3 days and little belief
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
3 days and little belief
Well...with hesitation I post.
Just got out of the hospital again. 3 day detox to stop the "life threatinging" issues (potasium, magnisium, pancrease and liver).
there was a very strong push to go to valley hope (12 step recovery that does huge good for so many). I've been assured that FLMA will cover my time off. Insurance will probably cover 5 days (they've paid for 7 trips and really want somenting different from me).
The Doctors and nurses say the same old things about alchoholism. I'm impressed that they care. It's just like ok ... one more time...do the same old same old after time after time of it not really working...regardless of how I twist and turn and try to do the deal (If you don't know me read my past posts). And yes...I am a bit stubborn at this point. 2 weeks at a treatment center that tries to tell me it will work if I just really want it...nope...only one of my many treatment sobrieties held for a few years.
I'm now 3 days sober and will carry through as hard and as long as I can. I guesss I'm opening "OPEN SESON" on Nands LOL
Mostly I'm posting cause I do still believe that I have a chance. I accept the idea that I cannot successfully drink. I refuse to accept that I don't have a chance.
For those who might worry...I'm on a restircted diet (including no alchohol duuu) They have most of my chemical stuff at an "ok" level, and although I may be week for a while there is a chance if I find what makes the difference for me in not drinking.
Fighting the "monstor" has been a loosing propostion. Believe in a "savior" has been a loosing proposition. I'll shut up now. I don't know why I feel I need to keep sharing how this is going. Perhaps I'm just the "bad example" but I hope that I will find a way to have sobriety which could change my perspective.
Nanda
Just got out of the hospital again. 3 day detox to stop the "life threatinging" issues (potasium, magnisium, pancrease and liver).
there was a very strong push to go to valley hope (12 step recovery that does huge good for so many). I've been assured that FLMA will cover my time off. Insurance will probably cover 5 days (they've paid for 7 trips and really want somenting different from me).
The Doctors and nurses say the same old things about alchoholism. I'm impressed that they care. It's just like ok ... one more time...do the same old same old after time after time of it not really working...regardless of how I twist and turn and try to do the deal (If you don't know me read my past posts). And yes...I am a bit stubborn at this point. 2 weeks at a treatment center that tries to tell me it will work if I just really want it...nope...only one of my many treatment sobrieties held for a few years.
I'm now 3 days sober and will carry through as hard and as long as I can. I guesss I'm opening "OPEN SESON" on Nands LOL
Mostly I'm posting cause I do still believe that I have a chance. I accept the idea that I cannot successfully drink. I refuse to accept that I don't have a chance.
For those who might worry...I'm on a restircted diet (including no alchohol duuu) They have most of my chemical stuff at an "ok" level, and although I may be week for a while there is a chance if I find what makes the difference for me in not drinking.
Fighting the "monstor" has been a loosing propostion. Believe in a "savior" has been a loosing proposition. I'll shut up now. I don't know why I feel I need to keep sharing how this is going. Perhaps I'm just the "bad example" but I hope that I will find a way to have sobriety which could change my perspective.
Nanda
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,947
All beliefs aside, the one belief that is valid, is having one in yourself Nans. I see hope in your post. 
You keep the intention of positive change close to your heart, that is noble in my eyes. I myself have;
tried, tried, tried, tried, tried, tried tried, tried, tried, tried, tried, tried tried, tried, tried, tried, tried, tried tried, tried, tried, tried, tried, tried tried, tried, tried, tried, tried, tried tried, tried, tried, tried, tried, tried tried, tried, tried, tried, tried, tried tried, tried, tried, tried, tried, tried tried, tried, tried, tried, tried, tried tried, tried, tried, tried, tried, tried tried, tried, tried, tried, tried, tried tried, tried, tried, tried, tried, tried tried, tried, tried, tried, tried, tried tried, tried, tried, tried, tried, tried tried, tried, tried, tried, tried, tried tried, tried, tried, tried, tried, tried tried, tried, tried, tried, tried, tried tried, tried, tried, tried, tried, tried tried, tried, tried, tried, tried, tried tried, tried, tried, tried, tried, tried tried, tried, tried, tried, tried, tried tried, tried, tried, tried, tried, tried tried, tried, tried, tried, tried, tried tried, tried, tried, tried, tried, tried
and had to start over. And still my solid intention to to live "happy, joyous and free" is resolute.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Nands
I've tried but for some reason I don't think I have the words that will turn you around and help you find your way - but... I have the deep and sincere hope that will happen, maybe even in this thread
You're an amazing woman with a lot to offer.
Your story's not over yet....
the fact you keep trying is testament to both those things.
Don't lose hope
Be who you want to be
much love
D
I've tried but for some reason I don't think I have the words that will turn you around and help you find your way - but... I have the deep and sincere hope that will happen, maybe even in this thread
You're an amazing woman with a lot to offer.
Your story's not over yet....
the fact you keep trying is testament to both those things.
Don't lose hope
Be who you want to be
much love
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
no words of wisdom Ananda-Panda....hope you will be ok...and I will always remember YOUR words of wisdom...
"Love Stinks"!
try again, try again....go for it and we'll want to know whatever you decide...but we do not want to lose you.
"Love Stinks"!
try again, try again....go for it and we'll want to know whatever you decide...but we do not want to lose you.
We miss your awesomeness!
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
You can do this, Nands. You're absolutely right, you're not hopeless. I used to wrongly believe I was a hopeless drunk, and I finally quit drinking and stayed quit by believing in myself again and again and again.
You're doing the right thing in quitting, (((Nands)))
You're doing the right thing in quitting, (((Nands)))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
Awwww... I hate hate hate having go post this, but you misunderstood, and perhaps others did as weell...At 3 days sober I refuse to give up hope. But my sober date is wrong on here and I will fix that immediately. I have 3 days.It isn't my intent to mislead, but trying to correct every misconceptions is hard. But I think you for your support (hug)
Ananda, 3 days and little belief? You are FANTASTIC. Congratulations. Ananda 42 years drunk, with little belief, and now going on 3 years sober. Rootin for ya.
Today 06:53 PM
Ananda, 3 days and little belief? You are FANTASTIC. Congratulations. Ananda 42 years drunk, with little belief, and now going on 3 years sober. Rootin for ya.
Today 06:53 PM
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Well I think you have a chance also, as long as you learn from your mistakes. I found that there was a lesson in every occasion that I decided to take up drinking again (following yet another ironclad resolution never to do so). What have you learned, and what’s the plan if “it” happens again?
There came a point where I was forced to look for the causes and conditions of my drinking, as well as to have a feasible escape plan in the event that it reoccurred.
There came a point where I was forced to look for the causes and conditions of my drinking, as well as to have a feasible escape plan in the event that it reoccurred.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 34
Ananda - I'm new here, but I wanted to thank you for posting. That is one thing that we can never give up is hope and belief in ourselves. I know that each time I fall, it becomes harder and more humiliating to get back on the wagon. I just need to stop falling!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Nands - I totally believe in you. I'm sorry you're going through this, but hopeless? Absolutely not!!! Personally, I'm just glad to see you back and posting. You have a lot of cheerleaders here, and WE believe in you...lean on us until you firmly believe in yourself. You're worth it, you deserve it.
Love, hugs and prayers,
Amy
Love, hugs and prayers,
Amy
Not The Way way, Just the way
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: US
Posts: 1,413
Nanda,
It took a lot of experimenting for sober me to finally accept that tipsy me hated moderate drinking and always figured it was worth the risk to go whole hog after I'd had a few.
Then, it took some bad consequences to scare me straight until I realized I had the capacity to end the great "I think I can handle it now" experiment.
So, at that point, fear, embarrassment, shame, guilt, all played an important role in getting me to stop trying. I came to believe my drinking was morally reprehensible. And I came to understand how uncomplicated it really was to decide simply - I will never drink again.
I killed and buried the me who drank. It was either that or I would end up living a short life of chemically enhanced stupidity with short periods of partial recovery on the long, bumpy, downwards slope.
I like your signature copyright notation with
! Well, 
isn't it time YOU quit for good and start writing that book?
GT
It took a lot of experimenting for sober me to finally accept that tipsy me hated moderate drinking and always figured it was worth the risk to go whole hog after I'd had a few.
Then, it took some bad consequences to scare me straight until I realized I had the capacity to end the great "I think I can handle it now" experiment.
So, at that point, fear, embarrassment, shame, guilt, all played an important role in getting me to stop trying. I came to believe my drinking was morally reprehensible. And I came to understand how uncomplicated it really was to decide simply - I will never drink again.
I killed and buried the me who drank. It was either that or I would end up living a short life of chemically enhanced stupidity with short periods of partial recovery on the long, bumpy, downwards slope.
I like your signature copyright notation with
! Well, isn't it time YOU quit for good and start writing that book?GT
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
Just wanted to thank you all for posting.
I ended up downing a bottle, blacking out, and being tossed in the car and driven to the treatment center.
I have 10 days now (first day out). As soon as I was released I got the first of a once a month shot that makes it so that "if you drink, you will not get any of the good effects of alchohol (LOL "good"????). It was something that I absolutely had to do in order for anyone in my family to have any peace of mind. I'm ok with it. I see a down side to it (suprise suprise), but I also don't trust myself to make the decision to not drink every day or within each "crisis". So I think this eliminates the option and I only have to make the decision once a month for a while.
Early sobrieity and other times can be pretty wacky and I'll take any edge I can get. If I follow through on doing the things that I need to do to create an acceptable life I will stop thinking of alchohol as something to go to (or at least that has been my expereince in the past).
Any ways, I do appologize for creating concern and drama. I wish all of you the best as well. I think of all my SR friends alot.
Today is haircut day, budget and bills, and the horrid "lawyer's report"....but I won't have the option of running away to the bottle...my goal is to not run to other distractions either...just do it. I'm not gonna try to get all the crap done in one day or one week. I think I'm pretty clear on what is top priority and what follows down the list....(Dee .... I get really tired of eating elephants!
Nands
I ended up downing a bottle, blacking out, and being tossed in the car and driven to the treatment center.
I have 10 days now (first day out). As soon as I was released I got the first of a once a month shot that makes it so that "if you drink, you will not get any of the good effects of alchohol (LOL "good"????). It was something that I absolutely had to do in order for anyone in my family to have any peace of mind. I'm ok with it. I see a down side to it (suprise suprise), but I also don't trust myself to make the decision to not drink every day or within each "crisis". So I think this eliminates the option and I only have to make the decision once a month for a while.
Early sobrieity and other times can be pretty wacky and I'll take any edge I can get. If I follow through on doing the things that I need to do to create an acceptable life I will stop thinking of alchohol as something to go to (or at least that has been my expereince in the past).
Any ways, I do appologize for creating concern and drama. I wish all of you the best as well. I think of all my SR friends alot.
Today is haircut day, budget and bills, and the horrid "lawyer's report"....but I won't have the option of running away to the bottle...my goal is to not run to other distractions either...just do it. I'm not gonna try to get all the crap done in one day or one week. I think I'm pretty clear on what is top priority and what follows down the list....(Dee .... I get really tired of eating elephants!
Nands
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
