update

Old 06-04-2013, 12:33 PM
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update

I spoke with my husbands doctor, he called the pharmacy and cancelled the prescription and had my husband flagged with all the pharmacies so no more narcotic meds. He left the soctor and signes up for a detox program. He has to wait until tomorrow, he has a little meds left to last him the night but not what hes used to.
He said he would get clean on his own. I told him not in my house. He would have to do an out patient detox to be able to stay home. He agreed. We have an appt tomorrow morning.

What should I expect tonight. Will it be bad? He has about a quarter of the amount of meds he is used to taking.
Im so scared of tonight. I am so proud of him. He admitted his problem, he actually said some truths.
I am not getting sucked in though. I have to fill his methedone or suboxone ( I think thats what the doctore called the meds) prescription and give him the meds. He is not allowed to have money on hand aside from a little spending money and if anything goes missing from my home hes done. I have laid down the rules in exchange for my support. Did I handle this right?
I would love to know if I handled this the way it should be handled. He is a proud mab and I think hearing the doctor and I talk about him that way made him realize he was an addict. Like if i was talking about anyone else he would have thought "junkie"
I think it embarassed and humbled him to admit his problem.
Thanks for your input
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Old 06-04-2013, 12:52 PM
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I think you BOTH handled it beautifully. It is HARD for someone to admit this type of problem because there is so much shame, guilt, and thoughts of certain stereotypes when you say "addict". But he took a HUGE first step & I think your right to be proud of him, and supportive.

I know there are differing views by some family members on being in control of the medication, however it is something that I would do myself if need be. So I personally think its fine.

My husband main drug was opiate based pain meds. But before he was done with them, he started using xanax also ( a benzo) so when he tried to detox at home, the benzo withdrawal actually forced him to go to the hospital. I have never been through a pure opiate withdrawal so I cant say how bad it will be tonight. There are a lot of people who talk about this on the Substance Abuse forum however. Just take it one step at a time, and know you will both get through it. Tomorrow is a new day with more HOPE for a clean future.
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Old 06-04-2013, 01:12 PM
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Allforcnm thank you. I feel hope, which is something i didnt feel yesterday and that i havent felt for a long time. Tomorrow is another day and we will do our best. That all the promises that can be made to do our best.
We never know what tomorrow will bring but today I have hope
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Old 06-04-2013, 01:23 PM
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I spoke with my husbands doctor, he called the pharmacy and cancelled the prescription and had my husband flagged with all the pharmacies so no more narcotic meds.
Oh not a good choice at all. You don’t get the implications of that do you? You also don’t realize that if he isn’t done, and unless he made these choices himself odds are against him, do you…

He left the soctor and signes up for a detox program. He has to wait until tomorrow, he has a little meds left to last him the night but not what hes used to.
He said he would get clean on his own. I told him not in my house. He would have to do an out patient detox to be able to stay home. He agreed. We have an appt tomorrow morning.
Not we, he has an appointment tomorrow, hopefully he will get there. He is a big boy, grown man he can take care of himself.

What should I expect tonight. Will it be bad? He has about a quarter of the amount of meds he is used to taking.
No one can predict that, all I know is that wd is progressive like addiction is, each time you wd it gets worse and worse because. The brain doesn’t forget and it knows exactly what to do to cause you to go out and use. WD a wonderful incentive to use, not stop.

Im so scared of tonight. I am so proud of him. He admitted his problem, he actually said some truths.
I am not getting sucked in though.
You seem in way too deep.

I have to fill his methedone or suboxone ( I think thats what the doctore called the meds) prescription and give him the meds.
I sure hope no doctor put you in charge of giving out sub at all. Oh that is like a recipe for disaster. And not for anything I wouldn’t trust any doctor who would allow patients to first dose with sub at home at all. And just so you know you are not the medicine police, he needs to be the one to handle his medications under a doctors care.

He is not allowed to have money on hand aside from a little spending money and if anything goes missing from my home hes done.
Money policing will not help, if he wants to use he will. There is nothing you can do to stop that. Unless you are willing to let him go to find his own way. It tends to work best that way.


I have laid down the rules in exchange for my support.
HMMMM, there are no rules with chaos and insanity running the show.


Did I handle this right?
Personally I don’t think so, but then hey we all screwed it up before we realized we really didn’t have any control. That we couldn’t save anyone but ourselves.


What are you doing for you?
Where are your boundaries, including ones in which you draw a line in the sand and keep out of what isn't yours?
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Old 06-04-2013, 01:31 PM
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A very good boundary is: I will not allow my home to be a detox center.

But, if you insist on playing Florence, first things first. If there are children in the home, get them out for at least 3 or 4 days. Send them to camp, to grandma’s, to a trusted friend, anyplace away from what could become a house of horrors.

If he’s coming off large amounts cold-turkey, make sure you have a blood-pressure cuff as spiking blood pressure during withdrawal can be fatal. Make sure you have a bag packed and your cellphone fully charged just in case those not so fun hallucinations occur. Don’t hesitate calling 911 if things get out of hand.

Other than that, have puke buckets, Imodium AD, diluted Gatorade, lots of Charmin, Pedialyte strips, clean sheets, chicken broth, and various weight blankets on hand. And, expect him to irritable x 10, so you will be walking on eggshells. Sounds fun, huh?
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Old 06-04-2013, 01:45 PM
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Say you needed to lose 25lb and your husband laid down the rules. He demanded you exercised, eat healthy, no junk food in the house, etc. How well would that work for you if it was him forcing you, now multiply that by 1,000,000. Jmho.

Also, methadone or suboxone are very difficult to come off. I would do some research on Vivitrol now that you have come this far. But if he is not motivated to be clean, he will find a way. He may even switch his DOC if he is on a opiate antagonist.

I have to be honest, I, too, tried a very similar way as yours in the beginning, it had a disastrous outcome. I hadn't fond SR but I am not sure that would have helped. Like most, I believed my husband and situation were unique.
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Old 06-04-2013, 01:54 PM
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What Cynical One described is not an exaggeration. I had HUGE anxiety attacks after helping my husband go through withdrawals. No way, would I ever do it again. You couldn't pay me enough.

Here is the really crazy part, the ONLY thing that is going to offer them any relief from the wd for the first week to 10 days is the exact thing that got them this way. Opiates!! The brain will be screaming for the drug too.

After all that, my husband relapsed anyway and was working a program with NA.
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Old 06-04-2013, 02:07 PM
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I agree with everyone here. I tried exactly what you're doing, two years ago. And tried it again and again and again before I finally had to throw my hands up and let go and let God. There's nothing you can do. He will find a way to get what he wants even without you "letting" him.
I'm sorry you are going through this, and I hope and pray it will turn out better than my own situation!
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Old 06-04-2013, 02:10 PM
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Please know that no one is trying to dash your hopes or scare you. We are just sharing our experiences. Most rehabs and detoxes are big money and there is a reason why. Even then, more often then not, most relapse anyway. Don't let anyone kid you otherwise. They have to really want, need and work at it.

My ego thought I was qualified to help, plan, and solve. I had no experience in the least. What was I thinking? Kind of like trying to manage someone's diabetes or cancer treatment. I am just not qualified.
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Old 06-04-2013, 02:35 PM
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Originally Posted by LoveMeNow View Post
Please know that no one is trying to dash your hopes or scare you. We are just sharing our experiences.
YES!!! We aren't being mean. These are just our own stories we have going on! I never realized how many people have gone through the exact same thing as me and hearing other's stories have helped tremendously!
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Old 06-04-2013, 03:02 PM
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I feel the need to chime in because I have allowed my son to detox from heroin in my home three times .... the experience was not at all like was described above. Maybe it's because he hasn't been shooting for years. From what I've read heroin withdrawal is rarely fatal. Actually alcohol withdrawal is the worst. Most often if there are serious complications it is due to coexisting medical problems.

The first time we did we felt there were no other options. My husband had called around and found that the only hospital close by that did medical detox did not have a bed available and if they did it was $1000.00 a day.We were told to take him to the ER if things got bad. They didn't.

Yes I agree that rehabs and detoxes are big money and yes there is a reason. People like to make money!! I don't think for a second that everyone involved in substance abuse is in it for altruistic reasons. One only has to google substance abuse to come up with countless ads and 800 numbers. All with a caring someone on the other end of the line who will quote success rates and rave about their program. I had a guy call me 5 or 6 times after I had called for info. Telling me that I could use multiple credit cards or perhaps take a personal loan from a family member! Their 6 month program was $29,000.00!! They even offered that if relapse occurred within the first year the addict could come back for 3 months for free! How generous! There are plenty of nonprofits out there that are available. Money, Dr.s, psychologists are not the answer. I wish they were.

My son experienced sleeplessness, bone pain, chills, diarrhea but no vomiting ... he described it as the worst case of the flu times 100. When the physical symptoms subside the INTENSE cravings come. Once we were standing in our garage smoking a cig looking at a downpour of rain. He was telling me he needed to go and was about to walk out into the rain with no money, no phone, no clothes, raincoat etc. I didn't try to stop him I merely pointed out what would happen, that he may be able to steal something and even get to the hood for a fix before the police caught up with him and then he would just continue his detox in jail .. he didn't leave, it was difficult but he managed. Yes there are many experiences that are common in addiction, yes some have horror stories to tell but I am one to say that it wasn't a pleasant experience but it was not at all as bad as has been described. I believe each time he really wanted to get clean and that helped. He read a book called "Romancing Opiates" that he credits as a huge help to him the last time he kicked. It has quite a bit about opiate withdrawal. I haven't read it but plan to. I agree with those who have said "the addict has to really want it". Even then relapse is common. I also believe though that with each relapse the addict learns something new. As long as he or she is still struggling towards recovery there is hope, hell as long as there is breath in their body there is hope. No one wants to be an addict.

All this being said, I do have boundaries in place. While I allowed him to live here for two weeks while he waited for a bed in a nonprofit rehab last Aug. I don't think I will do that again. He had asked to move home multiple times before and we said no. I have always told him that as long as he is walking towards recovery I will help him in ways that are healthy for him and ME. That is why living here long term is not an option. It was temporary. At the time his choice was to go back to an apt with another heroin addict and hope to stay clean for two weeks while waiting for the bed, homeless shelter, or here. My husband and I decided to let him stay. I am glad I did. He was at the first place for 6 months. It was a faith based rehab. They did not allow them to talk about their addiction, no meetings, only bible study and clean living with a lot of structure. He left that place under the advice of his probation officer and is now in another nonprofit that utilizes the 12 step program. Two meetings a day, he has a sponsor, and is for the first time actually working the steps. He has been in and out of NA meetings for years but never embraced the program until now. He believes the combination of a faith program which allowed him to reconnect with the faith of his youth and now the 12 steps (which he and I both believe are grounded in scripture and faith as well) have given him real hope for a future.

Just my personal ESH ... hang in there, keep reading, pray, and do the best you can do each day.
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Old 06-04-2013, 03:26 PM
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Thanks Tink for sharing. I agree, that most rehabs can be all about the money. But I also do not think family members are the solution either, at least it wasn't in my case.

As for detoxes, I would rather it be there then in my home again. I won't ever do it again. Although, my husband didn't vomit or have hallucinations, I have a RA friend who did. She then spent 6 days in the hospital detoxing.

Maybe it's the usage, the duration of usage and/or the age of the user but I found it to be a miserable and a frightening experience and not one I would wish on anyone. But then again, there is a reason I did not go into nursing.
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Old 06-04-2013, 04:08 PM
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Cynical & LMN speak wisdom,
This is varsity level stuff.Big time. Navigate carefully.
This devil does not let go easily.Far from it.
People offering ESH walk a fine line,too. Too many horror
stories can be counterproductive.The rub,though,is when
those stories are spot on.

Get a BP cuff & don't hesitate to call in the cavalry (911)
if things get rough.Good intentions are no substitute for raw
tested competence.There is a human life on the line.It doesn't
get any more 'real' than that.
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Old 06-04-2013, 04:21 PM
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I am not controlling him, I am setting out the rules if he wishes to stay here. He is a grown man with free will and if he wants to go into a program or detox somewhere else he is welcome to do so. If he insists on staying and getting clean here it needs to be controlled. I am listening to everyones advice and appreciate all the concerns. I know it is comming from a good place and from personal experience. He has made more progress today than I have seen from him in 7 years. He admitted his problem and thats huge. If it becomes more than I can handle we will cross that bridge if we need to. I have a great supportive family who will step in to help. One day at a time!
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Old 06-04-2013, 04:27 PM
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Originally Posted by marriedanaddict View Post
He would have to do an out patient detox to be able to stay home. He agreed. We have an appt tomorrow morning.
I think this is an important piece of the puzzle here. Tomorrow he has an appointment for professional help with outpatient. In my opinion this is key, as I believe people do need professional help in most cases. Detox is the start, and then people have to learn to cope with cravings, learn a new way to live, work on issues that may have contributed to drug use, etc. My husband actually ended up doing a rapid detox which was inpatient, and then went to 3 month rehab that was not based on the 12 steps but on private therapy. Then he came home, and continued to work with a therapist. He now has a year clean and has not relapsed. There are many stories of recovery and how it happens.

I think how you view a withdrawal is also based on the way we think about things. I happen to think of addiction as a medical condition, and therefore I would compare the withdrawal situation as something similar to a cancer patient who becomes ill after chemotherapy. Families just deal with it. It is not pleasant, symptoms will vary, but most get through it. All of this is a process. In my opinion family support is important, and I see support going on and not control. Will be sending prayers out to your family tonight. Hope it all goes well tomorrow... and beyond.
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Old 06-04-2013, 04:37 PM
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The only medical advice here should come from his doctor. Have you called him to let him know what it happening? Detoxing should only be done under medical supervision. Please call a professional before things get really bad.

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Old 06-04-2013, 06:02 PM
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Yes his doctor has been called please read the first post. The doctor "cut him off" when he realuzed he was double doctoring and cancelled the prescriptions at the pharmacy that were from the pill pusher. We went to the hospital for the out patient treatment and they sent us to a clinic who can see him tmr.. Nothing can be done until tomorrow so we have to roll with the punches tonight.
I do find it a little odd that when i was ready to leave him everyone said I am strong but now that he wants help I am a fool for standing beside him. If our appt today with his GP went any other way I would be telling a story of leaving him but it didnt and my kids have a chance to keep thier dather around and I have a chance to find my husband.
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Old 06-04-2013, 06:10 PM
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Originally Posted by LoveMeNow View Post
What Cynical One described is not an exaggeration. I had HUGE anxiety attacks after helping my husband go through withdrawals. No way, would I ever do it again. You couldn't pay me enough.

Here is the really crazy part, the ONLY thing that is going to offer them any relief from the wd for the first week to 10 days is the exact thing that got them this way. Opiates!! The brain will be screaming for the drug too.

After all that, my husband relapsed anyway and was working a program with NA.
ditto. be prepared for the stuff nigtmares are made of. there is a scene in the movie "Riding in Cars with boys" and YouTube can show you what you're in for.

I helped my ex detox... I'm glad I did, because now I know never to do so again.

He was screaming and wailing crying obsenities and begging me to kill him to make the pain stop. begging for forgiveness. begging for drugs. Said he could see demons and angels. there was puke and diarreah everywhere.
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Old 06-04-2013, 06:14 PM
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Suboxne is a drug u get high off it then u have to detox off that it doesn't work !! That's what addicts use then they go back to the real stuff especially herion addicts I know for a fact !! The only way is god 12 steps and a sponsor !!
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Old 06-04-2013, 06:15 PM
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I think this thread has run its course. I hope you have an emergency number ready if things go wrong, and I wish you both all the best with this.

This thread is now closed.
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