Time and its meaning now
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Time and its meaning now
Hello Peeps.
Thank you for all your support and comfort through my trials and tribulations, celebrations and rantings. I needed all of you, and still do. When I think of my struggles with alcohol, and over the years there has been many, I think of how hard it was to give up the liquid "Friend". I was not done with my experimenting, excusing, rationalizing, justifying, struggling....etc. Today is a different story. I have been banned from the substance. I do not think of drinking and If I do, I think of how terrible it has and will be for me. I think of all that I could lose and all that I have put people through with my alcoholism. No one deserved my behaviors, but most importantly I deserved so much more. Feeling wrecked and hungover everyday was a nightmare. I longed to feel better, but I could not grasp the thought that living without alcohol could be permanent. I could not fathom not drinking. That is until I lost myself and my mental health on a plane in the air one evening. I lost my job, almost lost my marriage, and had to try to walk into the world with a deep humiliation that I have never ever felt before in my life. As much as I regret the situation there is nothing that I can do to change it. I needed to be on that plane wasted and out of my mind. I needed to experience what alcohol really was in my life, so that I could be free of the grip that it had on me.
A few weeks ago I passed my first course in University with an A. I started my own little business and I am started to see that there is lift off. I am focused and determined to make something of myself. A better me. I can look in the mirror and say " Good Work. Your Awesome" ( Who doesnt talk to themselves in the mirror?)
My husband and I no longer argue, and everyday is remembered. I am beginning to trust myself, and my family is trusting me again.
So, this sobriety thing can be difficult if we make it difficult. I am not saying this is easy, but this is far easier than the places that I went to while under the influence, meaning emotional turmoil, confusion, complete absence, overwhelming feelings, a person that I do not know. Sobriety makes sense these days. I am grateful to have learned what I am made of. I am grateful for the endless support from this forum. I know this is one day at a time. I do not have an arrogance thinking that I am exempt from falling down again. I know that I have to work at my sobriety daily, and this is why I wrote a novel for you to read.
Thank you for all your support and comfort through my trials and tribulations, celebrations and rantings. I needed all of you, and still do. When I think of my struggles with alcohol, and over the years there has been many, I think of how hard it was to give up the liquid "Friend". I was not done with my experimenting, excusing, rationalizing, justifying, struggling....etc. Today is a different story. I have been banned from the substance. I do not think of drinking and If I do, I think of how terrible it has and will be for me. I think of all that I could lose and all that I have put people through with my alcoholism. No one deserved my behaviors, but most importantly I deserved so much more. Feeling wrecked and hungover everyday was a nightmare. I longed to feel better, but I could not grasp the thought that living without alcohol could be permanent. I could not fathom not drinking. That is until I lost myself and my mental health on a plane in the air one evening. I lost my job, almost lost my marriage, and had to try to walk into the world with a deep humiliation that I have never ever felt before in my life. As much as I regret the situation there is nothing that I can do to change it. I needed to be on that plane wasted and out of my mind. I needed to experience what alcohol really was in my life, so that I could be free of the grip that it had on me.
A few weeks ago I passed my first course in University with an A. I started my own little business and I am started to see that there is lift off. I am focused and determined to make something of myself. A better me. I can look in the mirror and say " Good Work. Your Awesome" ( Who doesnt talk to themselves in the mirror?)
My husband and I no longer argue, and everyday is remembered. I am beginning to trust myself, and my family is trusting me again.
So, this sobriety thing can be difficult if we make it difficult. I am not saying this is easy, but this is far easier than the places that I went to while under the influence, meaning emotional turmoil, confusion, complete absence, overwhelming feelings, a person that I do not know. Sobriety makes sense these days. I am grateful to have learned what I am made of. I am grateful for the endless support from this forum. I know this is one day at a time. I do not have an arrogance thinking that I am exempt from falling down again. I know that I have to work at my sobriety daily, and this is why I wrote a novel for you to read.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,920
You are right on Miz. Congrats on your A and your business. We can do so many more things when sober. Drinking is so selfish and I am learning to think more of others and less of my self. Alcohol really narrowed my thinking. Stay strong!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: The Emerald City
Posts: 434
Big congratulations on your A Mizzuno, and that's fantastic about your new business taking off! (I'm starting the transition from employee to self employed and it's encouraging to hear your story.) I loved reading your inspiring post, ...are we also very grateful to you. 
Nothing is impossible!
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: EAGAN
Posts: 792
Originally Posted by Mizzuno 
Hello Peeps.
Thank you for all your support and comfort through my trials and tribulations, celebrations and rantings. I needed all of you, and still do. When I think of my struggles with alcohol, and over the years there has been many, I think of how hard it was to give up the liquid "Friend". I was not done with my experimenting, excusing, rationalizing, justifying, struggling....etc. Today is a different story. I have been banned from the substance. I do not think of drinking and If I do, I think of how terrible it has and will be for me. I think of all that I could lose and all that I have put people through with my alcoholism. No one deserved my behaviors, but most importantly I deserved so much more. Feeling wrecked and hungover everyday was a nightmare. I longed to feel better, but I could not grasp the thought that living without alcohol could be permanent. I could not fathom not drinking. That is until I lost myself and my mental health on a plane in the air one evening. I lost my job, almost lost my marriage, and had to try to walk into the world with a deep humiliation that I have never ever felt before in my life. As much as I regret the situation there is nothing that I can do to change it. I needed to be on that plane wasted and out of my mind. I needed to experience what alcohol really was in my life, so that I could be free of the grip that it had on me.
A few weeks ago I passed my first course in University with an A. I started my own little business and I am started to see that there is lift off. I am focused and determined to make something of myself. A better me. I can look in the mirror and say " Good Work. Your Awesome" ( Who doesnt talk to themselves in the mirror?)
My husband and I no longer argue, and everyday is remembered. I am beginning to trust myself, and my family is trusting me again.
So, this sobriety thing can be difficult if we make it difficult. I am not saying this is easy, but this is far easier than the places that I went to while under the influence, meaning emotional turmoil, confusion, complete absence, overwhelming feelings, a person that I do not know. Sobriety makes sense these days. I am grateful to have learned what I am made of. I am grateful for the endless support from this forum. I know this is one day at a time. I do not have an arrogance thinking that I am exempt from falling down again. I know that I have to work at my sobriety daily, and this is why I wrote a novel for you to read.
Thank you for all your support and comfort through my trials and tribulations, celebrations and rantings. I needed all of you, and still do. When I think of my struggles with alcohol, and over the years there has been many, I think of how hard it was to give up the liquid "Friend". I was not done with my experimenting, excusing, rationalizing, justifying, struggling....etc. Today is a different story. I have been banned from the substance. I do not think of drinking and If I do, I think of how terrible it has and will be for me. I think of all that I could lose and all that I have put people through with my alcoholism. No one deserved my behaviors, but most importantly I deserved so much more. Feeling wrecked and hungover everyday was a nightmare. I longed to feel better, but I could not grasp the thought that living without alcohol could be permanent. I could not fathom not drinking. That is until I lost myself and my mental health on a plane in the air one evening. I lost my job, almost lost my marriage, and had to try to walk into the world with a deep humiliation that I have never ever felt before in my life. As much as I regret the situation there is nothing that I can do to change it. I needed to be on that plane wasted and out of my mind. I needed to experience what alcohol really was in my life, so that I could be free of the grip that it had on me.
A few weeks ago I passed my first course in University with an A. I started my own little business and I am started to see that there is lift off. I am focused and determined to make something of myself. A better me. I can look in the mirror and say " Good Work. Your Awesome" ( Who doesnt talk to themselves in the mirror?)
My husband and I no longer argue, and everyday is remembered. I am beginning to trust myself, and my family is trusting me again.
So, this sobriety thing can be difficult if we make it difficult. I am not saying this is easy, but this is far easier than the places that I went to while under the influence, meaning emotional turmoil, confusion, complete absence, overwhelming feelings, a person that I do not know. Sobriety makes sense these days. I am grateful to have learned what I am made of. I am grateful for the endless support from this forum. I know this is one day at a time. I do not have an arrogance thinking that I am exempt from falling down again. I know that I have to work at my sobriety daily, and this is why I wrote a novel for you to read.
I love hearing these uplifting stories of triumph. Way to go on your sobriety and all you are accomplishing and learning. Thank you for this post!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
