lillamy

I was diagnosed with adrenal fatigue (caused by long-term intense stress) the last year I was married to AXH. I know we've discussed this before but I wanted to bring it up again, because that Dx was important for me. It was one of the building blocks that I used to build the bridge that got me out of my alcoholic marriage.

Somehow, I could reason away the mental and emotional pain, but I could not pretend a physical ailment directly caused by my life didn't exist. I saw it as a big red flashing warning light. But what I didn't realize then was that some of that damage was done and not reversible.

A few years out, I'm still struggling with stress-related physical ailments that raise their heads whenever high stress comes into my life again - sometimes through AXH, sometimes through other roads (like the supervisor from hell who was failing miserably at his job and tried throwing me under the bus - he was fired and I'm still there).

I'm in a period of intense stress right now and my asthma is beyond what can be medicated (stress); I have terrible stomach aches ((stress); my immune system invites any germ in the general area code (stress) and I get frequent migraines (stress again).

I'm not saying this in order to whine or angle for sympathy. I'm saying it because while I've healed in a lot of ways mentally, the damage caused to my body remains. And that's something I never thought about. That when we go around year after year being valiant and handling and putting up with and being strong and denying we're emotionally exhausted... It has consequences.

And that's one thing I wish I had understood earlier. For what it's worth.

lizatola

I understand. My sister's husband cheated on her repeatedly and about a year ago she started having these weird episodes where she couldn't swallow food. It was like her esophagus would just close up. It's been 15 months since 2 hospitalizations and they chalked it all up to stress and she still can't eat solid food. She subsists on Ensure shakes every day. She has a 7 year old, a 2 year old, filed bankruptcy last spring(due to her husband's overspending and credit card debt and his subsequent loss of job due to him starting to smoke pot and live with another girlfriend), and now is losing her house.

I have no idea how she gets up and goes on with her days, quite frankly. It is well known in the medical community that mental stress shows itself in physical symptoms. Take good care of yourself, find a good multivitamin supplement, eat lots of fruits and veggies(I know that might be hard if your stomach is acting up, I have IBS and some days all I can eat is carbs like bread and pasta because they're easy on my system), and try to get some rest.

My cousin had some help with her adrenal fatigue, and emotional issues that made it worse, by using a sort of biofeedback therapy. She found it so useful that she bought a biofeedback chair for her house. She, too, has been hospitalized for overwhelming issues with stress and symptoms that really have no true physical cause.

Hugs to you tonight! Sending you lots of support, please know you are not alone.

Recovering2

Dear lillamy, you bring up a very important issue for those of us caught up in the family disease of alcoholism. It IS a contagious disease...we who love/have loved an alcoholic become as ill as they are. Over time, we suffer the physical consequences of dealing with this. We can't save them, but we can take the steps to save our own health.

Thank you for sharing this.

FireSprite

What a great reminder for us all to prioritize a little self care whenever we can! I had a similar experience with my body being so physically run down & abused from the stress of living with an alcoholic. I was so out of balance that I couldn't even separate my issues enough to pinpoint the roots & previously I had been in amazing health; physically & mentally. My adrenals were so drained that the pressure points that correspond to them (in my hands/feet) literally ached & throbbed. My entire body hurt, I couldn't focus on anything, couldn't sleep well & my fatigue was overwhelming.

I have spent the better part of the last 2 years rebuilding my health & it is a slow process considering how quickly the deterioration happened to begin with. I have healed a lot of my physical ailments but in embracing my recovery fully, I'm finding that as I heal a layer physically, I expose a layer emotionally & find yet more work to be done, lol.

Thanks for this post, it reminds me to spend some time focusing on me this weekend!

MamaKit

This is an important thing to talk about. When I first joined this forum, there was a thread on a topic similar to this. It warned of the impacts on our physical health years of living with an A can have. It frightened me quite a lot ...because I am the one ...the only one...who is in a position to take care of my boys and I also have a chronic autoimmune inflammatory bowel disease. I've been in deep remission for some time since having surgery and I knew that I couldn't afford to relapse.
After all that happened and with the nudging of a very good friend, I tried very hard to focus on maintaining my health. What worked for me was strength training (hard style kettle bells and crossfit). Not only did I put some muscle on my frame (which I never really had before) but it also had the emotional impact of making me feel strong.
Even with the exercise and an improved diet, I have issues with headaches, fatigue, and sometimes acne (c'mon!!!! wrinkles and acne at the same time?!!!?? .....that is just wrong, wrong, wrong!)

We must remember to take care of ourselves and our bodies....it seems unfair to work so hard to cope with or move on from life with an A and then be too physically spent to enjoy it!

Hugs,
MamaKit

Hammer

Even moderate exercise (combined with something you like, if you do not like exercise) can help quite a bit.

Walking (to go do something you enjoy).

Or combine a couple of other things -- bend and stretch to fold the laundry.

I started some old Army type exercise, again lately -- used to max the Army PT prepping for Ranger School. But I quit running probably 10 more years ago because of pain in the knees from all the old running in boots. But with all that off-time, my knees seem in good shape again, and I can go out and put down a half mile or more.

Seen recommendations here and at the Borderline site (Borderline Personality Disorder - Support group for families and relationship partners) for keeping fit during emotional stress, and I agree.

Funny part has been Mrs. Hammer. She figured I was doing it do "make her jealous" as she had been banned from exercise as part of the Eating Disorder / Anorexia stuff. Yes, Princess -- everything is Always All About you. She got cleared for moderate exercise and last month and jogged around the lake with me.

Pretty nice day here. Just I will go for a run around the lake, now.

See you, thank you all for being, and being here.

sunnshinegirl

Lillamy, I'm so sorry you are not feeling well and suffering with physical ailments. I think many of us do underestimate the damage that can be caused by living in such stressful situations. I have headaches all the time and I'm self medicating at the moment with food and packing on the pounds. Just wanted to reach out to you and let you know you are not alone and thank you for your post.

lillamy

Thank you all -- again, I meant this as a reminder to us all to take care of ourselves , not a"poor me" post. It's easy to forget the physical Healy part until it smacks is upside the head...

Hammer, that's the most frustrating part for me - the periods when I can't exercise. That's normally my go-to for everything - stress relief, fun, sleep aide... And boy, you evil man you, exercising just to taunt her...LOL

DreamsofSerenity

Alcoholism IS contagious. I sadly remember popping Zantac with my ex: he because of alcohol related gastritis and I because of alcoholic related stress.

I totally agree that exercise is critical. Iyengar yoga in particular has saved me. I come from a Western medical family but believe in yoga's power to heal probably more than anything else.

Anyway, thank you for posting this thread. It has made me so grateful that the alcoholic is out of my life.

wicked

"Well, well well,"
'talking to myself)
"I wonder if this has anything to do with my "sudden attack" by my pancreas last year."
I was prescribed omeprazole for my acid reflux, every day for my stomach acids.
Another lightening bolt from the sky.
Yeah, time to surrender.




Beth

The second white flag is identified as truce, but I like to think of it as gratefully surrendering.

Argnotthisagain

lilamy, thanks for your post. I was a physical wreck as a result of the stress too. I didnt even realize while I was still in the r-ship.

I needed this thread too, because I still yearn for my ex. Or rather, the man I fantasized him to be. You know..yearning and craving comfort from the abuser...... I haven't even seen him in two years...subsisted on occasional crumbs in email and text messages after he moved out until this past Christmas, when I cut him off.

Hey Beth, I was popping omeprazole too, and pepto bismol....then had gall bladder surgery. The A was very supportive, and I remember thinking at least now he was being nice and loving. And, I remembered how the life threatening chronic bowel disease I had my entire childhood at least made my mother be nice to me when I was hospitalized. Being visibly ill made them behave themselves....

Anyway, I wasn't happy about all the omeprazole. Found out that it's not something you want to remain on. Then I happened to come across other info that gave me an idea: I got digestive enzymes! From the supplements section at the food store. I specifically picked out the one that included the most enzyme types, especially lipase, which helps break down fat, which I was having particalar trouble with.

It works great, and after a while, I hardly ever need to take them anymore.

theseithakas

It's really startling how much stress can affect our health. In my college years, I had such severe anxiety issues that I physically couldn't eat. Anyone who knows me knows how much I love eating, so it was a really trying time. Now I have a whole host of other GI issues that are definitely worsened by stress, so I have to be very careful when things get hairy at work or with ABF. I rely heavily in distance running to manage my stress and anxiety. I've actually wondered if others on this forum are runners as well, so speak up if you are!

Glad to hear that we're all doing the best we can to take care of ourselves. I think the stomach is really one of the body parts that really crumbles under excessive stress, so take care everyone!

butterfly2013

Thanks, everyone, I am loving this self-care thread.

I just so happened to come back from a dentist appointment today. The dentist said that I grind my teeth at night, which was kind of shocking to hear. She said it could be stress related (ding ding ding! I've been worried sick over my AXBF's recent episodes revolving around alcohol and our son, as well as our recent custody dispute.) She also said that since I am constantly working my jaw muscles in my sleep, that I probably do not get a good night's sleep because I am not relaxing. This can also lead to headaches, tension in the neck and shoulders, etc. Then she showed me a picture of a long-term teeth grinder's teeth. ACK!! It was certainly eye-opening!

There is a saying I read in a novel once, "The body always knows." The pain can physically manifest in our bodies in so many different ways.

I currently don't have an exercise or meditation regime, but everyone has provided some good ideas. I am making a pledge to myself to love myself enough to stop this stress/teeth grinding problem by taking up new, healthy measures.

Sending light to all!

BtheChange

I was grinding my teeth too. I was on a self care kick so I splurged and got one of the fancy dentist-made mouth guards. I feel so much more rested when I wake up now. There is a big difference for me, and on the nights I forget to use it I can tell the next morning because I wake up a little tired.
Also, as soon as I left my AH--I mean that very same night--my back pain disappeared. It was on again off again for years and it didn't matter what kind of mattress I had, how much I stretched, etc. It is amazing how the body can clue us into the things our heads let us ignore! I use running to cope with stress too. Running has saved my sanity in every difficult time in my life since I was a child.
Typing this on my phone, so excuse the typos!

LifeRecovery

I agree with all that was written.

I think the physical stuff can be a little more subtle to (or it was there and I did not recognize it until in retrospect). I could not figure out about the time I realized drinking was in my marriage why my hips felt SO tight that it made running more challenging. I then started to experience the hunch shoulders too (I am only in my mid thirties).

I was just so contracted. My body was showing me just what I was doing with my emotions, thoughts and words. Physically I was all curled up like and armadillo in the same way I had to protect myself in the other realms.

It is only now (over two years later) that I finally feel like I am getting a stride back, hips still ache on occasion (there is a lot of emotion still kind of stuck there but my shoulders have released).