now i'm sober , in the old days it was all about me and i never gave much thought to how it was on the recieving end . i just drunkenly blunderd through life happening to the people in my path . Those who were willing to put up with me hung about .

I'm still learning and can see i've got a lot more to learn , i think i've got a better handle on it now than i ever had though and seem to make better choices about people and how i interact with them .

Bestwishes, M

Acheleus

Yeah I have a difficult time trusting people and I get paranoid that people are laughing at me and ridiculing me behind my back. Don't know why that is. I just got back from my fast walk/run and I still have a difficult time dealing with loneliness. I'm sure it is my fault I don't have any friends, so I have to figure out ways to meet people and socialize without being drunk. Since I quit smoking reading is also strange, because I used to chain smoke while I read and I enjoyed reading a long novel with a cigarette in my hand. I know sobriety is worthwhile and difficult, but I don't want to feel like I am living in more misery than I already have from my childhood, stupid parents, etc. Cigarettes didn't help me, and I don't have any cravings, but I just don't understand why I still feel like I want to go out to the bars and drink and smoke. Nothing good ever happened, I never met anyone nice, and people didn't like me. Maybe people will like me when I am sober. Maybe I can go read in a coffee shop or something and just relax. I am proud of my self for getting to eleven days. Thanks for the support guys.

Liverbirdlou

I can still get paranoid, the difference is that I care less wat people think (still have a way to go before I don't care at all!). The longer u stay sober the more u care about yourself, today I rather like me, and I know I'm not a bad person and I try very hard to be good. That starts to be more important than wat others think. Loneliness is awful, and I feel for you so much. You must be feeling so raw. But hang on in there, exercise is good (don't overdo it tho!) and remember u have people on here who care and are here for you.

Acheleus

Thanks lou. I know I can do this and really change my life. I don't feel the desire to drink or smoke, I just need to go back to my hobbies and the things that used to give my life meaning. Alcohol kind of depleted me I think, and I couldn't figure out what I wanted or where I wanted to go. In my sobriety I hope to find out just where I can make a place for my self in the world. I am in graduate school and it is very isolating and depressing, but I hope to be a teacher one day. And if I stay sober and realize I don't want to teach I will have to make progress on something else. I am in my 20's and it is difficult to find young people who do not drink. I feel and look much older though, so I am going to volunteer at some places and meet nice people who have lived life and know a thing or two. Young people don't have a lot of experience, and I feel different from them in more ways than one. I hope everyone on here is having a good Sunday. I am going to buy a can opener! My other one broke.

Liverbirdlou

That is so fantastic that u are thinking of volunteering. I am 40 and still don't know wat I want to be when I grow up! I have completed 3 college courses in counselling skills so maybe that will lead somewhere?! And I am only just learning to drive!! I just try to concentrate on being a good mum, and I'm grateful for the job I have at the moment! I think u are low on self esteem at the mo which is understandable, but I think u will have lots of friends etc in time.

Acheleus

Just came back from another fast walk/run. I got caught in a downpour and became very angry, but realized there is no point in overreacting to anything anymore. My legs are very sore so I am thinking of taking a day off tomorrow. I have my first class tomorrow and I am kind of nervous, but I hope everything will be okay. I did think about getting drunk earlier but realized I could treat myself better and be a stronger person.

Nighthawk8820

When you change, things change around you. SO your relationship ended right? It may be a blessing you wont be able to see the benefits of until much further down the road. You have to trust and have faith. You wont always like all the changes that come with sobriety, but they all serve a purpose. Know that, and congrats on making a change.

Nighthawk8820

That is the attitude I like to see. Working out has been a god send for me. It clears my head and lets me get the anger out. Im glad you tapped into it as well.

Acheleus

When I tried to get sober before I just rested and read and wrote. This time around when I get a craving I just put my sneakers on and go walking and running. I want to start lifting weights again. I bought a small blender today and made smoothies for the first time. They are delicious. So eating healthy foods and exercising have really motivated me to see how in shape I can get and how much mental focus I can attain. Volunteering and learning some new things are next on my list. I have to stay active and busy. Tomorrow is day 12. Almost two weeks!

Nuudawn

Hey Ache : ) So glad you're here. I tick off my first whole week today! You feel like my big brother in sobriety being 5 days older and all...