Living

My best friend in the world who is suffering a lot sent me a horrible text today and said I was a hypocrite since I quit drinking. I have never once lectured her about her drinking, but I do let her know how much better I feel since I have stopped. She was actually with me when I received my initial lab results in April showing the harm I had caused my liver, kidneys, etc. all because of drinking.

Anyway she is doctor shopping for medications that her Psychiatrist will not give her (Ambien, Xanax and Trazadone). She is on an anti-depressant and a anti-anxiety drug already. Add to the fact that she drinks Vodka daily - straight. Bad combo mix.

Well last week she scheduled an appt with a doc-in-the-box to get her supply even though she see's her Psychiatrist tomorrow. Just needed those Ambien, Xanax and Trazadone. Well the doctor called her to ask her to come in early and couldn't reach her (asleep with a hangover), so they contacted her boyfriend to see if he could relay the change of appointment to her. When he confirmed that this was her special doctor - he told them everything. Even gave them her Pyschiatrist name.

Guess what has happened? She is red flagged at the pharmacy and is being investigated for going to a doctor for medication that she currently is being treated for by another doctor. DOCTOR SHOPPING. Tomorrow she will know how bad it is on the legal front.

Right now I am the bad guy because I cannot sympathize with her. She want's no more contact because she does not have a problem according to her. I told her I loved her and would support her, but she had to be honest with the doctor on all aspects of her substance abuse and alcoholism. She is killing herself.

Her boyfriend works out of town and only comes home once a month for a few days and sadly he is getting it worse than me from her. She actually called the police (not unusual when drunk) on him Friday night when he found her drinking Vodka from a water bottle and he threw it across the room in anger. Luckily she wasn't locked up, but the Deputies told her she was an addict who needed help and that next time they would take her in on a 5150.

The advice I need is the tough love approach wrong? Should I still reach out to her even though she "hates" me now and I am a hypocrite? I know I enabled her for years, but her mental health is getting worse and I do not want anything to happen to her, but she made it clear I am her problem.

Thanks for any suggestions.

least

Your friend is acting like a typical addict: blaming others for their problems.


That is her warped perspective, You are not her problem, she is.

I think I'd maintain a distance from her for a while. She needs to deal with her issues and having you as an emotional punching bag isn't good for either of you. Let her work on herself for a while, if she chooses to, that is.

Dee74

I think you already know what to do Living.

Maybe somewhere down the road you'll be able to help, maybe she'll get into recovery and see things differently...

for now I think it's clear you're both on two very different roads.

I know it's rough, but your road is the best one for you - it's early days still for you, don't leave it, even for the best most altruistic of reasons...

that the only thing you have control over in this situation.

D

Anna

In my opinion, you should step back and let her handle things for awhile. Just give her some space. She may have legal issues to deal with and she is very angry right now. The most important thing is for you to maintain your recovery.

Living

Everything each of you has posted is exactly how I feel deep down. My husband told me the same thing, he is tired of dealing with her and doesn't want me to ever go back to drinking, as stress was a part of my alcoholism.

The best thing is that I do not want to drink. I remember the horrible effects it had on me and how long it took to feel "normal". What is so bad though, is I look at her and it is another reminder of why I love sobriety.

Things are not perfect in my life (need a part-time job) as I am in school for Nursing at 47 LOL. But I truly CHERISH sobriety and life and never want to slip.

Thank you all again for being such supportive friends and always giving good answers.

Anna

I think you have a really good perspective right now. You know you've worked hard to be where you are and how important it is to you. And, you know your friend will have to make the decision for herself. If she does, you may be able to be there for her, but in the meantime you are taking care of you.

Grungehead

I don't really have anything to add as everyone has said it so well. I just wanted to also say you are doing the right thing. You have to do what's best for you, and letting go of her for now is what's best for you. It's probably best for her too in the long run because it doesn't sound like she has hit her bottom yet.

FeenixxRising

Dee said it well. Take care of you. If you want to help her you could ask her to only contact you when she's ready and serious about getting sober.

ersatzmatriarch

hey living...

i'm sorry that you're going through this with your friend. i'm super glad, though, that you're going to take care of you. reading your mention of 'cherishing sobriety' is a such a beautiful thing... thank you for sharing that.

i'm sending extra thoughts of peace and hope to you now as you wade through this painful situation. be well, living!!

Nighthawk8820

As addicts in the full clutches of our addiction, we get pissed when we dont get our way. She is lashing out because that is all she knows how to do right now. You are actually being a good friend, even if she cant see it now. She sounds like she really needs help, and I am glad she didnt get those extra meds.

Dont let her words impact you, because you are on the right track. Sometimes we lose friends on this journey, but its usually for the best, even if it sucks at the time. She is projecting her crap onto you, its a common thing with addicts. Let it go and let her know you are willing to help her, but if she isn't serious about getting better, then cut ties. She is toxic right now, and you dont need to be getting addicted to something else toxic. Its easy to replace one addiction for another. You quit drinking, but now you are in danger of getting drawn in to this woman's struggle, which could be a whole new dysfunctional addiction for YOU. Dont buy into it, even if it mean losing the friendship for now.