Questioner

17 years ago when I lived in a shared house were the only private area was my bedroom and after a disabling injury I met my now wife. At the time I would drink and being young and lazy would put the empties under the bed. Fast forward to today. I drink at present. Sunday nothing. Monday nothing. Tuesday nothing. Wednesday nothing. Thursday nothing. Friday maybe twice a month a couple of pints after work, Though not for the last three months, then on the night a bottle of Red wine. Saturday night a bottle of red wine. Very occasionally ie once every 6months I may I go out with work colleagues on a night out and have 8 or 9 pints. I have a continual battle regards my alcohol intake with my wife. I say what is the problem, she claims I drink to much. She went into hospital recently and I was at home alone and during the week she was in hospital, I bought a couple of bottles of red mid week and drank them, and put them in the car to dispose of at recycle , I forgot about them. When she found them she was angry and accused me of hiding them, she would not listen to my explanation and brought up the incidents of 16 years ago

If she can smell alcohol on my breath on say a Friday after work, there is a row, so I say no I have not had a drink, that just makes it worse.

This weeks consumption has been nothing till I had a bottle of leffe brun on Friday, and tonight I decided I wanted a bottle of beer, cue sarcastic comments regards my alcohol consumption, this despite her having a white wine spritzer, albeit her first alcohol in two months.

I honestly do not believe that I have an alcohol problem, but I do believe my wife does. Even though she does occasionally drink.

I am posting this because the arguments are getting me down. If I lie about my alcohol consumption, then that makes me an alcoholic according to most criteria, but I lie to avoid the arguments

Any one got any ideas as to how to deal with this?

Mrbeagle

Hi, im 21 years old and it took a while for me to realise a problem. I honestly believe that if you are on a forum concerning drug use, deep down you may think that you have a problem. If not, can you moderate your drinking? If you have a few glasses, can you leave the rest? Consider taking one of the tests on the AA website maybe, they definitely helped me.

Take care

Questioner

I DO NOT believe I have a problem. My alcohol consumption is miles below the UK government limits. I have tried the AA questions, but because they call people alcoholics if you hide it, then it is not useful. I lie even if I have had one pint, because my wife hates it even if it's only one, therefore to avoid arguments I lie. Regards moderating consumption. How much less alcohol, and how many fewer days a week can I drop it too. I only drink on two days a week, and if driving on a Sunday then only once a week. I have no intention of going teetotal. I am on a forum because I want answers to my situation, not generalised answers from some automated system, which does not take into account the unique circumstances

Mrbeagle

Please know that i'm not an automated system! I do apologise if I offended you in any way. It is quite possible you don't have a problem at all, and maybe your wife is exaggerating things. If your alcohol is causing YOU a problem in day to day life, then this is what we're all about. If your wife thinks it, but you don't it's hard to give an opinion without some more info. If it's the second option, then maybe you don't have an alcohol problem

Received

Kindness goes a long way here, Questioner, and there is no "automated system" in place on Sober Recovery.

We are real people who are either trying to quit, are recovering or have recovered, depending on what program or method we used. We know nothing about you except for the little you shared so we can only give you "generalized answers" and share our experiences.

It seems you are very frustrated however I think it would be nice if you wouldn't come in here upset at your wife and "kick the dog" so to speak.

In the end, only YOU know whether you have a drinking problem or not.

Wishing you the best.

Questioner

Sorry if my second post caused offence, it was unintentional. I posted here because I knew this was NOT automated, and wanted real input, I was not kicking any dog so to speak. I have given as accurate picture as possible of the situation as it appertains to my household, and would value the input, regards my situation.

fantail

You're on a forum for people who have substance abuse problems and the people who love them... And where questions are answered by those same people in the spirit of helping one another quit. If you're looking to settle an argument with your wife you'll be better off getting a professional's opinion on your drinking.

Questioner

I am trying to discover if my drinking as accurately described in post one is an alcoholic level, or if my wife's reactions to this level of drinking is unrealistic. If I can point out that I am not alcoholic then I can suggest my wife gets help to deal with her problems regards alcohol. Not trying to settle any scores etc

ScottFromWI

SR is a site dedicated to those wishing to be sober and recovery. With all due respect, it sounds like you are asking for help with an honesty issues between you and your wife. If neither of you have a drinking problem, I'd suggest marriage counseling.

Soberpotamus

I understand your question.


My answer is: does your drinking cause YOU negative consequences? If so, you might have a drinking problem.

Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery

Questioner

This is not about really about honesty, I genuinely wish to know if my drinking habits can in any ay be construed as being alcoholic. If not then I can talk to my wife with knowledge about my consumption and suggest she may need to get help regards her attitude to alcohol. If this is wrong forum, then can anyone suggest we're I can get this advice

suki44883

We cannot answer your question. Try not drinking anything alcoholic for three months. If you can do that easily, then you probably don't have an alcohol addiction. If you can't do it easily or at all, then you have a problem with alcohol.

Questioner

Hi soberjennie. The only -ve consequences to me are the arguments if I have a drink, when my wife thinks I should not. Physically, work wise etc, then no. I suffer no blackouts loss of control etc.

Mrbeagle

We are trying, but whenever we mention alcoholic you state that you definitely aren't one

Questioner

Hi suki. Yep done that no problem, but it seems odd having to prove I can do it to prove to wife that I can. If you see my post one that is an accurate level of my consumption. Sometimes the red wine is swapped out for a 550ml bottle of beer instead like tonight

ersatzmatriarch

questioner...

alcoholic drinking is not defined by how much or how often one drinks. it is defined more by whether is has control over a person and makes their life unmanageable.

that is not something that anyone can answer for you. only you know the answer to that.

if you know that your alcohol consumption doesn't control you and doesn't make your life unmanageable, you can explain it to your wife, and go from there. if she won't accept that, maybe counseling for your marriage is what you two need to work through this.

Questioner

Mrbeagle. I do not know how you define alcoholic. My consumption IMO is not enough to qualify. I am not dependant, I can and do regularly have nothing if I am driving the next day. I value my HGV licence too much. I suffer no blackouts. I do not pass out, I do not embarrass myself by over consumption, so genuinely looking for advice

Questioner

Ersatzmatriarch. You may well be right, regards marriage counselling I know full well who is in control of my alcohol consumption. And with out being flippant, well, too flippant anyway, it's my wife. Hence why I came here, because I wanted advice to be able to explain that I am not drinking too much and not alcoholic, based on my consumption

ersatzmatriarch

it sounds like you have your answer then, so the next step should be to talk to your wife... and if she can't or won't hear you, counseling might be the thing to save your marriage.

good luck to you on this, questioner.

Nirvana1

It sounds like your wife would rather have you drink zero alcohol based on your past problems with it. It sounds like you were drinking a lot while hiding out in your bedroom, so that maybe the crux to all her worrying. If you really are not going overboard, than your wife might just be controlling. But if you sometimes go overboard (i.e. once or twice a week), that could be the problem your wife is addressing, no matter how little you end up drinking on some nights. She probably doesn't like worrying about which times you will go overboard when you start drinking anything.

Getting smashed, even just every once in awhile, is not a normal part of society, even though most heavy drinkers think so.