quadrant

Hello everyone. 

This is not my first attempt at sobriety but it is the first time I’m posting here.

I’m in my late twenties, started drinking in college. At first I drank for fun and partying. Then I drank to cope with whatever I felt I needed to cope with at the moment. I also drank to live up to certain silly idealistic stereotypes (I’m a performing musician). The people and places I frequented gave me a very skewed perspective of what was ‘normal’ drinking. I sincerely thought I didn’t have a problem until I started feeling physically unwell — hungover all the time, sick, depressed.

I was also suicidal when hungover and had ended up in the ER with drinking-related injuries twice.

Finally, towards the end of it, I was drinking a bottle of whiskey or vodka and a six-pack of beer a day. (At least). In the end enough was enough and I quit last year for a wonderful 8 months.

Then, in what I assume is a fairly predictable pattern, I’d regained ground, rekindled a connection with myself, and very rapidly began progressing towards a great new life. Everything was going well and even when it didn’t I could deal with it.

So I figured this newfound strength and confidence would surely do wonders for controlling my drinking. Maybe I could drink like a normal person. I had not yet gotten acquainted with the disease theory and believed that my drinking was a symptom of psychological issues. (I’m prone to light depression, moodiness, and, more recently, I’ve developed a panic disorder.)

It worked very well for about six months. I drank socially, I drank moderately. I could stop after one or two beers and didn’t feel like I was torturing myself.

Eventually of course, and over the course of a very short span of time following this initial success, I slid back into a bottle of whiskey and a six-pack a day. I was miserable, I couldn’t get anything done, I was having panic attacks. It sucked.

So I quit again a month ago. (Cold turkey, like the first time.) Hopefully this time a little wiser.

The problem is that this time around it’s not quite like the last time.

When I quit the previous time, it felt like I had been released from prison and could now do whatever I wanted with my life. I had an invincible feeling of freedom, inspiration, and happiness.

While I unquestionably feel better now, I also don’t feel nearly as good as that. Moreover, I’m extremely irritable. Moreover, my sex drive is MIA.

My diet is fairly okay, I won’t win any prizes for healthy eating but I eat regularly and since quitting I’ve been taking a multi-vitamin and B-complex every day.

I suppose I’m just wondering if this irritability will go away and if my sex drive will come back?

I suppose I’m also saying hello.

Rennet

Hi quadrant, I haven't made it quite as long as you but I've noticed each time I quit I seem to have a slightly different experience physically and mentally. I wonder if you just have more things pushing your buttons than you did last time this far into it.

Anyway you're fortunate enough to have the vision of what 8 months looks like so I'd just keep at it, things can only get better from here right

Soberpotamus

Hi Quadrant, I'm on my 3rd time sober. And had a year the first time in my 20's so I can relate very well to your post.

It IS different each time, it seems. From what I've read and understand, according to science, alcoholism is progressive. It's very important to arrest it as early as you can to avoid worse and worse outcomes. Please do whatever you can to make things stick.

I highly recommend educating yourself on the up to date science of alcohol abuse/addiction/dependence. It's not a pretty picture. Very small % of "alcoholics" truly recover. It's a slow process as well. What the brain and body chemistry must do to recover is quite astounding... it makes me never want to drink again!

I also highly recommend getting in face-to-face groups/meetings with others. This really helps. Much more so than online meetings it seems.

Develop a recovery plan of action. Action being the key word. Good luck!

Nonsensical

The short answer is that your symptoms are fairly common and you should see improvement in 3-4 months of abstinence from alcohol.

If you want the long answer, let me know.

Welcome to SR! A month sober is AWESOME. Way to go!

quadrant

I always want the long answer!

(If it's not too much of a bother, naturally… )

Nonsensical

Your hedonic set point is so high you're in a state on anhedonia. But it will come back.

Dr. Kevin McCauley can explain it way better than I can.

7. Stress & Addiction - YouTube

That whole series (8 parts, I think) is well worth watching.

Hevyn

Welcome quadrant! So happy you found us...being here should help you feel better. You're not alone & we all understand what you're going through.

I agree that it's different each time we sober back up after drinking again. I did it numerous times. I stubbornly believed it was just a matter of willpower - if I tried hard enough I could manage it. I had to be brought to my knees to find out I have zero control once it's in my system. I was in my 50's by this time! So I think it's great that you're looking for answers now. You're very self aware and that's so important.

I think the irritability & other physical issues will improve as you heal from your last adventure. I was very irritable & sorry for myself for a couple months, but everything got better.

Congratulations on one month sober! Well done.

Dee74

Welcome quadrant

Like others have said, I think each time we stop can be different, it certainly was for me.

It's all pretty common - hopefully you will see a general improvement soon

D

Zencat

to SR quadrant

Good news, you don't have to ever drink again. It can happen in varying of ways. I found having a recovery 'tool box' helped me.

Nuudawn

Really glad you posted. I don't have any insight as to why this time is different..but like the way you write, and wanted to say "hello" back.

YVRguy

Hi Quadrant

Well there are a lot of long answers and theories on withdrawal , acute and post acute. I believe , from my experience , it is progressive , never gets better while I was active in the addiction and that things do begin to change the longer one is sober.

At the end of my active drinking , late 40's , what occurred after a binge would not resemble a hangover so much as a poisoning with some seriously scary stuff going on so I got medical help.

Short answer is , with time , sometimes a long time for some symptoms it appears , things get better , re-balanced, assuming you take care of yourself. I use supplements , careful diet and exercise as a help to letting things get as in balance as they can within me.

From my experience of many years of relapse, withdrawal is if you don't have a plan the chances of staying sober seems slim. Its an adjustment across the board to live sober

Grungehead

For me personally it got much harder each time. If alcoholism is a progressive disease that would explain why it got harder each time. I have had long stretches of sobriety followed by long stretches of active drinking (long being years). If you add up all of the years since I first got sober it comes to 14 years sober and 9 years drinking. Using the progressive theory my disease has progressed for 23 years since I first got sober. I tend to believe it is a progressive disease given my experiences of going for a long time without drinking and then starting back. It was like I never stopped, each time my bottom progressively got lower, and each time it has gotten more difficult physically and emotionally when I stopped.