Young alcoholic - things to get off my chest...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: London
Posts: 369
Young alcoholic - things to get off my chest...
Okay so I'm new to this and only just approaching my twentieth birthday I am under no illusion that I will probably be younger than most here. However, I feel my descent into alcoholism has been impossibly quick and with it I have experienced many of the same horrors as those who have carried the burden of this addiction for many years.
To start with some context, I began drinking at 15 but at this stage the frequency, quantities and settings in which I drank certainly didn't indicate anything out of the ordinary for a lad of my age. It was not until I was 18 and my sister suffered a psychotic episode that my drinking began to spiral out of control. She was the most confident and sociable person and so the psychotic episode, although brief, was very harrowing. She is fortunately okay now and has had no recurrence of it for two years. However, it left me with tremendous residual anxiety. Drinking for the first time became medicinal as opposed to recreational. I started university later that year and used alcohol increasingly disguising my fears that the problem was becoming worse by saying all students do it etc. however I felt very homesick and began drinking on my own in my dorm. I realised this had to stop and so began a cycle that ended for the last (I pray) 1 month ago.
I would go for anywhere between 40-50 days without a drink, feel great and like my old self, but I would slip and take a drink feeling that I had regained control. This would lead to a 10 day binge, on my own consisting of vodka. During these days everything would be ******. My room a state, barely eating, poor attendance at uni etc. until after the ten days I would stop. And so the cycle would repeat... But after a couple of repeats the binges became worse and worse. The quantities shot up to at least 700ml of vodka a day easy. And the withdrawals started...panic attacks, shakes etc but I was able to detox on my own.... Until my last binge.... I drank a litre of vodka per day and my flat mates alerted the university after heRing me vomiting one night profusely. the university decided to call an a,bulance which took me to the hospital to detox. My room floor was covered in vodka bottles and the cleaners later charged me 90£ in return for a cleaning service. I returned from the hospital and had a meeting the college welfare officer. We agreed I should go home to sort out the problem and take my exams in August instead.
And that was one month ago.... I already feel much better not drinking but cannot get complacent because one drink equals an insane binge. The doctor in the hospital when I was detoxing felt my liver and said it wasn't cirrhosis but give another yeAr it could be. That scared the hell out of me but I had blood tests done a week ago and the results show no signs of liver damage thank god. But I feel I've ridden the ride of alcoholism nearly to its bitter end in just 1 year of drinking.
Sorry for the long post but I've been reading this site a lot lately and you guys are all really a testament to the positive nature of humanity!
To start with some context, I began drinking at 15 but at this stage the frequency, quantities and settings in which I drank certainly didn't indicate anything out of the ordinary for a lad of my age. It was not until I was 18 and my sister suffered a psychotic episode that my drinking began to spiral out of control. She was the most confident and sociable person and so the psychotic episode, although brief, was very harrowing. She is fortunately okay now and has had no recurrence of it for two years. However, it left me with tremendous residual anxiety. Drinking for the first time became medicinal as opposed to recreational. I started university later that year and used alcohol increasingly disguising my fears that the problem was becoming worse by saying all students do it etc. however I felt very homesick and began drinking on my own in my dorm. I realised this had to stop and so began a cycle that ended for the last (I pray) 1 month ago.
I would go for anywhere between 40-50 days without a drink, feel great and like my old self, but I would slip and take a drink feeling that I had regained control. This would lead to a 10 day binge, on my own consisting of vodka. During these days everything would be ******. My room a state, barely eating, poor attendance at uni etc. until after the ten days I would stop. And so the cycle would repeat... But after a couple of repeats the binges became worse and worse. The quantities shot up to at least 700ml of vodka a day easy. And the withdrawals started...panic attacks, shakes etc but I was able to detox on my own.... Until my last binge.... I drank a litre of vodka per day and my flat mates alerted the university after heRing me vomiting one night profusely. the university decided to call an a,bulance which took me to the hospital to detox. My room floor was covered in vodka bottles and the cleaners later charged me 90£ in return for a cleaning service. I returned from the hospital and had a meeting the college welfare officer. We agreed I should go home to sort out the problem and take my exams in August instead.
And that was one month ago.... I already feel much better not drinking but cannot get complacent because one drink equals an insane binge. The doctor in the hospital when I was detoxing felt my liver and said it wasn't cirrhosis but give another yeAr it could be. That scared the hell out of me but I had blood tests done a week ago and the results show no signs of liver damage thank god. But I feel I've ridden the ride of alcoholism nearly to its bitter end in just 1 year of drinking.
Sorry for the long post but I've been reading this site a lot lately and you guys are all really a testament to the positive nature of humanity!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Hi Matty and welcome.
I started drinking at 18 and having blackouts by 19. There were small time frames that I did not drink. At these times I was not sober by any means, just not drinking.
The first drink always got me drunk. There was no control after the first. I did not want to control it. I did not enjoy it if I was controlling it.
At the end I could not even feel drunk, I was, but I kept feeling like I was chasing the drunk.
There is a lot of help and support here.
I started drinking at 18 and having blackouts by 19. There were small time frames that I did not drink. At these times I was not sober by any means, just not drinking.
The first drink always got me drunk. There was no control after the first. I did not want to control it. I did not enjoy it if I was controlling it.
At the end I could not even feel drunk, I was, but I kept feeling like I was chasing the drunk.
There is a lot of help and support here.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Cleveland, OH
Posts: 38
I'm not much older than you and I really do feel for you. My drinking is just as out of control. I haven't been able to stop, but I've finally decided to quit. Like you, I've tried before and failed. I honestly hope things get better for you. I haven't even been sober for a day, but I'm finding difficulty with it. It's hard but there is support. Stay strong!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Atlanta, Ga
Posts: 291
Alcoholism knows no age, it will get you eventually if you let it. Proud of you for taking the right steps by being honest and seeking help. You will be successful and live a happy sober life if you continue to desire it. Embrace yourself and congratulations on making a major life change.
Keep posting and never feel you are too young. Age is a number.
Keep posting and never feel you are too young. Age is a number.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Chicago Burbs- Illinois
Posts: 202
I'm 28, and I wish I had gotten sober at 19 it would have saved me 10 years of suffering. I run into a lot of 35 year olds who wish they had gotten sober at 28, and a lot of 50 year olds who wish they had gotten sober at 35 lol.
This thing doesn't get better- its important to remember that- everyone hopes it will die down or we will grow out of it or whatever but it always progresses.
It doesn't sound like you have destroyed your life- which I can relate to as someone who also hasn't destroyed my life. The problem is staying motivated to want to be sober- its almost like we want to prove that we can destroy ourselves before we admit we need help and to stop.
This thing doesn't get better- its important to remember that- everyone hopes it will die down or we will grow out of it or whatever but it always progresses.
It doesn't sound like you have destroyed your life- which I can relate to as someone who also hasn't destroyed my life. The problem is staying motivated to want to be sober- its almost like we want to prove that we can destroy ourselves before we admit we need help and to stop.
Nothing is impossible!
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: EAGAN
Posts: 792
Originally Posted by MattyBoy 
Okay so I'm new to this and only just approaching my twentieth birthday I am under no illusion that I will probably be younger than most here. However, I feel my descent into alcoholism has been impossibly quick and with it I have experienced many of the same horrors as those who have carried the burden of this addiction for many years.
To start with some context, I began drinking at 15 but at this stage the frequency, quantities and settings in which I drank certainly didn't indicate anything out of the ordinary for a lad of my age. It was not until I was 18 and my sister suffered a psychotic episode that my drinking began to spiral out of control. She was the most confident and sociable person and so the psychotic episode, although brief, was very harrowing. She is fortunately okay now and has had no recurrence of it for two years. However, it left me with tremendous residual anxiety. Drinking for the first time became medicinal as opposed to recreational. I started university later that year and used alcohol increasingly disguising my fears that the problem was becoming worse by saying all students do it etc. however I felt very homesick and began drinking on my own in my dorm. I realised this had to stop and so began a cycle that ended for the last (I pray) 1 month ago.
I would go for anywhere between 40-50 days without a drink, feel great and like my old self, but I would slip and take a drink feeling that I had regained control. This would lead to a 10 day binge, on my own consisting of vodka. During these days everything would be ******. My room a state, barely eating, poor attendance at uni etc. until after the ten days I would stop. And so the cycle would repeat... But after a couple of repeats the binges became worse and worse. The quantities shot up to at least 700ml of vodka a day easy. And the withdrawals started...panic attacks, shakes etc but I was able to detox on my own.... Until my last binge.... I drank a litre of vodka per day and my flat mates alerted the university after heRing me vomiting one night profusely. the university decided to call an a,bulance which took me to the hospital to detox. My room floor was covered in vodka bottles and the cleaners later charged me 90£ in return for a cleaning service. I returned from the hospital and had a meeting the college welfare officer. We agreed I should go home to sort out the problem and take my exams in August instead.
And that was one month ago.... I already feel much better not drinking but cannot get complacent because one drink equals an insane binge. The doctor in the hospital when I was detoxing felt my liver and said it wasn't cirrhosis but give another yeAr it could be. That scared the hell out of me but I had blood tests done a week ago and the results show no signs of liver damage thank god. But I feel I've ridden the ride of alcoholism nearly to its bitter end in just 1 year of drinking.
Sorry for the long post but I've been reading this site a lot lately and you guys are all really a testament to the positive nature of humanity!
To start with some context, I began drinking at 15 but at this stage the frequency, quantities and settings in which I drank certainly didn't indicate anything out of the ordinary for a lad of my age. It was not until I was 18 and my sister suffered a psychotic episode that my drinking began to spiral out of control. She was the most confident and sociable person and so the psychotic episode, although brief, was very harrowing. She is fortunately okay now and has had no recurrence of it for two years. However, it left me with tremendous residual anxiety. Drinking for the first time became medicinal as opposed to recreational. I started university later that year and used alcohol increasingly disguising my fears that the problem was becoming worse by saying all students do it etc. however I felt very homesick and began drinking on my own in my dorm. I realised this had to stop and so began a cycle that ended for the last (I pray) 1 month ago.
I would go for anywhere between 40-50 days without a drink, feel great and like my old self, but I would slip and take a drink feeling that I had regained control. This would lead to a 10 day binge, on my own consisting of vodka. During these days everything would be ******. My room a state, barely eating, poor attendance at uni etc. until after the ten days I would stop. And so the cycle would repeat... But after a couple of repeats the binges became worse and worse. The quantities shot up to at least 700ml of vodka a day easy. And the withdrawals started...panic attacks, shakes etc but I was able to detox on my own.... Until my last binge.... I drank a litre of vodka per day and my flat mates alerted the university after heRing me vomiting one night profusely. the university decided to call an a,bulance which took me to the hospital to detox. My room floor was covered in vodka bottles and the cleaners later charged me 90£ in return for a cleaning service. I returned from the hospital and had a meeting the college welfare officer. We agreed I should go home to sort out the problem and take my exams in August instead.
And that was one month ago.... I already feel much better not drinking but cannot get complacent because one drink equals an insane binge. The doctor in the hospital when I was detoxing felt my liver and said it wasn't cirrhosis but give another yeAr it could be. That scared the hell out of me but I had blood tests done a week ago and the results show no signs of liver damage thank god. But I feel I've ridden the ride of alcoholism nearly to its bitter end in just 1 year of drinking.
Sorry for the long post but I've been reading this site a lot lately and you guys are all really a testament to the positive nature of humanity!
There is no timeline for alcoholism, it effects some much faster than others, which is what happened to you. Good news is, you are super young and can take control of this NOW so it doesnt have to be a constant struggle for the rest of your life. I wish I knew at your age what I know now, but I think everyone says that, lol. You need to realize that alcohol makes you anxiety SO much worse. I have anxiety too and alcohol is like throwing gas on the fire, especially when I was hungover. Also, once you reach a certain level of alcoholism, it never goes away. When you quit and pick up that one drink thinking you regained control or things have changed, you start right back where you left off. That is the trick of addiction. It tells you that you weren't that bad, things weren't that bad, or maybe this time will be different, because your circumstances have changed. Its never different! You will go right back to how you drank before you quit every single time. EVERY time, nothing can change this. You will not learn to moderate your consumption, nor will you be able to go out and enjoy 1 cocktail with dinner, because you are an alcoholic. There is no shame in it, it is what it is. Get some help, research everything, and stay strong. You can totally change your life around, but you have to be proactive. One step at a time buddy!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: London
Posts: 369
Thanks for all your replies, means a lot . I know me and alcohol are over but at 19 it's hard to say never again! I don't wanna drink ATM but I'm keeping my guard up for those times when it's gonna be a nice sunny day, having a BBQ with family and friends and that little devil on my shoulder will start niggling away , saying "go on, you're normal, have a drink like everyone else, you're being a bore!" . Also having to put with people asking why I'm not drinking and feeling as though I have to justify having a coke over a substance which, if I'd carried on using, may have cirrhosis before I'm 30! Anyway, just gotta work on it one day at a time as we all do. Peace and love.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,066
Have you thought of looking into Alcoholics Anonymous? There is probably a group at or near your university. You are not alone, it can be very helpful to get face-to-face support from those who understand your situation.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: North England, UK
Posts: 214
Hey Matty,
Your binges are startling similar to mine, vodka binges for a week or so, then nothing for a decent amount of time... each time the binges got worse.
I'm older, but still late 20's, but I think these kind of binges are the ones that have 2 options when carried on.
Either die of alcohol poisoning, or die of liver damage quickly.
I remember watching jeremy kyle (hate it, but it was on) once and there was a 19 yr old who's mum was on. He had died of liver failure. I'll never forget his yellow face.
You are doing great at 1 month, and I hope you can not let any of those addictive tricks let you pick up a drink again.
Your binges are startling similar to mine, vodka binges for a week or so, then nothing for a decent amount of time... each time the binges got worse.
I'm older, but still late 20's, but I think these kind of binges are the ones that have 2 options when carried on.
Either die of alcohol poisoning, or die of liver damage quickly.
I remember watching jeremy kyle (hate it, but it was on) once and there was a 19 yr old who's mum was on. He had died of liver failure. I'll never forget his yellow face.
You are doing great at 1 month, and I hope you can not let any of those addictive tricks let you pick up a drink again.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 861
Welcome Matty. I also went down very fast with alcohol. It's not uncommon for it to be a problem early on. Congrats on stopping for a month. You're wise to be on guard. I relapsed when I got complacent.
Keep posting. I'm glad you found us here. You might find support groups helpful too. In the US, AA has meetings for younger people; Might also exist in the UK. There are other groups too (such as SMART Recovery). Or some sort of ongoing treatment group. Or one-to-one counseling. For some, posting here is enough. For others, it helps to have f2f meetings and support.
Keep posting. I'm glad you found us here. You might find support groups helpful too. In the US, AA has meetings for younger people; Might also exist in the UK. There are other groups too (such as SMART Recovery). Or some sort of ongoing treatment group. Or one-to-one counseling. For some, posting here is enough. For others, it helps to have f2f meetings and support.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: De
Posts: 1,333
Welcome! I started drinking at 12 and threw in the towel with the help of AA one month short of my 18th birthday. By that time I had made the jails, institutions, and brought back from being dead. I would of never lived to be an old alcoholic. Not drinking hasn't stopped me from doing anything in life.
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