I just need lots of hugs today
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Join Date: Oct 2006
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I just need lots of hugs today
It's an absolutely astoundingly beautiful day and I've spent it all outside with my kids, enjoying the very short but intense summer, complete with seeing a lazy black bear cub sunning itself and great big eagles soaring over the water.
Things were good. I was able to enjoy.
But I'm in the middle of a mess with a bunch of AXH-related [insert bad words of choice here] and one phone call later (that I didn't even pick up) I'm barely functioning. I just saw the number and couldn't bring myself to answering.
I try reminding myself that everything will be alright in the end, and if it's not alright, it's not the end. I know that. I'm not trying to control things I have no control over. I'm just completely and utterly worn out and exhausted and not sure how I'm going to hang on and recharge if things take a whole lot longer working themselves out. I swear I've aged ten years in a few months of [insert bad words again]. And I'm just tired. I just don't want to anymore.
But giving up is not an option when you have children and people who love you. And you can't let the bad guys win.
I'm just tired and very sad and need hugs.
Things were good. I was able to enjoy.
But I'm in the middle of a mess with a bunch of AXH-related [insert bad words of choice here] and one phone call later (that I didn't even pick up) I'm barely functioning. I just saw the number and couldn't bring myself to answering.
I try reminding myself that everything will be alright in the end, and if it's not alright, it's not the end. I know that. I'm not trying to control things I have no control over. I'm just completely and utterly worn out and exhausted and not sure how I'm going to hang on and recharge if things take a whole lot longer working themselves out. I swear I've aged ten years in a few months of [insert bad words again]. And I'm just tired. I just don't want to anymore.
But giving up is not an option when you have children and people who love you. And you can't let the bad guys win.
I'm just tired and very sad and need hugs.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 1,118
((((((hugs))))))) lillamy
Try to go back in your mind to that place earlier today with your kids and the lazy black bear cub... that's what life is about. The other cr*p isn't worth the real estate in your mind. Get a good night sleep.
Try to go back in your mind to that place earlier today with your kids and the lazy black bear cub... that's what life is about. The other cr*p isn't worth the real estate in your mind. Get a good night sleep.
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 109
(((HUGS))) to you lillamy.
It is so hard for those of us with children to find a spare 15 minutes of alone time to process all the emotions we go through when dealing with an alcoholic. I know that I keep tamping many of my feelings down throughout the day so that I can be present in the moment with the kids. Just the energy it takes to hold back the emotions is exhausting. Sometimes I have to square the kids away for 30 minutes with a movie so I can lay on my bed, listen to some music (today it was Mumford and Sons) and actually feel all the emotions that have been banging on the door of my heart all day. Once I greet them at the door, so to speak, they do go away, or at least become less of an energy drain somehow.
Not sure if your taste in music runs to Mumford and Sons, but this song always puts me in the frame of mind to let in a little sadness and anger: Mumford and Sons - Little Lion Man - YouTube
As a friend once said to me, "Sleep the sleep of the Just, the just plain tired." And from one tired mom to another: Tomorrow morning will be better.
It is so hard for those of us with children to find a spare 15 minutes of alone time to process all the emotions we go through when dealing with an alcoholic. I know that I keep tamping many of my feelings down throughout the day so that I can be present in the moment with the kids. Just the energy it takes to hold back the emotions is exhausting. Sometimes I have to square the kids away for 30 minutes with a movie so I can lay on my bed, listen to some music (today it was Mumford and Sons) and actually feel all the emotions that have been banging on the door of my heart all day. Once I greet them at the door, so to speak, they do go away, or at least become less of an energy drain somehow.
Not sure if your taste in music runs to Mumford and Sons, but this song always puts me in the frame of mind to let in a little sadness and anger: Mumford and Sons - Little Lion Man - YouTube
As a friend once said to me, "Sleep the sleep of the Just, the just plain tired." And from one tired mom to another: Tomorrow morning will be better.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Virginia
Posts: 134
L-Amy... I am thinking about you and sending you as much strength, hope, love and "energy" as I can muster across the divide. I hope tomorrow brings you peace, smiles and a renewed purpose. (((hugs)))
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Big hugs, Lillamy. On such an amazingly breathtaking Alaskan summer day, you should have at the very least a smile on your face!
I am so sorry this seems never-ending. But do know there is a light at the end of this tunnel. You have a ways to go - but before you know it your kids will be 18+ and your communication with him can become nil.
My baby turns 16 next week. Wow - how time flies! See what I mean? Focus on that. And by all means, don't answer the phone if you don't feel like it.
Try not to let that a$$hat bring you down and ruin your good days.
Peace, my friend,
~T
I am so sorry this seems never-ending. But do know there is a light at the end of this tunnel. You have a ways to go - but before you know it your kids will be 18+ and your communication with him can become nil.
My baby turns 16 next week. Wow - how time flies! See what I mean? Focus on that. And by all means, don't answer the phone if you don't feel like it.
Try not to let that a$$hat bring you down and ruin your good days.
Peace, my friend,
~T
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Yes, lilliamy, sleep the sleep of the just---and expect a better day tomorrow!! (don't you just looove that?) BtheChange has touched on the heart of the matter, I think. It is just so emotionally exhausting to be on your toes all the time.
Sending a wave of cyber hugs your way!!!
dandylion
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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lilliamy, I was watching a program on cable about Alaskan real estate---Hunting cabins.
Wow--I was just mesmerized by the natural wonder of Alaska. The beauty just has to make the spirit soar (at times--LOL). How lucky to have that out your front door!!
dandylion
(made me nostalgic for the mountains of West Virginia)
Wow--I was just mesmerized by the natural wonder of Alaska. The beauty just has to make the spirit soar (at times--LOL). How lucky to have that out your front door!!
dandylion
(made me nostalgic for the mountains of West Virginia)
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Rochester, ny
Posts: 405
Hi lilamy---here are hugs from me too!!!
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((you))))))))))) ))))))))))))))))))))))))))
You live in Alaska? Wow!!! *gazing in wonder* How cool! Oh I'd have had a hard time not patting the baby bear!!!! And an eagle too??? Wow! Coooooooooool!!
Dang ol' emotions---and the mental commentary. They seem to come in waves, and even though they always subside and change, the painful ones are so rough. They always feel like they're going to last forever.
Feel better!!
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((you))))))))))) ))))))))))))))))))))))))))
You live in Alaska? Wow!!! *gazing in wonder* How cool! Oh I'd have had a hard time not patting the baby bear!!!! And an eagle too??? Wow! Coooooooooool!!
Dang ol' emotions---and the mental commentary. They seem to come in waves, and even though they always subside and change, the painful ones are so rough. They always feel like they're going to last forever.
Feel better!!
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Sending you lots of hugs from way down South. 
Give yourself some slack too, it's ok to break down now and again and let those pent up emotions loose. The trick is picking yourself up again tomorrow instead of wallowing in it. Your posts are so full of strength that i have no doubt you will get past this moment. 
Give yourself some slack too, it's ok to break down now and again and let those pent up emotions loose. The trick is picking yourself up again tomorrow instead of wallowing in it. Your posts are so full of strength that i have no doubt you will get past this moment. Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 505
Sending (((((((GREAT BIG HUGS))))))) your way!!!! Hang in there, Lillamy - it WILL get better!! As others have said, tomorrow is a new day and I pray you wake up with the strength, grace and peace you need to tackle this latest blip in the road!
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
You know, your post reminded me of one of my favorite quotes,
"Courage doesn't always roar, sometimes courage is that quiet voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow."
I needed this simple reminder today myself, so thanks for triggering it for me.
"Courage doesn't always roar, sometimes courage is that quiet voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow."
I needed this simple reminder today myself, so thanks for triggering it for me.
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Thank you for the hugs and encouragement!!!
A sturdy dinner and a nap helped too, and while
I'm not ready to leap tall buildings in a single bound, I feel like I at least have the capacity to load the dishwasher.
Baby steps.
Pity party over for this time. love you guys and thanks again for the good words, thoughts, and hugs.
A sturdy dinner and a nap helped too, and while
I'm not ready to leap tall buildings in a single bound, I feel like I at least have the capacity to load the dishwasher.
Baby steps.Pity party over for this time.
love you guys and thanks again for the good words, thoughts, and hugs.
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Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,218
(((((Hugs))))) I'm sorry you are feeling so worn out and tired. Cliche advice as it sounds like, please try your very best to take even just a tiny bit of time for yourself. Maybe a nice bubble bath. Maybe just going online on something like YouTube, and find a nice "nature sounds" video to listen to if you literally have no time to devote only to you. In the search, you can put in what you prefer, be it ocean sounds or birds etc. Maybe listen to it before bed and/or while drifting off. Again with advice that might sound overly obvious, but as we all know we can sometimes neglect to take good basic care of ourselves when stressed out, so it is worth mentioning: remember to take good general care of you. Drink water. Take a break for a couple of minutes or more. Stretch. Breathe deeply. Do things that make you feel good and centered and clear minded.
Peace.
Peace.
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