prodigal

I reallly needed a few positive pats on the back, particularly after my AH started on me again this morning. Basicallly, I had less than 30 seconds to get my butt in line, according to him, and start being a wife rather than the free-ride "gold digger" I am. (His words, not mine.) Yeah, like I'm going to make a major life decision with a stop watch ticking in my face!

To top that off, he informed me with GREAT relish (he was stone-cold sober - even nastier when he's that way ...) that EVERYONE counseled him before we got married that I was bad news. According to him, his family, his best friend, and his best friend's family intimated I was just using him for a free meal ticket.

I MET HIS FAMILY LESS THAN 24 HOURS BEFORE WE GOT MARRIED FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE!!! How would these people know what I was about or who I was without ever having set eyes on me??? Now I find out that his best friend - a guy I thought liked me - counseled against the marriage as well - and this was a guy who spent weekends with us and was nice to my face! (P.S. - I had a high-paying job when we got married and quit three month's later to go life with my H. He told me that was not the real reason I quit - I just wanted that free "pie in the sky" meal ticket!)

I guess the biggest shock is sitting in a room with my H, and having him say so adamantly, "NOBODY likes you, except for your cousin. NOBODY LIKES YOU."

Man, I sure want to get all smoochy and lovey-dovey with this guy when he talks to lovingly to me. Further proof that I'm nothing but a leach: I avoid him, won't have sex with him, thus I'm USING HIM!!!

Sigh. Don't these A's ever stop destroying everybody in their path???

sunflowergal29

Gee, I swear there is a manual about how to successfully put your wife down and get her in her place! I've heard this line before- no one likes you. Instead of taking it personally, picture him as a duck quacking away, or imagine a big "SICK" banner across his forehead!
You know, even if these people made these suggestions, maybe they did it b/c they know what he's like (just a thought). Regardless, do not take it personally, and trust me he is just trying to get you to a nice low point, to take the focus off of him and what he has done.
Hope you are ok, I'll send some prayers your way.
-SFG29

mary559

WOW, This guy is not prince charming. You do realize that this has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. Sometimes when they sober up I am realizing their brains are even more warped when sober than when drunk. I know my AH mom is bipolar and can't help but think it might be a chemical inbalance thing. My H I think is a little scared to find out. Good luck my prayers are with you.
Mary

rivercitybelle

Hmm... they must hand out a manual on how to be a mean drunk and meaner sober. I heard very similar things from my ex-AH. What I found out later is that these facts existed only in his mind. Hang in there and continue to work on you. SFG has some good ideas... quack, quack, quack .
RCB

jojo

My AH told me that my sister (who also happens to be my best friend) and my older daughter didn't like me either. They just want to spread their pain around. It is kind of hard to shut off their voices but if you can remember that their sole purpose is to hurt you and make you feel as lousy as they do, it does seem a little easier to put into perspective.

By the way, my daughter who didn't like me, drove 10 hours to pick me and all my belongings up to come and live with her when things got too bad. Not too bad for someone who couldn't stand me!!!!!!

Take care.

Hugs, Jo

myles1

Hahahahahahaha,

Prodigal he's just trying to get you "back in your place."

You've been coming to Alanon,changing your behaviours with him. He feels he's losing control so he's going to say ANYTHING to hurt you if he thinks he'll get his control back.

Nothing to do with you , all about him.

Ngaire

Grace

Myles always says it so well.

My A b/f tells me that I'm so f**king stupid and have no brains. I just recently graduated from college with a 3.89 gpa. He didn't graduate from high school. I'm not bragging, nor am I putting him down. As one of my friends on here informed me, the put downs are often associated with their very own fears and insecurities. My b/f also informed me in one of his drunken stupors that I'm a lousy lover. Not long before that he admitted that his libido is diminished and he has difficulty in some areas (if you know what I mean). So, now I'm beginning to see that his drunken rages and name calling are very often related to his own negative feelings about himself.

It is vicious! They can be so nice and kind for a little while and then it happens again. I, personally, don't think they'll change or improve until the alcohol is out of their system for a long time, and then they need to get counseling for their psychological problems or emotional issues.

As I see it, I have some serious issues to deal with myself or else I wouldn't still be here. It's like living with a time bomb, only difference is we are being destroyed slowly. [/B]IF we allow it. I have detached from his cruel comments. I am enjoying my life and learning to love myself all over again. I am working on me and not worrying about him.

I have learned SOOOOOO much from my friends on here.

Helping Myself

My A bf has told me that I am insecure and negative, but that is the worst things he has said to me and I have been with him for 2 years. He has started putting HIMSELF down now, saying that he is worthless and "just a good-for-nothing drunk." I have told him that he is not worthless and not a good-for-nothing person. He is a drunk and he knows that, so I didn't include that part. I got so sick of hearing it last night that I finally said "If you feel that way, then why don't you quit drinking?" He said "I can't" and then went to get another a beer. I don't even know how to respond to him anymore or if I even should respond.

whiplash

I swear I think we're all married to the same guy!!

whatnow

Are you sure that those people really said that. Sounds to me that he wants you to hurt as much as he is and said those things to upset you and their probably not true. Everytime that I tell my AH something he has to lash back at me with something worse that he knows will hurt me to make himself feel better. Deep down I think your husband knows he is a failure.

MissyBelle

I've read this thread a couple times trying to decide whether to respond or not. Finally decided what the hell....

I know it is said that alcoholics and addicts quack. Take a long hard look at this guy Prodigal, I don't think he's a duck.

I hear oinking. JMO, of course.

smoke gets in my eyes

Magichappens

I won't take that personally Missy.

MootPoint

myles1

:band

Remember Prodigal:

SICK, PSYCHOLOGICAL VAMPIRES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ngaire