eshetz

I am sober 14 days today after 6 years of sobriety. When I got sober at 30...it was not this hard. This time...its hard and I have been thinking about drinking almost every day. Why is it so hard this time??

Nuudawn

More years..more dependency. Are you suffering physical as well as emotional withdrawal?

Grungehead

Hi eshetz,

I got sober at 29 and went back out after 7 years. I think it gets progressively "harder" because alcoholism is a progressive disease. When I went back out it seemed like I picked up right where I left off and it got worse quickly, physically, mentally and spiritually. When I got sober after a year being out I had built up a lot more guilt, shame, self-hate, etc that I didn't have the first time. My bottom had gotten lower and my addiction had gotten progressively worse.

I stayed sober for 7 years...again...went back out for 8 YEARS...have 52 days now. Coming back this time is even harder, I almost didn't make it back. I have so many regrets yet I know I have been given another chance and I have to let those regrets go. The only thing I can do is learn from the past and not dwell on it. The big book promises that if I work the steps I will reach a point where I won't regret the past or be afraid to remember it. Both times I got sober I went to AA but I didn't work the steps. Both times I stopped going to meetings. Both times I ended up drunk. This time I am going to go to any lengths to stay sober. I honestly don't think I would make it back if I went back out again.

Please hang in there! I don't know what your plan is to stay sober but please get one. I have proven over and over that left to my own devices I cannot stay sober. I applaud someone who can but I am too weak...I need help.

Nighthawk8820

It gets harder every time you try and quit they say, plus more years using equals more dependence. Stick with it, it wont always feel like this. You did the damage, now you have to ride it out, but it will be worth it.

oak

Congrats on being 14 days sober! It was relatively easy when I first quit, but after years of sobriety, I relapsed a few times. It does get so much harder to get sober. I was amazed at how hard it was.

Sobriety does get easier. Do you have all the support you need?

Dee74

I agree with everyone here - whatever the reason, it undeniably gets harder.

It never gets impossible tho. I quit at 40 after decades of drinking

D

Recovery1983

Wow, reading that was inspirational yet also depressing. Grungehead, I think it is amazing that even after all those sober years and going out, you still didn't give up and came back. I also attend AA and NA meetings, and what you said really reminded me of the reality of this. I just turned 30 two months ago, and I am constantly struggling with my addictions. I guess the realization is that I will be dealing with this BS for the rest of my life. I'll always have to watch myself and be wary of all the temptations. I find it very difficult to believe that it gets easier with time. Sorry for being so negative. This kind of just put things in perspective.

Dee74

Here's my experience, such as it is

While all thats ^ true, I don't go around like a coiled spring...

It's a natural human thing to think the way things are today are the way they'll always be.

But that's just not true.

I'm not the same person who quit in 2007 - I've grown - and my life's not the same life either - it's changed as well

I love my sober life now and I don't want to mess it up...I'm aware I'm an alcoholic, but I'm not constantly thinking about it...I'm not waiting for my addiction to pounce and ambush me either.

It really does get easier IMO

D

wiscsober

You may want to see your Dr. or GNP and see if there is a certain medication you can get on that relieves cravings. In your head you know what it takes...

just for today see if you can help out another alcoholic with the experience you have.

Relapse is a symptom of alcoholism. But you have a wealth of experience to help others....Bill Wilson sought out someone to help and AA was born...

maybe get something to eat and sleep a bit to some classical music?

eshetz

Thanks everyone for your kind words and advice. I feel better today and I have an apt with my therapist. I am also going to make an apt today with the Dr. they have on staff tp talk about meds etc.

Oh and I did go to AA for a year but never really worked the steps etc. I am going to give that a try again. I am grateful my relapse only latsted about a month, but it is still so hard!

Thanks again for your support!

soberclover

Great post! I had 13 years and went back out for 8. I'm around 6 months now. Getting sober at 46 is not the same as when I was 25!! I am different physically as well as psychologically. For me with a clinical background thinking and researching more about "kindling affect" as well as the changes in brain that occur during addiction and recovery. The re-wiring of the brain during recovery made me learn to be patient and easy on myslef...my addiction didn't happen overnight and my recovery will not happen overnight either. It is a journey. Make sure you take time to enjoy the journey!

GracieLou

First off Congrats on 14 days!

I was not going to post but I guess sharing is one of the things we need to do not only for ourselves but to help others.

This time was not as bad as the last time. When I tried nine years ago, and not very hard I might add, it was horrible. I was a wreck. Constant cravings, my mind spinning out of control, I always thought about drinking. I was never sure of what to do with myself. I am sure you all know the drill.

This time I am calm. I have a peaceful feeling. My desire to drink is gone. I may still want to hide and bottle up my emotions but I don't want to drink.

The reason I posted is to let you know that your posts help me to realize how grateful I am. How if I drink again what I may be up against. I have been there and I don't ever want to go back.

I have finally reached out my hand for help and I can't take it back.

Healthyfood

eshetz

Thank you for great post. I think its harder because our minds are very addictive and once you let yourself into this short term pleasure, the brain wants more!
It won't be this hard for long.
I think its easier to stay sober forever than survive relapse and start all over again.

eshetz

Healthy- I agree! I forgot how much I liked to drink after 6 years of being sober. Now that I know how much I liked it...its harder, BUT I know I am an alcoholic and I want to stay sober for myself and my family. I don't want to lie to my husband about drinking etc. I am grateful that it was short lived and I did not do more damage to myself or my family.

Thanks for your kind words.....you guys are really great!

Anna

Good for you for getting back on track.

I'm glad that you can move on from here and know that there is no need to go through this again.

360shoes

Me too. It gets harder. Everyone always said it but I didn't understand it. I do now. I don't know that I drank more the 2nd time around but I sure felt worse and stopping was a b*tch both mentally and physically. I have no interest in seeing what the third time looks and feels like.

Keep moving forward Eshetz! You can do it.

Grungehead

I share my story quite a bit on this forum. The regulars here probably know it by heart LOL. But I do that because I hope it may help another alocholic or addict avoid making the same mistakes I made. Actually many of my sober years were the happiest years in my life, but looking back I wasn't doing any "preventative maintenance" to treat my disease.

When I stopped going to meetings all together that's when I became like a stick of dynamite waiting for the fuse to be lit. Both times a major crisis in my life lit the fuse, and both times I exploded. I am 99.9% positive that if I had simply followed the suggestions of AA instead of trying to do MY version of AA I would have had the tools to deal with those crises sober. But I can't say for sure because I didn't follow directions. I can say with 100% certainty that my version didn't work.

*And please feel free to substitute AA with whatever recovery program you use. I think my experience will still apply. You're either moving forward or you're moving backwards regardless of your method of recovery.

yellowjacket85

For me i know that if something stressful happens ill just immediately want to get my booze on, why well cuz its proven to make everything numb for a little while. I think once you start using booze as a way to chill out its crazy hard to stay sober. And not to mention is legal so that doesn't make it difficult to find. Why do you drink? Everyone has a trigger (i think im no doctor) and try and see if you can figure out a different way to deal.
And congrats on the sobriety. Its not easy!

Sally3127

I have a question for those who were sober for a long time and then drank again. How did it happen and why? This is what scares me as a newbie. People who have long term sobriety and go back out. Thanks.

2granddaughters

You know in HOW IT WORKS where it says "Half measures availed us nothing" ..... Sounds like it's time to commit to it.

All the best.

Bob R