I guess she is out of REHAB
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Join Date: Jan 2013
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I guess she is out of REHAB
Got a call from a female friend of mine (married to another friend) today saying EXAG "liked" one of her Facebook photos today. Two days out of rehab, and already on Facebook. I did tell my friend that I didn't want any more updates.
But it got my head spinning. "They weren't really friends, she was my friend! ... Perhaps she contacted her because she knew she would tell me. She is probably not contacting me because she's back with 3rd party, etc." Crazy thinking. And it doesn't help that I dreamt of her last night and woke up hurting and with tears in my eyes.
Yes, she is out of rehab. I want to talk with sober her. So no contact just got a whole lot more difficult.
.... But I am still no contact.
One day at a time.
But it got my head spinning. "They weren't really friends, she was my friend! ... Perhaps she contacted her because she knew she would tell me. She is probably not contacting me because she's back with 3rd party, etc." Crazy thinking. And it doesn't help that I dreamt of her last night and woke up hurting and with tears in my eyes.
Yes, she is out of rehab. I want to talk with sober her. So no contact just got a whole lot more difficult.
.... But I am still no contact.
One day at a time.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New York
Posts: 877
Just because she is dry doesn't mean she is emotionally sober. I would seriously give it time, Crazed--for her sake and yours. Try not to think about what she is doing and tell your friends you don't want any news about her.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,865
The only way to get out is to go through. No one said it would be easy and yes, you will hurt for a while. You may have to force yourself not to think of her, but you are already on the road to recovery. Don't stop now. Maybe allow yourself 15 minutes or so a day to think about it and wonder about it, cry, cuss or whatever, but after that, find something to occupy your mind and drive thoughts of her out. It will take time, but if you are consistent, it will get easier. Continue on the path you are on and keep going. You can do it. 
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,865
What?? If you are referring to me, I wasn't judging nor being sarcastic. I was offering suggestions that might make it easier for you to get through this. I've been where you are and was merely sharing tips I picked up along the way.
Whatever, dude.
Whatever, dude.
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Join Date: Sep 2009
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Originally Posted by Crazed 
I come here for the support and the ability to share. The judgement and sarcasm I can do without.
That is why I tend to leave you alone.
But what are You doing for You?
Storm-Tracking the Hurricane aint going to help You, is it?
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 458
But what are You doing for You?
And I also came to sober recovery to share that a little bitty tag on Facebook triggered some crazy thinking in my head today.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New York
Posts: 877
Crazed, I am also sorry. I think sounded bossy. I just really feel like contacting her would not be a good thing right now for either one of you.
About the FB thing: I agree with Anvilhead that FB can be very destructive. I asked all my friends who are FB friends with my ex to refrain from giving me any news of him whatsoever. I don't think I could handle hearing about anything he is doing or saying on FB; it would just stir the pot. It's not a comment on your reaction (which is understandable), it's a comment about how bad FB is.
Stay strong. I answered my ex's email a couple of weeks ago in a moment of weakness and am still trying to get back on track. Please just focus on you. Your ex is going to do what she is going to do. Maybe someday you two can respectively be healthy enough to reunite, maybe not.
About the FB thing: I agree with Anvilhead that FB can be very destructive. I asked all my friends who are FB friends with my ex to refrain from giving me any news of him whatsoever. I don't think I could handle hearing about anything he is doing or saying on FB; it would just stir the pot. It's not a comment on your reaction (which is understandable), it's a comment about how bad FB is.
Stay strong. I answered my ex's email a couple of weeks ago in a moment of weakness and am still trying to get back on track. Please just focus on you. Your ex is going to do what she is going to do. Maybe someday you two can respectively be healthy enough to reunite, maybe not.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 183
Originally Posted by Crazed
Got a call from a female friend of mine (married to another friend) today saying EXAG "liked" one of her Facebook photos today. Two days out of rehab, and already on Facebook. I did tell my friend that I didn't want any more updates.
But it got my head spinning. "They weren't really friends, she was my friend! ... Perhaps she contacted her because she knew she would tell me. She is probably not contacting me because she's back with 3rd party, etc." Crazy thinking. And it doesn't help that I dreamt of her last night and woke up hurting and with tears in my eyes.
Yes, she is out of rehab. I want to talk with sober her. So no contact just got a whole lot more difficult.
.... But I am still no contact.
One day at a time.
But it got my head spinning. "They weren't really friends, she was my friend! ... Perhaps she contacted her because she knew she would tell me. She is probably not contacting me because she's back with 3rd party, etc." Crazy thinking. And it doesn't help that I dreamt of her last night and woke up hurting and with tears in my eyes.
Yes, she is out of rehab. I want to talk with sober her. So no contact just got a whole lot more difficult.
.... But I am still no contact.
One day at a time.
She doesn't even know who she is, and wont for a long long time. We all sometimes wake up with tears in our eyes, it just means you are missing what you thought you had. Let her get healthy if that is in her cards. Re-engaging right now is probably not the best idea. If you two were meant to be together, she will get there one day. But it is probably most likely for sure not the day she got out of rehab.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
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Originally Posted by owathu
She doesn't even know who she is, and wont for a long long time. We all sometimes wake up with tears in our eyes, it just means you are missing what you thought you had. Let her get healthy if that is in her cards. Re-engaging right now is probably not the best idea. If you two were meant to be together, she will get there one day. But it is probably most likely for sure not the day she got out of rehab.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Yes, Crazed--any little thing can trigger a wave of grief feelings. I think that Suki had some good advice. I did that once to get through the grief of a broken romance--allowing the "forbidden" thoughts to flow for a certain confined period of time of the day. Then blocking them during the rest of the day. But boy-0-boy, will a trigger cause them to come flooding in!!
hang tight--I think you are making good progress. this is not forever.
dandylion
hang tight--I think you are making good progress. this is not forever.
dandylion
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,754
Crazed, maybe take a step back and breath.
I don't think anyone is being unsupportive, I think the comment about facebook being dangerous is spot on, it's the reason I don't have an account there.
Whatever your x's intention was in liking a post on facebook you will never know, it pains me that someone would actually call you and tell you this is upsetting for me, because for me, it would be a trigger, I got my triggers through emails, or phone calls late at night.
I had to take steps to protect myself, and although there was always a way in, it always made me feel good to do something to minimize the contact.
If you want to talk to her, you will, what I know is that every contact just put me right back in the cycle again. I was obsessed for a time, we would talk, I would get relief, then the cycle would begin again. It truly is an addiction. You have to find a way to relieve the pressure that does not include contact.
The question finally became, how long are you going to ride this ferris wheel.
I feel for you, no one here wants to hurt you.
Sending hugs, Katie
I don't think anyone is being unsupportive, I think the comment about facebook being dangerous is spot on, it's the reason I don't have an account there.
Whatever your x's intention was in liking a post on facebook you will never know, it pains me that someone would actually call you and tell you this is upsetting for me, because for me, it would be a trigger, I got my triggers through emails, or phone calls late at night.
I had to take steps to protect myself, and although there was always a way in, it always made me feel good to do something to minimize the contact.
If you want to talk to her, you will, what I know is that every contact just put me right back in the cycle again. I was obsessed for a time, we would talk, I would get relief, then the cycle would begin again. It truly is an addiction. You have to find a way to relieve the pressure that does not include contact.
The question finally became, how long are you going to ride this ferris wheel.
I feel for you, no one here wants to hurt you.
Sending hugs, Katie
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Join Date: Dec 2008
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Good morning, Crazed. I hope things are a bit better for you today!
Perhaps distracting yourself will be important in the coming days and weeks...Do you have new responsibilities with your promotion? Will you have to travel more than you have in the past? Do you get a new nameplate for the desk (even though it is at home)?
Perhaps distracting yourself will be important in the coming days and weeks...Do you have new responsibilities with your promotion? Will you have to travel more than you have in the past? Do you get a new nameplate for the desk (even though it is at home)?
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
hang in there buddy.
Even well meaning friends may not understand the power of their words. It was so very good of you to express to the friend that you do not want to hear anymore updates.
You are going to have days like this. You are experiencing what so many of us have felt.
I think the fact that she is once again accessible, is triggering all kinds of unhealthy thoughts, and wishful thinking.
No contact was alot easier when she was locked up, here comes the tough part, keep yourself occupied, this will pass if you allow it to. Stay strong.
Even well meaning friends may not understand the power of their words. It was so very good of you to express to the friend that you do not want to hear anymore updates.
You are going to have days like this. You are experiencing what so many of us have felt.
I think the fact that she is once again accessible, is triggering all kinds of unhealthy thoughts, and wishful thinking.
No contact was alot easier when she was locked up, here comes the tough part, keep yourself occupied, this will pass if you allow it to. Stay strong.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
This is a little bit off-topic--but Marie just triggered a memory with her above post.
Suddenly, I remember a very popular soul song from years ago. It says: "Mamma said there would be days like this!" "Mammasaid", "Mammasaid", "Mammasaid"..........
The song is about a young man who is grief-stricken in the throes of a broken romance and the momma has suggested that he find a way to distract himself.
Just thought I would share......
dandylion
Suddenly, I remember a very popular soul song from years ago. It says: "Mamma said there would be days like this!" "Mammasaid", "Mammasaid", "Mammasaid"..........
The song is about a young man who is grief-stricken in the throes of a broken romance and the momma has suggested that he find a way to distract himself.
Just thought I would share......
dandylion
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 220
Originally Posted by Crazed
So no contact just got a whole lot more difficult.
.... But I am still no contact.
One day at a time.
.... But I am still no contact.
One day at a time.
Just like the alcoholic doesn't have a clear head to act (rather than react) until they have a period of abstinence from alcohol, we don't have that ability until we have a period of abstinence from our addicted loved ones. You have acted, rather than reacted.
This is a great reminder to me of how important it is to keep up the detachment.
I'll keep up that one day at a time with you!
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
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my comment was not made in sarcasm, but more incredulity...that ANYONE could take a click of the LIKE button on something as (IMHO) trivial and useless as Facebook and turn into some covert op. and even more so that a supposed FRIEND would pick up the phone with the express reason to announce said Like click to you?
that's not a friend Crazed....that is someone who thrives on drama and chaos. and who certainly does not have your best interests at heart, only the desire to stir the pot.
a friend would call to ask how you are doing. see if you want to go to coffee. or maybe go camping for the weekend, take in a ballgame, come over for a cookout.
with that being said, i'll refrain from any further comments or posts. be well.
that's not a friend Crazed....that is someone who thrives on drama and chaos. and who certainly does not have your best interests at heart, only the desire to stir the pot.
a friend would call to ask how you are doing. see if you want to go to coffee. or maybe go camping for the weekend, take in a ballgame, come over for a cookout.
with that being said, i'll refrain from any further comments or posts. be well.
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